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My kids spent the night with their grandmother last night so maybe I could have some time to myself and rest some. I've went from being so tired feeling to not being able to sit still. I didn't fall asleep until after 3am this morning and then I didn't stay asleep. I called to check on my step-mom and she has been put into the hospital, she can't handle it. I don't know how long she will be there. She's not talking to anyone, even her daughter. I'm so sad and panicky. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I am afraid I will. I just want to crawl under my bed and hide from the world. Just letting myself slip into crazy and forget it all.

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I think crawling into bed is just what you ned to do while the kids are gone. I know so often we put on our strong faces for our kids, so when they are gone, let yourself grieve. Yell, scream, cry, kick-whatever it takes to just let it out. It sounds like you are in a wave of grief, they come and go for me, but knowing you just lost your dad, your may seem all consuming right now. I am here if you need to chat, talk , whatever. HANG IN THERE!!! I'm sorry you feel so bad.

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You know, there really does come a time when we need to allow ourselves to become "crazy" and just let all of those inner feelings and fears come out of hiding. I so remember the feeling of sheer panic in the days after Dennis died. I couldn't even gather my thoughts enough to know what direction to turn. I felt like a hamster that was stuck on a wheel. So, I know how you probably feel. Just try and let as mucg of this oout as you possibly can and then pick yourself up and start over. I'll be thinking of you and saying prayers.

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