The feeling of doom again....

[barbara5452]

Went for my 4 month xray on the 26th met with doctor for follow up on 27th, chest xray reveals right upper lung lining slightly more promenent than prior film 4 months ago, also the reports states right mediastinal adenopathy cannot not be excluded. Dr says proberly a lymph node scheduled for CT next week. All the old feelings are back, DOOM, my life is at a stand still again, not sure how much more my mind can take, I have so much more to do and to give I'm so depressed again. The unknown, maybe it will be nothing but the close calls and scares are sometimes unbearable. Scared to death again....need words of hope...

[ernrol]

Barbara,

I know how hard it is to not be depressed. I just know that I have to stay positive no matter what in order for me to have the best chance of not getting my cancer back and if it does come back I still have to stay positive. Having cancer myself I know how hard this is. There are new treatments every day and in your case you have not exhausted any of the new drugs. Do what ever it takes to get out of a depressed mood. Stress is one of our worst enemies. Let's pray that there is nothing there, but if there is let's be prepared to fight it and win.

Stay positive,

Ernie

[mary colleen]

Barbara, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this stress. I would try to remember two things:

1. The brain mets scare that you have in your profile

turned out okay for you - that could happen here as well.

2. Even if there is a recurrence, it does not have to be catastrophic. I hope that there is no recurrence, but if there is - you can manage it successfully just as so many others here have.

Be strong:)

[Shar]

Barbara I know exactly what you are going through. All I can offer is to try not to get too overwhelmed with it all. I know what you are experiencing is terrifying, but it is out of your hands now. There are so many treatments now if the worst happens, but that may not even be the case.

Chin up and I will be sending every positive thought I can your way,

Sharon

[RandyW]

Jot down the name of this drug in your note book and here is the link. This works in tandem with radiation IF THERE ARE BRAIN METASTASIS!! I Hope you do not need to use this but just in case.

http://www.pharmacyclics.com/wt/page/xcytrin

Sometimes I can not find things again so if you need it you ahve it and I can find this one.

THINK POSITIVE! No brain metastasis, OK?!?!?!? Sending prayers for you.

[Nick C]

I understand the intense feelings of doom. Doctors are in the loop and you are vigiliant...plenty of hope there!

[ursol]

barbara,

We have to have hope and be positive as hard as that is on some days. I'm scared everyday but I still have hope. Hopefully, it will turn out to be nothing and you won't have to worry further.

Lilly

[Don M]

Barbara, I am sorry you have to deal with uncertainty again. But remember that it is just an xray. Hopefully a ct scan will put your fears to rest.

I have recently had to deal with depression too. I went back on lexapro. Then I decided that if it looks like I am going to have to go through more procedures and more treatment, I am not going to do it depressed all the time. I want to enjoy my retirement as best as I can. I think it worked. I have stopped staring off into space and am being productive around the house and yard. I reasoned to myself, ok I have been depressed off and on for a couple of weeks now. A person can only do that for so much, so I am going to stop. I suppose the lexapro helps though.

Don M

[barbara5452]

You have no ideal how much better you all have made me feel, I dont feel so alone, such encouragement it is wonderful, Im still depressed but getting the positive thoughts going again thanks to you all. CT has been scheduled for Tues the 2nd, Im trying to prepare for the worst but hoping for the best. Thanks to all of you......

[Connie B]

I think there is a difference between depression and sadness and just plan being scared out of our minds.

I think your just in the crapper right now and rightfully so. Your doom feelings are only temporary, and with some support and encouragement from us maybe we can help you get out of that hole your in.

When I get in the hole, I have lots of wonderful friends that are always there to throw me a rope.

I have always said to myself during my survivorship and during bumpy times:

"I can't worry about what I don't know!" "I'll deal with what ever it is when I find out"

Yesterday is History,

Tomorrow is a Mystery

Today is a GIFT!

Go with that and enjoy today!

Hang in there, we're here for you 24/7.

[nonni]

Hi Con....here I am again...a big pain in the butt.....I have been reading the posts...and I am just sick sick sick reading the post from Frank Lamb...I hate this ^%$#*&^% desease...just hate it...

I teared up reading his post...He is sooo strong..and fearless it seems...and for him to come on the board to express his feeling is so admiral of him...Oh Con...I feel so bad for him and his wife...

You and I after being married for so many years...would just can't imagine losing your spouse..I feel just as bad for his wife...It has to be sooo horrible for her to watch him like this....I just pray that his pain leaves him and if he has to go...to go in peace...sigh..tears here..

You my friend...try so hard to give people encouragment...and YOU DO...I wish you could lift me up a little...I have really been down...Just don't feel right...You are so good at that...My problem is...I just can't get this freaking LC out of my mind...and the more I read and research...the worse it is...

Read on Dr. West forum...that BAC...(like mine) could come back 5...10..even 15 yrs later..so 5 yrs is not the magic number for that....OH well...that's all I needed...grrrrr

Con ...I could go on and on with my thoughts..but don't want to bug you about it...Just good to get it in writing some time...

Ok..I'll stop my rambling and go make some coffee... ..write when you can...stay well and God Bless us All...love ya...Pam