rmm17 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Tomorrow would have been my Mom's 42nd birthday. Today was really hard for me. I found myself crying periodically throughout the day for no particular reason. I keep having feelings of guilt and regret. I rarely saw my Mom between the ages of 16 and 20 because i moved in with my dad and thought i hated her. I feel terrible for putting her through that i regret all that time i lost. I feel guilty for moving 600 miles away to go to school. I regret telling her a few weeks ago that i was too busy with school to talk her right then. She went into the hospital that night. After that her memory wasnt the same and she just wasnt the same "Mom" as before. I should have come home from school earlier but she didnt tell me she was so sick. All these things keep running through my head and i dont know how to not feel guilt and regret. I just miss her so much . Thanks so much for listening to me. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I think that something that has helped me some in dealing with this grieving process is talking to Deb. This may help you some also I do not know. Go outside at night and talk to mom under the stars. Tell her everything you want to tell her. You can cry, yell, whatever you want. This is something that helped me out personally on the really bad days. I hope you find some peace today and feel a little better. I know how hard it is to lose someone, THe pain will get duller but it never really goes away completely. Sending prayers for a better day today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 (((((((((Rochelle))))))))) I think that all of us that have lost a loved one have a lot of those "what if's" that roam around in our heads. We all go through a part of the grieving process where we think we could have been better, done more, and so on. Truth is, we all do what we have to do to get through the process of losing someone we love. Being a mother myself, I'm sure that your mom understood that you needed to get your own wings and fly away. That's just something our children do. Please don't feel guilty about anything that you did or didn't do. You loved your mom and that's what really counts...in life and death. Just remember that all of us have the same thoughts. I still wonder if I could have done more to save Dennis. Every time I hear of a new medical procedure or a really great cancer program, I think that I should have tried harder. But, the truth is that there was nothing more that I could have done. Try and do something really special for your moms birthday. She will be there with you, today and everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I was 16 when my 48 year old mother died, I too went through all the "should've", could've, would'ves after she died. I felt so guilty that I wasn't nicer, more attentive or whatever the mood of the moment brought. Please be kind to yourself, you did all that you could do and more to help your Mom. I understood when I was sick that my daughter, who lived 2,000 miles away, couldn't always be there to help me. She came when she could and was a tremendous help while she was here but I knew that she had obligations of her own and I would have been more upset had she put her life completely on hold during that time. Is there someone you can talk to about your 'guilts'? I didn't talk to anyone about mine and they magnified, my only regret about that time of my life is that I didn't get the help I needed to make me see that I hadn't been an awful daughter. I wasn't and you aren't either. I'm sure that our mothers were, and still are, very proud of us both. Take care of yourself Rochelle, Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitzu Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 No matter what you did or didn't do, and said or didn't say, you Mom loves you so much! And I can tell you love her, otherwise why post here day after day? Don't blame yourself, but try to cherish the good memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Rochelle, You lost your mother way too early. You are just growing into a woman yourself and these are the years that you should really be getting to know your mom as a person not just as a rebelious teen fighting with your mom. Your mom probably felt some regrets as well and I bet she wished she was a better mother. How 'bout you call it even and try to find some peace. We all have things we wished we could have done differently. This is hard enough for you to get through, please don't get hung up on a guilt trip. Try to remember some of the good times and do something special to celebrate your mom's birthday. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Rochelle, When I was your age precisely, 21, my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I was just wrapping up grad school and starting my career as a public accountant. I didn't know she was sick at the beginning, she didn't tell me. But when I finally was brought into the loop it still didn't click...for a young 20 something, cancer is serious, but my mind at the time didn't process HOW serious. I went to the hospital a couple of times but not a lot and probably not for every procedure...someone asked me, shouldn't you be taking off of work? (I was very career oriented at that time) my response was "I'm not a doctor, my being there isn't going to change anything". Rochelle, right, wrong or indifferent we were both too young to handle those things when they happened. To tell you not to feel a certain way will not help, but I thought my parallel experince at the same age may help. Sincerely, my heart aches over this for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Rochelle, I think you're a kind and loving daughter. It simply shines through in all of your posts. You have some regrets, but moms do understand that very young adults are still developing and maturing and that the relationship will not be perfect at those stages. I have kids in your age group, and I know that to be true. It doesn't alter the love deep down inside. Everyone here has made excellent points, and I think that it's important for you to realize that your relationship with your Mom is not over. She sees you and knows you, and you can talk to her, as Randy suggested. Please don't be hard on yourself - just continue to make your Mom proud, and continue to grow as the the compassionate person that you've already begun to become. I will continue to think of you and pray for you and your brothers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindy0519 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 (((Rochelle))) Today would have been my Dad's 67th birthday. While I got to have him here with me awhile longer than you did your mother....it still hurts like hell! As many have said already be kind to yourself. Your mother loved you for who you are..faults and all! Happy Birthday! to your Mom and PEACE to you, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Oh Rochelle..I remember the very first time you posted and how my heart hurt for your heartache..please KNOW that your mom knew and knows just how much you loved her! You lost her at such a young age..my prayers for you and your brothers. We will always be here for you. Hugs, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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