J.C. Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Tracy, After my husband died, I was wondering why I was still alive and what to do..... a friend sent me a book by Rick Warren ''The Purpose Driven Life'' what on earth am I here for??? it did help and still give me a push when questions are there. I know a few people on this board read the book and found meaning for their life. Try to get it from a lending library and see if you get some answers. That is all I can do, would like to take the sorrow of everybody on my shoulders but that is impossible. Hugs Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonni Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 My dear Tracy...so so sorry that you are feeling down...like the other's said...this too shall pass..in the meantime..I know it is sooo hard...but believe me...Do I know the feeling???...Just ask me!!...Matter of fact I just wrote to a friend of mine who also had LC and she wrote me a very uplifting letter...and pulled me out a little...Like I told her...I am worse now than right after my surgery...at that time I guess I was just too happy to have survived the surgery...but after that it SUNK in and that's where the depression started...Like where the hell did this come from... LC sux's...but I do believe God has a plan for all of us.. I never asked 'why'...but I am still looking for answer's... I read your post in tears...I pray you will be here for many tuck in's for your little girl...just keep the faith and tell the devil to get off your back...Jesus is Lord and he WILL see you thru this journey....God is so good... Kasey...you had wonderful words for your niece...God Bless you Both...and ALL of us...Like Don said..if we could hang in another 5 years..there will be a cure or darn close to it...take care...God speed...feel better ...one day at a time my friend.. Hugs...PamS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbara5452 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Tracy hope you are better today, you spoke the words that I feel, my daughter of 17 seems to be handling things well. Leaves me notes daily that she loves me and its all gonna be okay. My son of 24 is the opposite, does not want to talk about it avoids any conversations about it and has stayed away and dug hisself into his work. Which hurts me because he calls his dad but never asked to speak with me. I know people handle things differently but I feel the kids go through just as much as we do. I wonder will I be around to be a grandmother, all that you said is just what we all feel at times. The yo-yo back and forth with our emotions are the worst. Whether we smoked or didnt Im finding it really doesnt matter it is what it is, and we all have to fight and fight even though we sometimes want to give in to the beast. Im positive today but who knows what tomorrow will be. I cant tell anymore...... Together we will all hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
betty boop Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi Tracy: I read your blog. I know exactly how you feel. What a rollercoaster we are all on. You know, sometimes it helps to look at other peoples lives and realize even though we have cancer, even though we know one day we are going to die... we have the precious time to reach out to our family members and touch them, love them, make new memories each day with them. I have a good friend who lost her daughter two years ago at the age of 20 in a car accident. Heather was a beautiful Christian girl with everything in the world to live for. It rocked our community when Heather died suddenly. I know that Sharon her mother would give anything to touch her one more time, to hug her one more time. I hold on to this thought when I am struggling with the thoughts of leaving my husband and three boys because of my cancer. I too don't understand and wonder why each day. But, I know that God has given me this time to make things right in my world, to give to others and to make others happier. Embrace this thought Tracy and even though it hurts so bad in your heart. Try to have a knowing peace that God is allowing you to create more memories for your family. It is a gift from God that I have found by living with cancer. Each day I look for small miracles in my life and each day I try to brighten my kids lives and others by being a stronger Christian and realizing that those people who don't have cancer only have a limited time to live too. Everyone of us are living day by day. Cancer just really makes us realize it even more so. I think of you often and pray for you sweety. I feel for you and wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there!! Love and prayers, Betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyD Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 I want to say a great big Thank You to my LCSC family for the outpouring of support this past week, it really lifted me up when I was very, very down. I have been doing a lot of thinking about why I was so down , and the best I can come up with is that the longer I survive, almost ten months now, the more I feel like the other shoe is waiting to drop. I am better now than I was ten months ago, the cancer is smaller, the symptoms are gone, I have lots of energy, my life is good. I think that the adjustment to the "maintenance" phase is a bit harder than I thought it would be. Now that I feel good I am pondering the "what ifs" more. I know that in time I will work this out. I have all of you here, as well as a wonderful husband who I know checks up on me here, and who is thankful that I have a place to turn to with the tough issues. Thank you all. Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Tracy, I'm glad you're feeling better - yell for help anytime! MC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I am glad you are feeling better Tracy. I hope you work out a way to deal with the unknowns. I think we all do it one way or the other. Anyway, you feel good now! Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Tracy,I'm glad your rebounding and feeling better now.This disease can do some dirty punches to you at times. Keep throwing the fight back at it and when you need us we'll all pitch in and give it what for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hopeandstrength Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Tracy, I don't come here much, but truthfully..I feel the need to check on a few of you from time to time. You are one of them. Maybe it is because we are close in age and our children are close in age, but I need to tell you how much I admire you. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I just want to tell you that you are always in my prayers. love, Cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marym Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hi Tracy, I'm glad you are feeling normal again. I think a lot of the mood changes are not about us - it's about the disease and all the drugs we use to treat it. I take the same drugs every day and yet, one time I cannot sleep, another time, I don't feel like eating, or I feel blue. I just try to get past it.. Best. Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 dear Tracey. You put on paper the thoughts I have had regarding my own illness and my own survival fears. It is difficult to remain/stay forever positive and hopeful. There are days when no matter what I can't seem to shake the demons either. They creep in and give me the "what fors"... (dang buggers!!) I hate it when I get those bluezee feelings too and no matter what they won't go away even with a good shout at them. I can only hope for another day, another day even sometimes and know that once again there will be sunshine because for some reason it does always reappear (just not when I command it, darnit).. Anyway. I do so appreciate you putting on paper the thoughts I have also. I am just not so good at voicing them as you, though. I appreciate your vulnerability and assure you that you are not alone with those days of fears and questions. It comes with our territory. Bless you, Tracey, You, and your family. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KleenTeeth Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Tracy, I don't know you and am new to this site. I send you hugs and hope by the time you read this, things will be better for you. I have a sister (my only sibling) that was diagnosed on her 54th b'day which was 12/21/06 with lung cancer. When I read your bio, you sound just like her! She has no children, but has spoiled mine! Hold your family close. Suzy Age 39 nonsmoker, married with 3 children ages 11, 9 and 5 1/06-2/06 annoying cough, treated for pneumonia; finally a CT scan which shows a mass in right lung 3/06 Bronschopy; dx nsclc 4/11/06 VATS; multiple nodules in lung lining; adenocarcinoma stage IIIb/IV 4/23/06 got into Tarceva trial 4/26/06 CT scan head, chest,pelvis, abdomen; Bone scan;all clean except chest 4/28/06 started Tarceva 6/2/06 CT scans chest, pelvis, abdomen; STABLE!!!! 7/18/06 CT Scans; progression; off Tarceva on to Carbo/Taxol/Avastin 7/28/06 Brain MRI clear; start Carbo/Taxol/Avastin 6 cycles 9/06 scans show reduction in all tumors and lymph nodes; pleural effusion gone; all else stable 10/06 scans show stable with some improvement; nodules shrinking and large mass less solid 12/06 Scans show overall improvement; all nodules smaller; no effusion; feeling good; starting on just avastin 12/15 TURNED 40 TODAY!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 My dear Tracy, I was off the board for a couple of days and that is when you posted so I missed your post. Sorry I was not here to help you through your funk time. But at aleast now I know you are feeling better and I just want you to know that we don't even have to have C to get those days. So you have every right, much more than me who wallows in pity sometimes, to feel the way you do. Your life as you knew it had a dramatic changed. You have young children who depend on you and a great husband who worshps you. So there you are truly blessed. It certainly is understandable how scared you are. It's called being human. What G-d has in store for us, like Jamie said keep the faith and look into your heart and maybe there you will find your answers. Then again you may never know but G-d loves us and we have to keep the faith especially when we are at our lowest. Isn't it strange how we always pull overselves out. This could be through words from family, encouragement from friends,a book, or whatver. So maybe that is G-d's way of helping us. This is a saying that I use and it has much truth in its content. 'Faith does not get you around trouble, it gets you through it'. Bless you my friend. I am trilled you are feeling better. This board is G-d sent, put here by our angels on earth, Katie & Rick who because of this site, has helped countless people to have faith, support, prayers and encouragment to help someone who is wounded get through these terrible downs. We hear you! We are here! " I believe friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly" We are here to help to lift you up when your wings are hurt. We will help you heal...and fly again. Take care my friend, Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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