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Still married


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I'm new to the "grief" section. It was two weeks ago today that we lost Bill. I'm still struggling with the realness of it all. Life is starting to settle down a bit, with my wonderful in-laws going home to Spain on Saturday. Mom is still here. But the house is quieter and I'm back sleeping in my own room. Cards are still arriving in the mail, but the flowers are slowly wilting and ready to make their way to the trash bins. I have Bill's pictures from the service all over the dining room, but it looks beautiful. I'll keep it that way for now. One is a poster I had made of he and our Mrs. Dickens. It was at the front of the church for the service. He looks so happy! They're swimming in the pool. I just love it.

I'm fortunate to have a wonderful woman in my life. She lost her husband to a long illness when he was just in his 50s too. She's in her 70s now and lives a very active and fruitful life. I'd like to be like her when I grow up. She was crazy about Bill and prayed for his healing everyday.

I told her I was still struggling at the "realness" of it all. (I keep thinking he's on some extended trip and will be coming home.) I don't know if anyone else will find comfort in these words, but I did. She wrote me:

"That "awareness" comes at different times and different ways but it happens - sometimes over quite a length of time. Bill being gone is a fact but you will constantly "share" with him and laugh with him and so on. It is really NOT over!"

It was the "It is really NOT over!" bit that got me. I'm still married, I'm still madly in love, I'm still connected. I'm still waiting to see him again.

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Teri, I am still married almost 3 years later. The edge is definitely off the grief and my heart is open for other opportunities. BUT.... when you have had a marriage of totalness, not obsessiveness, but the total sharing of a life and love and friendship, that will always be there in your heart. I still talk to Earl.

It seems that you and Bill had a totalness marriage. Be grateful...it is rare. Rejoice in the memory of him, relish that you know that you were not only loved, but adored, by an amazing man.

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Your message to Teri was beautiful and it helped me too. I also feel so blessed to have been loved and adored by an amazing man. 1 year 5 months (will be Aug 2nd) later, I am still married. I still wear my rings and still feel a part of what was and still feels like "us".

God Bless Teri,


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at 19 months away from the passing away I too am still married. I know the feeling all too well. Thank you for sharing this with us. rAndyW

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Johnny and I never had the chance to be married but we had loved for most of our lives though seperated for over 40 years. We had only 5 months together but we shared more in that 5 months than most people share in a life time. We were not married on paper but we were married in our hearts many years ago and I still feel married to him and feel his love every day.

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Hi Teri,

Been thinking about you and wondering how you are coping.

Everyone who has answered your post so far has lost their spouses to that monster. I am so fortunate to have my Joel with me. I can't even and won't even imagine being without him.

I just want to say that your wonderful, talened Bill is still much a part of you as he was when he was here. It will take a long time to even feel like he is gone and not going to walk through that door.

But one day, way down the road when you meet again it will be glorious. I really believe that. I also believe just because he left his sick body his soul lives on and he loves you just as much now as he ever did.

When you need him he will just be a whisper away.

My heart goes out to you and eveyone on here who has walked in your shoes.

love ya,


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My heart aches for you.

Wishing you peace, comfort and strength on your new journey without your Bill. I am sure he is watching over you and you will find some comfort in that.

Take Care of yourself


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Yes, Mary, just yesterday for the very first time it occurred to me that I fit the "widow" category, at least legally. I had to check a box that said, "surviving spouse." That made me feel physically sick.

I was driving home by myself after visiting Bill's work to do some paperwork. Everyone there has been amazing. All the way through, they were amazing. I had the radio on, which I haven't done in a long time. So I suppose I was distracted. As I rounded the corner to turn into our driveway, I saw his car and thought, "oh good, Bill's home." Then, of course, reality hit. It was the first time that's happened. I'm sure the first of many.

Hugs back to everyone...

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I haven't been on this board in a long time. Finally got up the courage to check in today. Your post and the others really hit me. Now I know that it is not strange for me to feel "still married" even after 16 months. I still wear my rings and still have all of Ken's stuff. I know someday I will have to let go, but I'm just not ready yet.

It's amazing how a small thing can trigger such a big feeling. Yesterday morning I went out to my car. It was covered with dew. I took my hand to wipe off the passenger window and was hit by the memory of how Ken would go out in the mornings and take the hose to wash the dew off the windows for me so I would be able to see. I was just stunned how hard it hit me, this long after, that he's not there to look out for me anymore.

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I just wanted to say hi... I am one week out past you...3 weeks tomorrow...it is all still so new to me as well....very hard to believe....

I am glad that you have someone to help you through this time... this is definitely a big adjustment...

I havent liked filling out paperwork as well...

many times the only options are Single/Married/Divorced ... technically I have to say single..but that bothers me..just b/c it nullifies his existance... I still havent figured out why Divorce is an option but not widowed....

50% of marriages end in divorce..so the other 50% end in death.... I dont want to say single..I want people to know that there was someone who loved me and I loved him....sigh...


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My parents were soul mates, married 52 years when my father passed away.

In time my mother had to admit to being a single person but she has never had the urge to do anything as far as dating.

Her motto is....I've had the best, why would I want the rest?

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