Marci Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 HI ALL, I AM AND WILL BE THE CAREGIVER TO MY MOM FOR MOST OF THE TIME. MY GRANDMOTHER ALSO (HER MOTHER) WHO IS GETTING UP THERE IN AGE WILL ALSO BE HELPING ME WITH GETTING HER BACK AND FORTH TO CHEMO AND SUCH. I FEEL AWFUL HAVING MY GRAMS DO THIS BUT I AM ALSO WORKING AT A NEW JOB. I KNOW MY STATE HAS FAMILY MEDICAL LEAVE BUT I WON'T BE ELIGIBLE UNTIL I HAVE COMPLETED A YEAR AND THAT WON'T BE FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS. ANY ADVICE OR SIMILAR GUILT FOR OTHERS THAT THEY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO WORK AND BALANCE THIS STUFF OUT! MARCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 HI ALL, JUST REALIZED I SHOULD HAVE POSTED THIS UNDER FAMILY MEMBERS/CAREGIVERS! OOPS! MARCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Hello Marci, I was caregiver to my husband the only one till his last week when I had full time nurses. I was seventy-four years old when Mike found out he had lc, each day for eight months I drove him daily (five days a week) for his treatments a ride of 200 miles. We moved two months after the treatments were finished, we did not have time to sell a house and travel each day, his health came first the moving was second. Your grandmother may be in good health and able to do it, she is her DAUGHTER even if she is also your mother. You could also try to find somebody that live in the same town as your mother and grandmother, a service that could help her out, care and transport. Don't put more guilt on your mother talking about your job that you may lose if you take time out. Do the best you can and try the best you can to find some help near her. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 It will work out. Just takes some time and adjustment. Here is a Link that may be of some assistance for you in getting all this organized. Click to be redirected to the site. http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/ Also a free site and service.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 HEY JACKIE- THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I WOULD NEVER MAKE MY MOM FEEL GUILTY AT ALL! I AM THE ONE WHO FEELS THE GUILT DUE TO THE FACT THAT WORK IS THE LAST PLACE I WANT TO BE EVER NOW AND UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN ORDER TO KEEP THE ROOF OVER OUR HEADS AND ALSO GET MY MOM TO ALL THE DR'S APPTS AND STUFF. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO GIVE UP THIS JOB AND STAY W/MY MOM EVERYDAY TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK BUT ITS JUST NOT MY REALITY. I AM JUST CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO.EVERY MORNING I LEAVE THE HOUSE MY HEART TUGS AND I JUST FEEL AWFUL GOING TO WORK. I AM PRAYING TO GOD TO ASSIST ME WITH THIS. MARCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 THANKS RANDYW FOR THE SUPPORT. I THINK EVEN THOUGH THERE MAY NOT BE A SOLUTION RIGHT THIS MINUTE KIND WORDS HELP EASE THE ANXIETY. HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL AND SENDING WARM WISHES TO YOU. THANKS MARCI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Marci, I worked while taking care of Mom who lived 45 minutes from my job. I told my boss when Mom was diagnosed that I have to be there whenever she needs me, and I'll certainly go the extra mile to make up any work that needs to get done earlier or later in the day. It was never a guilt thing, as I knew, when all was said and done, a job is just a job, and anyone in your shoes would be perfectly understanding that Mom comes first. So let go of that guilt...your employer will understand unless they aren't human...and if they aren't...well, this is a clean board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Marci, You don't have to say the words to make your mother feel guilty, lc patients or any patient already feel bad having to depend on others and your mom by herself would find a way of thinking ''If only I had not got lc'' Better keep the roof on all of you, that is your share to do and a big one. If your mother gets radiation you may be able to schedule the treatments in the evenings......you will see and learn day by day. I had to wear very soft shoes not to step on Mike's toes, he never drove a car, just big machinery, so he could not drive himself and I heard a few times, ''It is such a nice day and you have to drive me'' I just wanted you to feel at ease, we are here to help you if we can by what we learned taking care of a loved one. Hugs to all Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Marci, I know what you mean about feeling guilty leaving your Mom. I feel the same way every day. And we are really short at work and they need extra help...I feel kinda guilty about not helping out there but then I think they are stupid for asking me. I just keep telling them no--I have something important to do at home. They haven't been totally supportive either. I've learned not everyone means it when they say to let them know if they can do anything. I just makes them feel good. And I also learned that I can't vent THERE but I can HERE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Marci, Also the American Cancer Society offers services. Might want to look into it. Hope this helps. Prayers for the best. Rich http://www.cancer.org/docroot/COM/conte ... tearea=COM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikk67 Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Please dont feel any guilt about being a caregiver and working!!! I am a patient and would hate anyone who is my caregiver to feel like that. I am lucky that my partner, my son and my sister all help out and my dad constantly offers and my step mother recently stopped working and she has offered as well. But I would hate to think any of them would feel guilt about still working - taking care of yourself and your family is just as important, otherwise you cant take care of your mom. Remember to take care of yourself - do whatever you can to give yourself a break and keep up your energy. GL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 Marci: You are very fortunate to have others to help ease this burden. They are there for your Mom and you are there for your Mom. Together you all make up a team of caretakers. Consider this: if you were to quit the job to take care of her, how would that make your Mom feel? Not too good I'd bet, so you don't want to lay that on her. Do whatever you have to do to keep body and soul together and toss the guilt. wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted September 26, 2007 Author Share Posted September 26, 2007 Thanks to all of you and thank you to KatieB and husband who created this wonderful place to come and find help and advice. I have to take this day by day - minute by minute I am learning. I will tell you though something miraculous happened last night after I posted yesterday about worrying about work and getting mom to treatment I prayed last night for God to send me his helpers and he did this a.m. - I got another volunteer who lives up the street from us to help drive mom. Grateful for the little things now. Many Blessings- Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted September 27, 2007 Share Posted September 27, 2007 Hi Marci: Having another volunteer is wonderful!! It makes it all just a teeny bit easier. So glad for you. Don't be afraid to ask those other people who once said 'if there's anything I can do'........... Good Luck & God Bless wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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