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I'm doing it, but just barely...


mamasbabygirl

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Thanksgiving..ahhh...the memories are so great. Like Katie, I am making dinner for a few people (in John's family) today for this first time. Building up to today has been awful for everyone around me. I can't keep it together, but I know that I need to. Grief takes a powerful hold over me and makes me lose focus on what I need to do.

If SHE was still here, life would be good. Without her, it feels empty, even on Thanksgiving. I know it is wrong. I have my children and I ask that you all pray that I can get myself together to be thankful for them.

If SHE was still here, she'd be here with me and the celery and onion would be boiling on the stove. We'd be excited about the upcoming parade.

Instead, I am motionless on the loveseat, frozen by fear realized-this is my life and I don't like it. The celery and onion await me, but the tears won't stop and my heart hurts so bad that it feels like my chest is going to burst open.

My brother and stepdad, needless to say, will not be here. My life, as I knew it, is different. I hardly see them. They are part of stepdad's family now. I was not even invited to my brother's birthday celebration. I do NOT for one moment regret anything I did for my mom, stepping on toes and all. But, if SHE was here, that never ever would have happened. I did make him a cake and have him over, it was like a sidenote.

I have got to find some inspiration to get myself moving today. It is so hard to live this new reality. How I wish, how I wish you were here...

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Lori THink HAppy thoughts and Fun memories. Memories are something no one can ever take away from any of us. Trust me I know how hard it is..

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It's hard for me today, too. My approach to the day will be to cherish the treasured memories I had with Mom, and try to create some new ones today as well. I'll be getting together with others who knew and loved her, and hopefully we will laugh and joke bout her, and not ignore her absence like the elephant in the room.

I hope your day goes well. I will pray for you.

Kelly

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(((Lori))), it's hard. I went through a crying spell yesterday. Out of the blue, I just fell apart.. I'm only cooking for myself and youngest son. I hear Mike's voice in my head. No matter what was prepared, he acted like it was the most wonderful thing in the world. The weekend after, we would be getting out the xmas decor..... Christmas, another hard time. Hope you will feel better, after a good cry , and be able to make the best of your day.

God Bless,

Sue

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know too.. I thought I would just check to see how you all are. I have been avoiding. Thanksgiving was just for me like you and Katie. I could have written your posts myself. You are all in my prayers. This reality still and always crushes my heart.

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