alyssa0323 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 The 17th of every month marks my moms passing, which is also sad because it also marks my daughters monthly birthdays ! (she is only 9months old right now) So you see its bittersweet for me. It's been a month now that I have lost my mom to this disease and to be honest, I am mad as hell still. I cant stop thinking of her and missing her every day. I am mad that my daughter wont have the opportunity to meet her wonderful grandmother. I am mad that she only had TWO months to try to fight this cancer. I told myself I wouldn't come back to this site because it's just too painful, but in all honesty, other than my family, its the only place where people understand my pain. During this very long month, I believe I was given a sign.. (or possibly I am turning everything into one in hopes that she is trying to let me know she is okay??) I was feeding my daughter breakfast and heard a tapping at my front door. I opened the door only to see a beautiful red cardinal sitting on the carport. It just stayed there for a minute and then flew off into the trees. This bird was significant to me because as a child, I grew up on Cardinal Dr with my mom. I immediately thought of my mom and the good times. I called my sister and told her about what I saw and she started crying on the phone. She told me that the night before she looked out her window and saw a cardinal just staring in. I want so desperately to believe it was a sign from up above that my mom is watching over us still...... I am holding onto this with all I have... Again, I cant tell you enough how glad I am that I found this site. It makes me feel better to talk to people who can relate to what I am going through! xo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 ((((Alyssa)))) I am so glad to see you post. I am so sorry it is so painful but we do "get it" and we are here for you. I love the cardinal sign and yes, I do believe it is a sign from your Mom. How touching that your sister also had that experience. Keep posting and lean on us as much as you need to. We are here and we will be here for you. Will PM you later... Love and Hugs Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Hi Alyssa. The cardinal story is lovely and I would be willing to bet that it was your dear mom wishing you well and letting you know she misses you as well but is doing okay. It is good to see you posting. There are many here who do absolutely get what you are going through. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Alyssa, Please come here anytime you need to. That's what we are here for. I believe the cardinal was a message from your mom. She knew it would bring you comfort and help you remember happier times. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstdzy Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Allyssa, I believe that was definitly your Mom! No doubt! Think about it for a minute, would it really be "Heaven" if you had to give on being with your loved ones? So I believe our Mama's are watching over us and loving us still. The one month anniversary, the 8th, was hard for me too. Maybe next month will be a little bit easier? Prayers for you and yours! Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alyssa0323 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 My friends and family tried sooo hard to make it special for me but no matter what they said and what they did, there was that void that no one could replace or fill... All I wanted was to hear my mom say "happy birthday" and that she loves me. Everyone says that she was there with me but its just not the same. I just want her back. :0( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstdzy Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Alyssa, I'm sorry Sweetie. What I would give for a second with my Mom. I didn't "celebrate" my birthday either. Maybe next year. I have a feeling this year with all it's "first's" without Mom is going to be difficult to say the least. My thoughts are with you and a bunch of prayers too! Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 The winter after mom was gone, I would see cardinals out in the winter and I would just stare and they would just sit there and not move...I always thought "mom". Anger is normal. My mom got 30 days which just wasn't enough time and never met her granddaughter...I know pissed off and angry. It's OK. Many here have had signs...they aren't you reaching for them, they are real! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alyssa0323 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 You all truly make me feel so much better just knowing you have been there, done that, felt that way....etc etc.... I have so much admiration for all of you! I am fortunate that my mom was there at my daughter's birth and the first 8 months of her life. I am fortunate that she was able to hold Rylan and kiss her face over and over again and that she was able to see the baby's big bright smile many times... As fortunate as I feel, I am just so very sad that Rylan will grow up without having her grammy there. I know my mom will be up above looking down and protecting her, but her touch was always so special ! I have an older daughter, Felicia 17. She was very very close with my mom and after she passed, Felicia got a beautiful tattoo on her ankle that says "grammy" with angel wings around it and a halo above it! I couldnt get mad at her for getting that tattoo no matter how hard I wanted to !!! :0) Just missing my mom more and more... Hugs everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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