new to lcsc

[jwstar3000]

My name is Jan. My husband has small cell lung cancer. We try to work together so far is be ok. But very hard. I hate to see him so tired and sick and he has only had one cemo and about a weeks worth radiation. I am here to learn from others , how best to help and maybe even not help. I want to know what I might be doing wrong. I quitely in my mind think he is pushing me away , but the i say no can't be he is sick. Random thoughts. Married 22 great years, we have had some bad things happen that life has brought but this is by far the biggest blow. Thanks for listening.

[jstdzy]

Hi Jan,

I also was dx'd with small cell lung cancer. I'm doing good now. Don't read the statistics they will just scare you. As for your husband pushing you away I don't know. I just know that when I was going through chemo I was really sick. I was just too sick for people. I was focused on getting through treatment. What helped me a lot was eating. I couldn't eat meals anymore, but every couple of hours my Mom would ask if I wanted a snack. One day something would taste fine, the next day it would taste terrible. Most of us seem to like ice cream type drinks and smoothies. Try Boost, Insure and Carnation Instant Breakfast, get differant flavors and see if he might like one. One thing keep up with the nausea medications, they are a life saver, don't wait until he is really sick before taking them. Another thing that really helped is I talked to my doctor's and nurses a lot about anything differant I saw or felt, they would tell me that was normal or give me a new prescription! Come here a lot too. People here were a big help for me.

Dana

[RandyW]

sorry you have to be here but glad you are! LEt the things get going and You should see some difference! I was in opposite situation. Wife had LC so its a little different. Keep in mind he is a guy. we dont like being sick it makes us feel lousy. It robs us of our ability toi be the provider in the household. It takes away our dignity and exposes our weaknesses. This is anew normal and it does take some getting used to. Chemo, radiation, Drugs to be taken, Side effects. Its a lot to digest so fast. takes alittle getting used to the new routine!!

Hang in there.. You will get more responses from others. THis is the fight of Your husbands life. Ya have to stay strong in order to help him win it!!

[Donna G]

I have several friends in our local lung cancer support group who were diagnosed with small cell lung cancer years ago and have been doing well . I pray your husbands disease responds that well to chemo also. They also had preventative brain radiation. Keep us posted.

Donna G

[SandraL]

Hi Jan. You and your husband will get through this. Sometimes as a caregiver it is hard to know the right thing to do. My best advice is to ask your husband what he would like. Then even if it isn't right it is what he asked for. And remember, if he is not himself, it is the treatments, and he will at some point feel better. Please take care and keep us posted on how you and your husband are doing. We are here for you and many here have walked in your shoes.

Sandra

[dahknee]

Hi Jan, like everyone I'm so sorry you have to be here, but glad you are. When I was diagnosed I had just gotten engaged and I felt terribly guilty to be dragging someone into what i felt was a terrible future. My sugarbear agreed to marry me anyway and has been beside me, behind me, carrying me all the way and I couldn't be more grateful. But at times I am ashamed of my disease and what i feel it is robbing us of and it is really hard to talk about that. Sometimes I am just angry that I don't feel well and can't do all that I need to to contribute to our lives. Sometimes I would really like help but don't know how to ask for it. The gamut of emotions that go along with this is soooo overwhelming and being a man I think I should be able to handle everything. One thing I have found when others are trying to help that I feel is great is when someone offers a tangible rather than asking what I want. Such as we have a couple of friends who came over one afternoon with a paper bag that had a lasagna and bread in it as well as paper plates, utensils, the entire meal was taken care of. They didn't ask they just did it and it was entremely appreciated. Sometimes it is hard to ask, sometimes I don't know what might help but if someone offers something tangible I know if it will or won't help and I don't feel that confusion. Anyway just know that he is grateful to you even if he doesn't know how to say it or show it. Caregivers are our lifelines and GOD sends.

GOD bless you and keep posting.

Donny

[Katy66]

Jan,

Welcome to the site, sorry you had to find it. I'm fairly new here too. My husband has NSC stage IV. You get some great information here and wonderful stories of hope and success. I don't always post but I read when I can.

Randy,

Thanks for your response to Jan. It made me a little more aware of what my husband is feeling and why he can't say.

[jaminkw]

Hi Jan, I'm coming in a little late on the welcome but WELCOME. The fact that you are here says so much about how much you care. Men don't have the market on not wanting to ask for help. I struggle with it too. I do much better when my husband says "here let me do that" or just does something helpful. I sometimes get irrationally angry when he sits there and asks "do you need help?" To my ear the offer sometimes sounds like he really doesn't want to but....Bottom line, as a caretaker you sometimes just can't win so don't try to. Do what you can and what you feel but don't always expect rational behavior or responses from your husband. I don't mean to confuse just urge you to do what you can and don't take his seemingly irrational (at times) responses personally. I'm sure he knows you love him and have his best interests at heart. Don't let the feeling that he is trying to pull away put you off--he needs you there more than ever.

Judy in Key West

[recce101]

Hi, Jan, welcome to the group. People react in different ways when faced with a life-threatening disease, and it doesn't always seem logical or reasonable. I agree with what someone else said — maybe just ask him how you can help. Some men (women, too) detest being "hovered over" because it gives them the feeling of being smothered.

Back in 2006 when I was recovering from my exploratory surgery and things looked a little bleak, my smart wife asked me how she could help. I said don't give me sympathy or a lot of attention, just be nice. She was and is. Aloha,

Ned

[Patti B]

Hi Jan-

Welcome to the group alto like everyone else says, sorry you found the need to be here.

I am the patient, not the caregiver and sometimes I get really cranky with the people closest to me - don't know why, maybe its just easier to vent at them rather than someone else. Could be what your husband is going through. Or, remember, there are some meds, like decadron (steroids) that they may have put him on with his radiation that make you, to say the least, a tad bit irritable and nasty!!! But thats normal.

Please keep us posted on how he is doing. Remember to take care of yourself, too.

There IS hope with lung cancer - just read some of the survival stories here.

Hugs - Patti B.