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My sister


alyssa0323

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Hello everyone. I haven't posted much on here lately but I log on every day to read how everyone is doing. I just spoke with my sister a few minutes ago. Now keep in mind, she was with my mom 24/7 from the time she was diagnosed with lung cancer to the day she passed away - two months later. She is of course having a very hard time coping with my mom's passing, as is the rest of the family... but since she was my mom's caretaker and with her sooo much, she blames herself for alot of went wrong with my mom. :0( She just told me that she is thinking about setting up a phone session with a Suzane Northrop (a medium, I guess similiar to John Edwards) for $500 for 45 minutes to try to see if my mom is okay and to see if this person can contact her. I am really skeptical about these sort of things. Has anyone heard of this person and if so, any thoughts? I believe that my sister is having such a hard time that she is desperate for any kind of sign that my mom is okay. I miss my mom so much and I think I believe in some sort of life after death but Im afraid these type of people just take advantage of those of us in this awful grieving process. You would think that these people would offer these readings for FREE and not charge half your life savings to those of us who just lost a loved one. Conflicted.

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Alyssa,

I was my Mom's caretaker as well. I went through the guilt thing too. My Mom did not want my sister at the hospital and did not want me to tell anyone that she was even there. Of course that was on a Saturday late afternoon and by Sunday morning she was already going in to a coma. She got sick on a Thursday, we called 911 on Friday and she was gone late Sunday afternoon. I questioned myself alot in the begining, could I have saved her if I'd called 911 sooner? What if I had done this or that?!? Then I realized that Mom was finally at peace and not in pain or fear or under stress anymore. My Mom is at peace and I am still trying to find my own peace. My grief has eased a little bit. Good days, bad days, missing her doesn't change. The hardest part to except is how powerless I was over my Mom's passing. Your sister couldn't wave a magic wand and make your Mom's cancer disappear. Could she have maybe prolonged your Mom's life? That was between your Mom and God. I can't say yes or no on the medium. Do I believe in that stuff? You bet! I just don't think you have to go through another person to have a spirtual connection to someone. Your sister needs to let time pass and that takes time.

Dana

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Alyssa

Alarm bells would ring for me with them wanting to charge that amount of money for a phone consultation. They will hear the panic and desperation in your sister's voice and use this to their advantage. Now there are some very good mediums out there, but I would say that there are a lot more fakes than genuine mediums. I don't believe that a real, good, medium would charge anywhere near that amount of money.

I would try and talk your sister out of this and maybe see if you can talk her into attending a Spiritualist Church for a few weeks instead.

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my fave saying is, "5 bucks, and the shoulda, woulda, couldas, will get Ya a large starbucks"

Dont feel guilty. I took care of my wife for almost 3 years fighting this disease. I can still remember the night that she passed away in the hospital like it was yesterday.

We did everything that we humanly can for our loved ones. at some point, God Steps in, and says, "I need you here for something!" and he doesnt tell us about it. We will finally be together someday in heaven I believe. Untilk then, we soldier on!!

I did the guilt thing for a while. Then I get a copy of Debs Medical reports that the doctor sends to insurance company. You can get those if you really want to! Just contact the hospital records department and they can help you. And after reading them I realized that there was nothing more I could have done....

As far as contacting a medium like this I would say save your money. Let the grief out in any form you want. I used to buy a dozen eggs at the store and Launch them at full force til my shoulder hurt. At night I would go out side under the stars and yell at god and talk to Deb and get everything off my chest, and I felt better after that !!!! REmember Your mom is right above you looking down. She might be a little busy but she is there. She is your guardian angel always!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and Prayers and Hope for some sunshine in Life for all of you!!!!

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First off, I am sorry the family continues to grieve, but of course it is completely understandable. But I'll get right to the medium thing...and sorry, I'll be slightly religious here (I don't know why I feel compelled to apologize for that but I do).

First (for me, maybe not you or others) biblically there is guidance against using mediums.

But beyond what is written: don't put your faith in a human charging $500...put your faith in your Creator, and however that Creator has promised that your Mom is OK.

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Hi,

Please tell your sister that many of us suffer as she does.

Please let her know that I felt some relief after reading:

No Death NO Fear

by

Thich Nhat Hanh

I found it very comforting.

As to the medium maybe you two could ask each other if your mom would have spent $500. this way ~ maybe yes? maybe no? but that could help w/ the decision.

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Alyssa-

I am so sorry that your sister feels this guilt altho like Dana said, there is no way your sister could have changed the outcome.

I would be a bit afraid to have anyone contact a medium when they are feeling so vulnerable. This medium could be 100% legit but I would worry that she will pick up on your sister's intense grief and guilt and use it to her advantage financially.

Maybe your sister could join a grief support group, or maybe, she could come here for support. We would love to welcome her here.

Hugs - Patti B.

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As a caregiver myself, I know those feelings well.

Bottomline is we wanted to save them, and we couldn't. No matter what we did or didn't do, even if we did everything "right", we couldn't stop the cancer and we couldn't save them. it's a large weight on our shoulders for a very long time.

I personally wouldn't spend the money on a medium, but that's just me and what I believe. I think a dream about your mom letting her know things were ok would be just as effective...it was for me, but it didn't come for almost 3 years after my dad died. With my mom it happened right away.

I also agree with Nick. Spiritually, I think it's what you believe that lets you know that your loved one is in a better place now and brings you some level of peace.

I think after a lot of time, perhaps some counseling and some personal healing, those feelings will begin to lift for your sister- and all of you as well.

While all my siblings grieved for my dad, no one could understand what I was going thru, and nothing they said or could do would help me thru my grieving process. I think it's something we each have to do in our own way.

I'll be keeping you and your sister in my prayers.

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