lilyjohn Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 I need my family here tonight. I am once more on the verge of that deep depression that hits me this time each year. I thought this year would be different bcause of the new man in my life. I was wrong but the depression is all mixed up with my love for Johnny and what is happening in our lives. Most of you know that I have a special place in my heart for older people or those who are sick. It never occured to me that could work against me. I never thought of older people as gossips or trouble makers. I guess I am just nieve enough to think that age takes those things away. How wrong I have been. When I first moved here I stood back for awhile then I jumped in with both feet. I volunteer for everything. I have organized parties that were missing here and helped get things moving. I work hard cooking and organizing things. I took over the recycle program and have made it pay off big time. I buy the gifts for bingo with the money. I got the Halloween parties up and running again. I have cooked many things and shared with all of my neighbors. I held a pancake breakfast a few weeks ago and offered to do it again each month if they wanted me to. I have even cleaned the bathroom and kitchen in our recreation room. I put myself out there and thought people really cared but now I just feel used. I have noticed for a long time that I can do the work but when I make a suggestion it is usually shot down by one or two people., People I thought had become my closest friends. I have had the dirty looks and remarks under the breath if I slip and say a swear word or tell a story that may indicate that such a thing as sex actually exists, that all babies are not from virgin births. I wear shorts and tank tops when it is hot. I have been told I have nice legs and cleavage. Why shoudl I hide it or be ashamed of my body. It has been made pretty obvious that most of my neighbors think it is wrong to dress like I do. I guess they think that once you reach a certain age you should crawl up in your skin and pretend to be pure. I have tried to ignore all of those things but something happened now and I just can't ignor them any longer. I am mad and hurt. I thought I had finally found a place to belong. Terry has awoke feelings in me that I thought had died with Johnny. Now we are having problems. The problems aren't between us, if anything they are drawing us closer. It is just hard to be close when you can't see eachother without it causing a problem. Appearantly some of the neighbors have been talking about us, talking to the apartment manager who just happens to be Terry's sister. We can pretty much imagine the things they are saying. You know there is no way they think that a man especially a younger man could be interested in me. I am sure they think he is out to use me and I am chasing him. I am also sure that one story or the other is what was told to Linda. I was cooking a nice dinner for Terry and his son. For the first time they were going to come to my home and eat with me instead of just taking the food home. He happened to mention it to his sister and she told him that he nor his son is to go into any apartment other than his own or hers. She told him that anything he does refects on her. What makes it really bad is that he needs her help to get his car fixed. He just found out that it needs major repairs. So he has to abide by what she says. He does't like it but doesn't want to cause her a problem either. The thing is I really thoughtshe liked me. She seemed to. I am just not sure if she just doesn't like me with her brother or if she doesn't trust him or me enough to think that we won't cause a problem for her. I just think it is so wrong that we can be told that we can't be together in my house or his. Everytime we go outside we can feel the eyes on us if we even stop and talk to eachother. We are determined to not let it stop us from seeing eachother. We are hoping to get both or our cars up and running very soon and then we will just go away for a while together. This whole thing has brought me back to the edge of the pit of depression. There are so many memories this time of year of me and Johnny. Good memories and bad ones. They haunt me all of the time. I was starting to think there was a chance to be happy and feel loved again and now this. It was interferance that kept me and Johnny from having a life together, now it seems once again that it will take from me another shot at happiness. I have always known that love hurts, why does it have to be proven to me over and over again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marisa Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Hugs to you Lily..... I know it's hard but don't let judgemental small minded people ruin your happiness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 My first immediate Thought is someone has control issues here!! That would be Linda... Is Terry on the payroll??? Does HE work for the Complex in any way is my second thought. It sounds like Linda? is the one at fault here for putting all of this on you saying He can not see You. I am sorry for Ally our sorrow right now Lily. IT sounds like things have been on the rebound and going well until now. I Hope and Pray that all is quickly resolved because after all you have been through Ya deserve all the Love and Happiness. Ignore the neighbors they're just jealous cause Your Happy!!! I am glad YA found someone to make YOU Happy!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Lily, There is an old saying, "Don't let the barking dogs stop the caravan." Follow your own instincts. They are the ones that matter. (((HUGS))), Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 ((((lilly)))) Follow your heart and your instincts. Gossips are busybodies who compensate for no life of their own by speculating about others. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Lily, Remember that mean young people grow up to be mean old people. It's easy to say not to let the gossip get to you, but harder to actually do. I would suggest you lay low until Terry's car is fixed. THEN, Linda can go to hell with her try at controlling your lives. Don't hate me for saying this, but you're too damn old to be concerned about what other people think - so am I, and I'm just over 40! I believe that shorts and tank tops are accepted as a California wardrobe - younger people wear far less, so you're modest with a bit of cleavage and some leg showing. Want to start a real scandal, let me know and I'll send you a thong bikini with some bling on the little bitty bits of fabric. Busy bodies... ....and stop cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen. You shouldn't have to clean up a bathroom if you're living with a bunch of people whose sh*t don't stink! Love ya, girlfriend, hang in there! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks to all of you. I guess when I posted here I knew where my real friends are. It is just very disheartening to give so much of myself and get slamed like that. Today has not been the best of days. I have only talked to him once today and not seen him at all. I am thinking that his sister has said something else to him because we were seen out walking together yesterday morning. Becky as always you made me laugh. I think you hit the nail right on the head. I never thought I was moving in with a bunch of puritans The funny thing is a few short years ago I may have been one of them. Life has thrown me too many curve balls to live like that any more. Another disapointment today. My nephew was supposed to come and pick up my car so he can take it apart and see what parts I need for him to fix it. Never showed up or called. It sure stinks when you have to depend on someone else for something. In my case to help lower the cost and in his case to help pay for the work. I guess when we need them we have to bend to their will. We have a meeting Wednesday and I am going to shock the sh&& out of them. I plan on anouncing that I will fulfill any obligations that I have already made but will volunteer for nothing else. I will be gone for a month to spend the holidays with my family. When I return I plan on taking a class at a hospice here in town to become a grief counciler. I have been told by some dear friends that I have helped them more than anyone. I guess knowing the extent of their pain because of my own helps. I just want to do something to make a dfference while I am still young enough. I don't believe I have been given a second chance with my life to spend it sitting around with a bunch of old ladies sewing and gossiping all of the time. Anyway once again thank you all. I will keep you informed on how things progress. Love to all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 glad your being proactive Lily!!!((((((Lily))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Lily, You sure have done your part to make your community a more social place, but these people are not worth your efforts. Their friendship is so shallow and they are so self-righteous that they are miserable in their tiny lives that they resort to belittling others to elevate themselves. Grow up, people! You might be well served in finding another group to socialize with. Do you attend a church? They often have social functions, and there is opportunity to find like-minded individuals there. Do you play cards? Euchre and bridge clubs are another source of networking. Do you knit? I could go on, but you get the idea. You need to keep shopping for the group you fit into. Older women feel very threatened by younger, single women. They think every single woman is after their man! Let them have their insecurities, and YOU go out and have a good time with YOUR man! You have every right to celebrate this relationship and not feel that it is tawdry. You are not seeing a married man, right? But do keep your eyes open, and make sure that the sister doesn't continue to control her brother's life. He needs to have enough of a backbone to tell her to back off. If he doesn't, more problems will lie ahead. For now, in the words of Bonnie Raitt, "Lets give them somethin' to talk about!" Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You go, girlfriend!!! Tell those people that they're really going to "miss the water when the well goes dry." You and Terry are both adults and are very capable of making adult decisions about your lives!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I have noticed for a long time that I can do the work but when I make a suggestion it is usually shot down by one or two people Lily, I am so sorry I was caught up in my own misery and wasn't there to respond to you on Saturday. Sounds like the rest of the "family" here came in with wise and supportive remarks. I particularly appreciate humor so Becky, I have to say I loved: ....and stop cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen. You shouldn't have to clean up a bathroom if you're living with a bunch of people whose sh*t don't stink! Priceless!We'll be waiting to see what your announcement prompts on Wednesday. I'm hoping it will demonstrate there are only a couple of bad eggs in the bunch. If not, I agree, move on and find a group that is a better fit for you. Hard as it would be if it turns out to be true, if your man can't stand up to his sister, it only means more heartache ahead for the two of you. Judy in Key Wet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Well today is a much better day. Saturday I cried most of the day. I was hurt that people I care about could do that to me. Yesterday I was so damn mad I was ready to tell them all to go to hell. Today I am determined and wiser. I know what I am going to do but I will not bring myself down to do it. I can tell my plans and burst their bubble without being nasty about it. I think the point will get across. Just now I was outside cleaning out my car and guess who showed up. My friend Kim left us alone and we walked around talking where everyone could see us encluding his sister. He agrees with me that what we do is our business and if they don't like it they can hum hum themselves Once again we did talk about getting away from here for a while together. Not sure when or for how long but at this point I will take all I can get. He always makes me feel so much better about myself. I even shared some of my poems with him. He thinks they are great, I don't go there with too many people. Just the special ones that I get close to like all of you and a few more. Anyway once again thank you all for your support. When The Guiding Light went off the air I was crushed because I have watched it off and on from the time it started on tv and listened to it on the radio sense I was 5. Now I guess I will have my own personal soap opra to keep my busy. As they say our story will continue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Remember what Reva always said, "Follow your heart!!" Yeah I have watched the Light since after she was cloned in Key west!! and Annie was around!! Thanks Debbie Wallin wherever you are!!! Hugs and Great thoughts to Ya Lily and Terry!! This says it all Girl!! He always makes me feel so much better about myself. I even shared some of my poems with him. He thinks they are great, I don't go there with too many people. Just the special ones that I get close to like all of you and a few more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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