jean44 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 On Aug. 8th my husband Thom will be gone 2 yrs. He passed away from lung cancer. During the past 2 yrs. my emotions have run wild. When I think of him, my first emotion is sadness and I don't want it to be. I want it to be happy. But, the strongest emotion I have would be lonliness. A feeling of being totally alone. I have family and friends but, I still feel lonely. Thom and I were together in my teens, twenties, thirties, fourties, and he passed away the year I turned 50. It doesn't matter where I go or what I do, I am lonely. I miss EVERYTHING about him and that makes me lonely. No matter what life threw at us, he would always say, "you and me all the way". As long as we were together we could get through anything. Well, we are no longer together (he will always be with me in my heart) and everything isn't alright and I can't get through everything that life throws at me without him. I wish there was a magic pill that would take grief away and bring Thom back but, I know that's not going to happen. My life truely sucks without him and I am still looking for a way to "move on". I love him more than life and given the option, would have given up my life to be buried with him. Just needed to tell someone how I feel and I know there are several of you here that know what it's like to lose that part of your life that helped make you who you are. Thanks for reading. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annette Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I cannot imagine what you are going through - I've never had that level of horrible in my life. I could say that by being here and sharing your thoughts you know that you are not totally alone, everyone is here to offer support when needed but most importantly, aside from everything else you said the one that that touched my heart - is that you know you are not "alone" - he will always be in your heart. Gentle hugs and offered shoulder, Annette Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 amen to that one Jean! I know exactly how you feel! Hugs and prayers for peace and comfort! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joppette Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Jean, ((((((HUG)))))) I have not had to face this with my spouse. I'm glad you came here and wrote your feelings out, that is a step in healing. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in here. We do understand, and wish it could be otherwise for you. Judy in MI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Jean, just the way you are looking at Thom in your avatar says it all. I hope your grief and lonliness eases as time continues to pass. Judy in KW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hugs again, Jean. That's all I got. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 So sorry. I am so not in your shoes, and yet I totally understand! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Share Posted August 9, 2011 Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post and reply. Kasey, sometimes a hug is all we need. Thank you. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 ((((Jean)))), I do understand and my heart goes out to you. I too am really struggling since I lost my husband and it has been 5 1/2 years now. The one thing that I think you and I have in common is that we were both blessed with having wonderful marriages. Not everyone is that fortunate. My husband and I shared everything (for 36 years) and like you, I feel a part of me left with him because I rarely did anything without him. I am still trying to find myself . I hope that you will find the way to put joy back into your life and that in time the pain will diminish. They will always be with us Jean, I know Mike lives in my heart and always will .. I also know that he would want me to be happy, as I know Thom would want you to be. No answers today, just huge understanding hugs. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jean44 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Thanks so much Sue. It's comforting to know that someone else understands just how great a loss I (and you) have suffered. While I do have family and friends in my life, it's just not the same without him. I am just waiting for the day when I wake up and things are somehow "different" and I can look forward to enjoying the day. Most days now when I wake up, the first thing I think of is Thom is not here with me to share in whatever the day may bring. Hugs right back to you Sue and I hope for better days for the both of us. Love, Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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