Jump to content

No one knows


Recommended Posts

When you are surounded by family, friends and work friends you tend to forget the pain. Every one thinks you are ok and coping. Be alone for a while especially where you were the happiest then the pain and lonliness hits hard.

The past two days have been very hard to take. Constantly thinking about Pat and this home where we were happiest.

Anyone who thinks that because I have a new lady friend Pat is forgotton. How wrong they are. Erica cannot replace Pat. She is a totally different person and a new part of my life. She at least can relate to my feelings as she lost her husband years ago.

Thanks to all those that understand. Losing someone you have loved for so long is the worst thing that happens in your life.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ronnie whenever you get together with Family I have always found that an escape plan is good to have just for a while!!! So much happiness brings you down sometimes and you need to getaway from EVERYONE for a few minutes or so and regain composure..

and I understand about the relationship issues!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone.

Thanks for the kind comments and help.

During my 2 week break from Ghana back to South Africa I spent some time with my new friend. The understanding she showed when I felt down and the support was so wonderful. She understands what its like and told me that it took 5 years before she could go a day without thinking of her husband.

She has said that she is not there to take Pats place ever but to be a totally new companion in my life

She talks openly about her late husband and Pat and this helps ease the pain.

I will be seeing her over the Christmas period when we will all return home for the 10 days. Part of the time will be with the girls and some with her. I dont think I could take being completely alone during the time that was so dear to Pat.

Thanks again


Link to comment
Share on other sites


It's wonderful that you and Erica found each other. To find a person that shares your pain, and where you both can talk about it is a blessing.

My Mom re-connected with an old friend a couple years after my Dad died. Mom and Dad knew Mike and his wife for many, many years. She was having coffee one day, and Mike came in for his, and sat down with her. It turned out that his wife died the same year my Dad did. At first they were just friends. As they friendship grew (because of their commonality of grief) they began to date. I remember the day my Mom called to tell me she was dating Mike. I was so delighted!

In 1992, my then boyfriend proposed and we married in July of that year. That same year Mike proposed to my Mom, and they married in September of that same year. It was a blessing for all.

The love they had for each other was amazing and wonderful. It was different than what they had with their spouses that died, but it was as good if not better.

I don't know why I shared all of that, but for some reason I felt I should. I'm so glad you can spend this holiday season with Erica.

Judy in MI

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ronnie, so glad you still come here. We get it. It's good to hear your have Erica to care about you and support you. We know she doesn't replace Pat but her empathy having lost her husband will help ease the pain.

Have a wonderful Christmas reunion with her and your girls.

Judy in KW

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I understand the "lonliness" and how you feel.

Thom has been gone 2 yrs. and I still miss him everyday and probably always will.

I admire the fact that you have found comfort in a new friend and are able to move on.

I am "stuck" in a place where guilt resides and I don't know how to move past that. :(

Good luck and Happy Holidays to you and Erica. I hope you find peace and are able to enjoy the holidays together.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks everyone for the support during the past months. You have been a true inspiration to me and helped me over difficult periods.

I will be thinking of you all over the Christmas and new year period.

May we all find peace and happiness thriugh our grief


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

What you wrote:

When you are surrounded by family, friends and work friends you tend to forget the pain. Every one thinks you are ok and coping. Be alone for a while especially where you were the happiest then the pain and loneliness hits hard.

is so true!

I spent this first Christmas in Houston with my children. It was different but we got through in pretty good shape. Then I came back home to my empty house and reality started setting in. I can't help wondering at times if I am still in shock or numb.

I go along and don't cry for days and then the least little thing sets me off.

I make plans for all the things I want to do and suddenly I wonder how I am going to get through the rest of my life without him.

Scott once said that he knew if something happened to either one us, the other would pick back up and go on and be fine. I think that will happen. And I know that he came to me once in the night and comforted me and there at times that is all that keeps me going.

Sometimes it just seems like I'm living on this different planet and I don't know the landscape or what the rules are.

I didn't mean to whine and carry on, but that statement so accurately said what I've been feeling that I had to comment.

Hugs to all.


Link to comment
Share on other sites


Thanks for the comments. Yes it gets to you and somehow theres not always someone just to share the pain wit. Please be strong and maybe someday you will be able to look back and although it will always hurt see the wonderful family and friends that helped you through the toughest times.

Christmas and new year were a hive of activity. I left the site in Ghana on Friday 23 December and after a long drive arrived at the first airport. Did the bussiness of getting to the departure lounge and waited. The flight of about 1 hour was uneventful and we landed in Accra at about 15h00. off to the office and a quick clean up and meal and then it was time to return to Kotoka airport and wait for the flight to Johannesburg. Flight left at 23h30 and after a long tiring 6 hours we landed at 07h30. Erica was there to meet me an it was wonderful to once again look forward to coming home. We didnt go to my home in Durban as it would have meant 2 days wasted travelling.

The 24th was a mad rush buying last minute presents and things but we managed.

My two daughters Michelle and Brenda came over for Christmas lunch and we had a wonderful time.

The rest of the week went too quickly. I met and spoiled my granddaughter on the Thursday and then it was New Year.

On Monday 2 January 2012 I set off for the airport and at 17h30 departed for Accra. Arrived 2130 local time and went to a hotel for the night. the following day flew to Komasi the closest airport to the site. Three hours later back at the site and home from home.

Had a wonderful time with Erica. She has been such a pillar of strength in the times I have needed support.

I wish everyone a blessed new year. Let us all go forward with new hope no matter how dark the clouds of depair may seem.

Our loved ones we have lost will always be in out thoughts no matter what.

Love you all


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.