Kate7617

[Kate7617]

Hello to everyone and Happy New Year or as I like to say..Happy Day 2020,we are in the roaring 20's now so lets!  I have been hearing a lot about the "itchies" caused by Durva, can't say this works for Durva itchies but it has worked for very dry skin that I had in the past, so take 1/2 cup of old fashioned oat meal [ grind the oatmeal] 1 cup of corn starch, 1/2 cup of baking soda, 2 cups non fat milk mix it all together, and use 1/4 cup in a bath, and enjoy, I certainly hope it helps you! As you know I can not tolerate the Durva, and I have many health issues that were caused by it. I am hanging in there. Not having any treatment while there is still a trace [ so they say } of cancer, is very unsettling to say the least. I have 2 daughter in laws that don't even bother to say, " how are you?" and one that says " you are a rock!" she graduates to be a nurse in May. I am not a rock, I am a human being with an emotional side that would love to have some support from family members. I won't say it because then it would be fake, so who needs that? Oh well, it is what it is. Does it bother me, Yes, for sure. Please help me to feel more positive while moving forward and please pray that the cancer hasn't spread that is the most I can hope for, because there are no alternative treatments for Durva, PET scan in March, that's it. Well enjoy today, and I hope that my remedy for itchy skin will help someone today! Love ya's.

[DFK]

Happy New Year Kate,

Good to hear from you and to get an update of where you're at. I can truly appreciate your concerns of no treatment with still a "trace" of cancer, however, chemo/radiation has been a good standard of care for years before Durvalumab or targeted therapy came along. My girlfriends dad is 7 years NED after receiving only the chemo and radiation combo, Stage 3b inoperable. He is an inspiration for hope and prayers. 

Although it's nice to have family and friends inquire about our health and show initiative to assist in some of our needs, whether physical or emotional, sometimes the harsh reality is that not everyone can be empathetic or feel comfortable talking about the big "C". It appears that having a cancer diagnosis not only asks of us to deal with all the medical treatments and all that that entails but it also asks that we dig deep within to find our own core of strength to help us through the dark nights of the soul. This is especially true for those of us who may not have a primary caregiver and partner/spouse. 

I find it difficult NOT to get philosophical about our journey with cancer, about setting our priorities and values in order and making my life meaningful.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care, DFK

 

[Opal]

DFK- Thank you for sharing about your friend's dad 7 years NED. Always uplifting to hear good stuff and give us hope. Miracles happen every day too.

Opal

[Curt]

@Kate7617 my father battled cancer and now I have.   I’ve told this story here before.  When my dad was sick I was always trying to be strong around him.  I didn’t want him to know I was upset so it wouldn’t upset him.  I thought that was helping him.  I’d hold it all in until I left his house or hospital room and then fall apart.  Eventually I fell apart in front of him and he was genuinely surprised.  He told me that he didn’t think anyone was that upset.   I had to tell him that we were all devastated but wanted to be strong from him.  After that exchange I looked for ways to share my concern and hurt with him in ways that let him know I cared but didn’t put the burden of my devastation on him.   I’m sure I didn’t balance it well, but I did the best I can.   
 

Fast forward to my own diagnosis, what I have found is that after the explosion that comes from diagnosis and initial treatments is the world kind of returns to where it was.   People get back to their lives and the world keeps moving.   It was upsetting to see that while my world was still in such turmoil.   I’d ask myself how can everyone else’s world keep going while mine feels like it’s falling apart?  I still struggle with it sometimes.  Other times I appreciate the fact that the word is continuing for the people I care about and I remember that just because I didn’t show my dad how upset I was didn’t mean I wasn’t.  It just meant I was trying to maintain a sense of “normalcy” for his sake.  

[Steff]

Kate,

I am sorry you are feeling that you have no support from your family.  DFK and Curt have some really good points.  As a caregiver and very caring person, I have often found myself at a loss for words when dealing with my mom's cancer journey.  Some of it is due to being overwhelmed, other times it's from pure exhaustion.  The reality is that lots of folks don't deal with other people's pain/suffering/negative feelings/etc very well.  Perhaps your daughter-in-laws are included in this group.  But no matter how supportive or unsupportive a person is, those of us on the "outside" of lung cancer have a hard time figuring out the best way to help.  Most of us need to be told what to do and how to help.  Have you done that? Have you been specific in telling people what your needs are?  While with your family, are you acting like all is okay even though it might not be? If so, your family might be taking this cue from you and acting as if all is okay too.  Asking for help or telling your daughter-in-laws what you need from them does not mean they will be "fake" if/when they change their behavior.  Perhaps all they needed was to be told what their role is in your battle.  

I hope you are able to get the support you want from somewhere, whether it is from your family, friends, a support group, or here.  

Take Care,

Steff

[Kate7617]

Thank you very much for caring and for the positive feedback, truly lifted my spirits!  I'm hanging in there, and doing what is necessary to  live.  Going to Dermatologist  today, skin issues caused by the durva. Working on getting that cleared up. Then on to the endocrinologist also caused by durva, now on meds and have a nodule, scheduled ultrasound and follow up with Doc. Then cardiologist caused by radiation, abnormal EKG, so now stress and echo test, please pray for me. I am now an official "Doctor Hopper" lol, I am glad that these things were found out, and can be taken care of.  Some people really just don't care, and it is in my own family. I am leaning on the Lord Jesus to get me through the rough patches, footprints in the sand! Thanks again and all of you are  in my prayers, as we fight cancer and all its after effects. Stay strong!