New Here

[angelb]

Hello... I guess its about time to stop lurking and finally let it be known that I am here, being a lurker makes me feel like a peepiing tom. javascript:emoticon(':oops:') Anyways the reason I am here, is because I found out the week before Easter, that my step-dad - whom I have known and has been in my life since I was 7 (I am 31 now), anyhow, he was dx with stage IV adenocarcinoma of the lung with mets to the brain and bones. He has already had radiation to his head - his last blast was 4/26. My mom tells me that he is irratabke and has already lost all his hair. He has been retired for a few years, and then they moved to GA for my mom's career. So I live in VA and they live in GA. He is going to start a trial drug to see if that will extend the prognosis or possibly go into remission.. He is going to start on a drug named "CT-2103, Carboplatin for the First Line Treatment of Patients with Advanced Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer". It most likely will be mixed with Taxol. I just hope and pray that something good will come out of this for him. He has a GREAT attitude about this whole thing, so I believe that when it is his time, it will be a smooth ride. My mom, on the other hand is having serious problems accepting this. Just when they atarted making plans for after her retirement, and likely he wont be here. I am very worried about her. I am an only child. I have two girls, Jillian, age 2 in June and Alyson age 7 this coming August, and of course they mean the WORLD to them. I feel like I need to be there, but my mom is telling me not to come, that its too overwhelming right now.. So I am heeding her wishes while his children and friends are showing up almost every weekend. I really think of him as much as a father as my own father. My heart aches every day for both of them, becuase of the long battle ahead. Anyways, that is my story. I am so glad I have found all of you, it gives me a new hope that maybe, just maybe he will stabalize or go into remisson and have another couple of years.. Without any treatment, the doctors estimated / made a guess that he had between 2 and 5 months left...And all of this started becuase of a headache! I hate this disease.

Ang

[Snowflake]

First, Angel, welcome.

Have you talked to your father, or are you just heeding your mother's wishes? You did state your mother is having troubles dealing with all this, how IS your father doing? Have you talked to him directly? Would he like to see his friends and family?

If your FATHER would like to be reunited with friends and family, you may think about NOT heeding your mother. Sometimes, a "reason" to get up and get dressed in the morning is a GOOD thing - having time to lie around and THINK, THINK, THINK about cancer and the numbers is a bad thing! No, I'm NOT saying instill a sense of denial in your parents, just sharing with you the fact that when life "quiets down", like when you're trying to go to sleep, is when the little voice inside turns up - the one that used to eat at your self-esteem when you were growing up...the one that feeds the doubts and gives life to the disease like the lighting on a monster in a horror flick. Since the numbers come out after dark, don't let 'em continue for him all day long. Break up the monotony, the chances The Voice has to tear him down need to be few and far between.

Yes, he needs to deal with the fact that he has a serious diagnosis, but he does NOT need to deal with it 24/7 and diversions help - as do serious drugs. I only do serious drugs - Xanax, Ambien...CHOCOLATE

I would not make it a point to avoid dear dad, pay attention to the wake up call, you've been reminded that your dad (nor anyone) will not live forever. Take advantage of that before hitting the snooze button, one day, it WILL be too late. Dad could live for many years, don't assume he's going to die, but LIVE and LOVE as if he'll be gone tomorrow and you'll have no regrets.

Take care,

Becky

[mhutch1366]

Angel,

Becky has a good point. Talk to your dad directly, and find out what he wants. The one good thing about this disease as opposed to, say, getting hit by a beer truck, is that we have an opportunity to tell those we love how much we love them.

I have never heard so well described the devil nipping at your heels the way Becky has described it here. She has indeed caught the essence of the beast.

Miracles do happen every day. I knew a guy with stage 4, and after a taxol,something, plus irradiation, and exhausting all treatment possibilities, he went for a consult with my surgeon -- where to everyone's delight Doug was found with No Evidence of Disease - NED.

You sound like you need to see your dad, so go ahead and call and see what you can do. It may be too that your mom is overwhelmed by his kids and their kids flooding her house when she is feeling already rather overwhelmed.

I hope your dad has every success in fighting this beast. It's hard on everyone. Cancer doesn't strike a person, it truly strikes a family.

Prayers, always,

XOXOX

MaryAnn

[MO_Sugar]

Welcome to THIS family! I am sorry you have the need to be here but glad you found us. First off, throw the statistics OUT the window cause they don't mean cra*. As long as your step Dad is breathing there is HOPE! New drugs come out, new treatments, clinical trials, there are many different options out there. If you want to go see him.....GO. I have found that this is the time to do the things you may have put off in the past. Live each day like it is the last and LOVE those around you like you will never see them again! No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

Prayers for strength and healing being sent your way!

God Bless,

MO

[Fay A.]

Welcome...

talk to your Dad and ask him what he wants. But also, he may be under docs orders not to be around young children if he is in active treatment. As much as we love the little critters they are also little "germ factories", and our immune systems are not much good during active treatment. So double check to insure that isn't the real reason behind your Mom's not wanting you and yours to visit.

[Andrea]

Angel,

I hate that you had to find us I am in a similar situation as you, I am 31 and an only child.

First, has your dad seen a second dr for another opinion? It is really amazing what different drs can do, I have seen it first hand. The first dr told my mom she was not going to have any chance at all, and now she is fighting and we have hope and a chance.

Second, I know it is soooooooo hard as an only child and your mom suonds just like my mom. I live 20 minutes away and she hardly wants me over there, it is like they don't want to burden us and they want us to be happy. Of course, we will probably be the same way with our kids. One idea if you want to go down is to say that you really want to be there for the next oncologist visit to ask your own questions. This way you get down there, and see first hand how they are. Hopefully you wll be pleasantly surprised that things are not as out of control as you thought.

I honestly did wierd stuff at diagnosis--I shopped for hospital beds thinking my mom would not make it up the stairs, I called private ambulances to have them on call, I had no clue. THank g-d it was not that bad and chemo was ok. I think that ifyou go down for an oncologist appt, you can get more answers and see for yourself.

If you ever want to talk to someone from the prespective of an only child, I am around and Natalie who just lost her dear mmo is an only child.

[jamie]

Angel,

Just want to say welcome, so sorry about your step-dad. I agree with everyone about talking directly to your Dad to see how he really feels. I hope that you will keep us posted... Best of Luck

Jamie

[angelb]

I just want to thank everyone for your suggestions and thoughts. Everyone here is so kind and supportive. Well, I did speak with my mom last night about my step dad and his condition, turn out she was fronting for him, he is the one who doesnt want to see anyone yet, but now it looks like we, the family will have to override his wish because the turn of events is gettign very ugly. He was supposed to start chemo yesterday - well after the tests that they ran to determine if he was physically able to get it, it was found that it has also spread to his liver and colon. Therefore, he is unable to get chemo. I don't know what other options there are left or even if the options available would give him any quality of life. I think now it really is just a matter of time. This is just getting worse and worse day by day. Yesterday I went to the bathroom and started to cry for no apparent reason, Well I asked my mom what time it was that they found out the news about his liver/colon and it was the same time they found out - I think I am connected to this in a mental kind of way. I think now it really is just a matter of time. He is still getting around the house well enough, but he is visibly getting slower and slower. He has already lost over 40 pounds and he didnt have much padding to begin with. He is also very irritable from the radiation. He is having real issues with accepting this, and from what I have been told he is not been very forthcoming with his kids. I am looking into and doing the legwork for hospice in their area so my mom doesnt have to. I am afraid to ask her if they have discussed funeral arrangements. They did go to a lawyer and financial advisor so at least the heeded my advise on that. The only advise I gave her last night was the fact that she shoudn't hold anything against him, and not to fight over the small stuff, becuase she would be faced with that guilt later down the line when she will be alone. I dont want to give any other advise, who am I? I am not the one experiencing this and I hope I will never have to experience this forst hand, so I am definalty not qualified to give her any advise. I just want her to follow her heart and get peace one way or another. AT this point I am not sure who I am more worried about him or her. I just want to thank all of you for welcoming me here to just get it out as my beloved husband doesnt know how to handle me at this point.