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July


Kris

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This is the month that I have been dreading. Actually since last July. My Dad's birthday is July 20th....my birthday is July 22. For as long as I can remember, we had a special "date" night. The 21st. That night we always went to dinner together and celebrated our birthdays. Just the two of us. One year he would pick the place and surprise me....the next year I would pick the place and surprise him. Last July he was pretty sick. It was his turn to pick and he got up enough energy to get all "dudded" up and take me some place really close to home. He was quite proud of himself for faking me out and having me think we would be traveling for a while. I can remember sitting there hoping this would not be our last chance to do this. And it was. I just don't want these three days to come. And they will.

Kris

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I am sorry for your loss but happy you have so many good memories. If it were me, I would keep that date. I would go next to a lake or on a mountain top or somewhere very peaceful and close to nature, take something to eat, something special to him or to you, ice cream, cheese, spaghetti, just a token amount. If you have a driver who would wait by the car, take some wine ... In the quiet and the dark talk it over and do something symbolic, a toast or a poem or whatever, have a good cry if that is what comes. You and he can have that date.

Best wishes, Margaret

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Guest bean_si (Not Active)

Kris, What a wonderful picture you have painted. I can see your dad as a kind, loving and courageous man.

I'm sending you many prayers to help you over this difficult time.

Cat

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Kris,

I know it will be difficult for you. I don't have any advise for you because I am feeling very much the same way. I didn't want July to come either and I really don't want to deal with the first week in August but we have to somehow.

Do what feels right for you.

Hugs,

Shirelyb

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Kris,

Maybe finding a way to do something in his memory that you will see daily would help. For example, if you were to plant a tree in memory of your father on July 21 in your front yard, you would be able to look up at the tree in years to come, daily on your way to work or on the way from the car to the house and have a memory of what you did that first year to get through the grief...

At my house, special "people" get trees. Every family dog ever buried has a tree, commemorative trees are planted on birthdays of those family members we have lost - BUT, the "yard" is about 3 1/2 acres on a 40 acre parcel...

Wishing you peace,

Becky

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I started feeling sorry for myself as soon as I saw the date yesterday. Right away I posted here hoping to take some of your ideas, suggestions and support with me through these next few weeks, as I near this date. Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. It really means a lot.

Thanks,

Kris

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Kris,

After taking a minute to think about this I have decided this is a good thing. What a great event you and your dad shared all those years. It is something that a few more years down the line you will want to share with someone else because of the fond memories one gets from this.

I hope you have a big toast to your father that day and he will be toasting you back.. I do believe that.....not in body but in spirit....

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Guest HerSon

The fact that you miss him so much only shows how much you loved him. When my moms birthday came up I made a card for her like I always did and put it on the table, and on it I wrote "happy birthday mom in heaven". Amazingly enough only a few weeks later I found the last birthday card that she had made for me! I think it was her way of telling me "I'm still with you son".

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Kris,

My family has all done as Snowflake mentioned and planted a tree in each ones yard in memory of Alan. We planted his favorite tree which was a red maple. I am having an engraved plaque made in his memory to put on the tree. I am hoping you can find something real special when you go through all your memories of him and do something appropriate that will make you feel better.

God Bless You,

Jane

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Kris,

I like what Norme said to you. You know, some people have lost their parents or loved ones and don't have any particular memory or time shared that they can cherish as much as you cherish this special time that you and your dad had together. My dad died just 9 days ago. One of the men at my office sent me an email that expressed their most sincere sympathy, but also told me that both his parents had died when he was 7 and 9, and he doesn't have many memories, but wishes that he did.

If the tears need to come at the time for you, then let them fly. It will be ok.

Love,

Peggy

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