anybody have this dilema?

[Andrea]

Sometimes it is hard to know so much.

I have a friend who is 32 who has been coughing for ovre a month and keeps getting meds for her cough. I asked her husband if the dr did a chest xray to rule out pnemonia. He said "i don't think so" and they are so nonchalant about it.

My little inner head is like "hmm, she could have lung cancer". Yet i cannot really express that to her or her husband b/c they would think I was nuts and probably get mad at me. So I keep my thoughts to myself. I got her to go to the dr, but after that, not much I can do. I am sure it is just allergies or whatever, but these days you never know.

It is really frustrating and almost a hard line to draw when to decide who to "nag" and "push" to go to the dr and who not to.

[john]

Unfortunately, most doctors would look at her age and not even think of lung cancer. Granted, it *probably* isnt but the cost of an x-ray/ct scan now vs later is huge

[jamie]

I say push her for a chest x-ray, but maybe dont bring up LC. Make your concern puenemonia. Wouldnt you feel better if she had it checked???

Jamie

[Guest]

I agree. I am all for diagnostic tests. Push for x-ray for pneumonia. There are so many causes of cough, but to get that x-ray would rule out so many that it is worth it. And, of course, should there be anything at all abnormal, well you have done her a great favor.

Tricia

[Remembering Dave]

I agree, suggest a doctor visit and asking for an x-ray. Although I will add this: I had a terrible cough, coughed all the time, it was awful, I mean during Dave's treatment, befoe that, it went on for months if not years. finally figured it out - my allergies had gotten so bad that I had that drainage thing going on all the time. I saw the allergy doc and got started on allergy shots this spring - no more coughing!

Karen

[Andrea]

Thanks. I suggested that she get a chest xray b/c it could be walking pnemonia. I don't feel it is my place to push. I do push some people, but that is a select group. I try not to be too annoying

I think that everything just changes when we have all of this knowledge

[brm1949]

We who are experiencing this dreadful disease should not care what others feel about our concerns for them if we suspect they may be showing symtoms, as with us we are talking about life itself. If it should turn out to be just a cold, great we catch a little grief from them, if however it is cancer, we may save their lives if caught early. I no longer care what people think when it comes to this disease. I know for sure if caught early enough it can be treated. Sorry for being so blunt but this disease deserves no chance to develope in those we care about by worrying about what they will think of us. As we all know it takes no prisnors.

[stand4hope]

I would leave it alone, Andrea. I think your question to her husband was perfect:

I asked her husband if the dr did a chest xray to rule out pnemonia.

After that question, and assuming they know that your mom has lung cancer, they know what they should do. Any further questioning or commenting from you would probably be met defensively and could even damage your friendship.

Similar situation: A good friend of mine had a tiny melanoma on her leg. It was a very frightening thing for her and for me as her friend. Fortunately, it was in the minimal depth range to be considered nearly 100% contained when they removed it. However, because even a tiny little melanoma can be dangerous, just like our lc patients, she has to get lung scans every 3 mos. and be examined, then 6 mos., then every year, etc. She was also told she should NEVER let her skin be exposed to the sun again without adequate protection because she was high risk.

Anyway, both of my sisters are fair-skinned redheads. One of them has been paranoid about always trying to get a tan since she was a teenager. She's 54 years old now and still, continually, goes to tanning beds, lays in the sun, etc. She doesn't get much tan, but she turns in to one big freckle, so she looks tanned. I told her recently about my friend with the melanoma, and that she was even more high risk because of her fair skin. She didn't appreciate it at all, and in fact, just ignored my comment; and she continues to bake in the sun.

People KNOW about these things, lung cancer risks, smoking risks, sunbathing risks, overreating risks, and also that a cough could be serious, but I don't think most of them appreciate others giving them advice about what they should or shouldn't do. I know I don't.

If you don't care about affecting your friendship, you could push her to get a chest ct or x-ray, but I doubt that will cause her to get it done. It could also keep her from telling you about other things in the future that are going on in her life.

Just my two cents, sweetie. I wrote this big, long thing because I know how upset you get about these things and you are probably laying awake at night worrying about your friend. Let your heart be your guide.

Love,

Peggy

[Snowflake]

Andrea,

Your friend, at 32, is in a growing group of people that are getting LC - I think you SHOULD mention LC to her, bring up my name if you would like. It was a chest x-ray for possible TB/pneumonia that found MY little critter...

She should broach this with her doctor, it's not "common" knowledge, but there are articles in cancer magazines that talk about lung cancer and the number of young women getting it...in fact, I think there are some links to them on this site...

(Sorry, Peggy...the link between sun worshipping and skin cancer IS a "given", but the idea of a non-smoking young women getting lung cancer isn't entertained...yet here I am...with Heather and others...)

xxoo,

Becky

[Andrea]

Thanks everyone! Her husband knows me very well, we were close frirends long before he started dating his new wife. He knows exactly what I mean and why I want it checked. I talk about lung cancer all the time and this website. And also Snowflake--they know about you. I had told t hem the story of how young you are and how there are so many young people on this website. So they had the full picture in their head.

I will check to see how she is feeling in a bit. There is just a fine line I have to be careful with crossing with certain people. There are so many facets to this disease . Bahumbug

[Hebbie]

Andrea,

I agree that this is a difficult place to be in.....you don't want to overstep your bounds and p*ss off a friend who thinks you relate EVERYTHING to cancer and you are paranoid, but you also know that the risk is real and you aren't paranoid and want to protect them.....

My sister in law (through marriage) is also a co-worker of mine (she set my husband and I up on our first blind date!!) and she NEVER takes care of herself. She is in her early 40's, smokes like a chimney, lives on Dunkin' Donuts coffee and cinnamin buns for breakfast, a soft pretzel or cookies for lunch and usually skips dinner. She has blown off her mamogram for the past 4 years and last year during her regular gyno appt., he told her that her "breathing patterns had changed since her last visit" and to quit smoking and GAIN 10-15 pounds because she is so thin (from not eating). She also bakes at the tanning salon weekly.

She saw on a daily basis what I went through with treatment and told me that she was quiting smoking.....but never did. She told me she would get a chest x-ray.....but never did.

Last time I brought it up, she brushed me off and said that cancer runs in her family and it's not a matter of "if", it's a matter of "when" and "what".

I found that so unbelievably distasteful and insensitive to say to someone with cancer, that I decided I was DONE. I can't MAKE her care about herself. Not even for her kids. But I take comfort in knowing that I tried. That's really all we can do!