Ann

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy". Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely **** my pants."

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?" The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want." So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one." Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together." Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

A husband walks up to his wife, grabs her butt and says, 'Honey, if you firmed this more you wouldn't have to wear those granny panties anymore.' A littler perturbed at this, the woman lets it go and goes about her day. The next day the husband walks up and grabs his wife's breasts, saying 'Honey, if you firmed these up more you wouldn't have to wear those push up bras', and walks away chuckling at himself. Ok, she thought, once was ok, twice... no. She walks up to her husband, grabs his junk, and says 'Honey, you know, if you firm this up more often we wouldn't need the gardner, the poolboy, your brother...."

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space". 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN

Thank you Teacake....Couldn't have said that all any better myself. Now Cindi...got the idea????

I remember getting penny candy in a paper bag at the little mom and pop grocery store.

It was fun being a baby boomer ... until now. Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate again baby boomers. They include: 1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker. 2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip. 3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash. 4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends. 5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face. 6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now. 7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver. 8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom. 9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts. 10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair. 11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping. 12. TheTemptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone. 13. Abba--- Denture Queen. 14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall. 15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore. 16. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again 17. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To

OK...let's keep our minds busy and play a new game. Each of us will post something that we remember that isn't around anymore or has changed. I'll start.... Remember when giving birth to a baby was a three day hospital stay? Now it's like visiting a drive thru for fast food. In fact, it's taken me longer to get fast food at times.

Amie-Girl.....you rock!!! That's what I absolutely love about you. We never know when and where you'll pop up but we are certain that you will!!! This is great! Please remind us a couple of days before the show. When you get to be my age...the mind loses information rapidly!!!

Frank...good one. I rate this a 3 donut joke!

Becky...this one will be hanging in my office...lol!

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a good one! Dennis would have loved this. His very favorite were fart jokes!!!! I hope hears this one!!!

Yep..Geri. I agree with Cindi. Wouldn't you kust love to hear this on the news?

So cute, eppie!!! You always manage to out do yourself! Love the cuddly little bunny. When I was growing up in Tennessee, I used to see these very little guys all the time. When we would be baling hay, these little guys would come out of the fields. I've raised a couple in my life.

I'm with you Jamie. Better never get this gift!

Hey Cindi....just let me know which ones you need to know about and I can fill you in!!!

Being a southern gal from Tennessee, I can relate to all of these. Tina and Charlie should be right in here with me on this one...lol Southernisms 1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them. 2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess." 3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." 4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly." 5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table. 6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. 7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!) 8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. 9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. 12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless. 13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody! 14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. 15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." 16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. 18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! 19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. 20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

Honestly, I always had a difficult time talking to people that had cancer. I felt uncomfortable and I thought it made them equally uncomfortable. As a caregiver, it always helped me to talk. I don't think Dennis was ever very comfortable talking to people about his cancer. He even seemed to have a hard time talking to family members. Now, I feel very at ease talking to family members and caregivers about cancer but still worry a bit about talking to the patient.

Kasey...thanks so much for reminding us of Addie's response to that question. It made me smile.

Good thinking, Fay. I think I'll used the term "ended his battle" from now on when talking about Dennis. Thanks so much for pointing this out to me.

Fay, prayers were said for you at my church yesterday.

I feel so blessed to have known this beautiful lady. Heaven is a better place with this angel in its realm.

Before cancer became a part of your life, were you comfortable talking to people that had cancer?

This is a very good post, Lil. I think we are all more aware of the staggering number of lives that cancer affects after our own lives are touched by it. For years, I have read about cancer and known people that have had cancer. But...I guess I always had the thinking "it always strikes somewhere else." So many people think this way today. Now that the monster has reared its ugly head in my threshold, my eyes are really opened. Like you, it seems that everyone I know either is a patient themselves or has a family member battling cancer. Like Becky, I believe people have always been battling this disease but just didn't always know what it was. I can remember when an older lady that lived down the road from us was diagnosed with cancer. Most people in my little neighborhood thought this a "rarity." As for Larry's discussion about a cure, I think you all know my opinion regarding this. I formed my opinion after listening to Dennis talk about this in the months prior to his death. He was a firm believer that our government holds way too many deep, dark secrets and believed the key to a cure was one of them. He felt a cure for cancer would cripple our economy. True or false??? I hope he was wrong.

Pat, thank you so very much for all of the support you provide to this group. Even when your dear Brian was very ill, you still managed to give caring support to others on the board. You are so loved and appreciated!