Ann

Way to go Curtis!!!! I'm pulling for you...and Katie!!!!!

You have no idea how very glad I am to hear from you!!! I have thought about you so very much and have wondered how you are doing. As for me, it's been 19 long months now. Some days are good and some days are very bad...and long...and lonely! Thank God I have my LC family to help me on those bad days ! I have said so many prayers for you! I hope things will continue to improve for you and that you will find peace and happiness in time!!! Please stay in touch with us!!!

So very sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.

Ginny, I am so very sorry to hear of your friend's passing. I am so proud of you and the strength you are exhibiting during this oh-so-tough time. A prayer is going up for better times ahead...for all of us that have lost a loved one!!!!

Cathy, I am so sorry to be late with this post. I have always been so touched by the strong love yu have always shown for your father. The closeness the two of you shared is so very obvious from your heartfelt posts during his illness. I know you miss him terribly and my heart truly reaches out to you. Anniversaries are always tough!!! Be strong and hang in there, as your dad would have wanted you to do! I always love that phrase..."Cowboy Up." I have always admired and respected you so very much!!!

So sorry to hear of the passing of your friend's mother. I'm glad she was able to read some posts from our wonderful group. I will remember her family in my prayers.

Denise, I am keeping you and your family in my prayers!!!!

Kim, I hope things are OK. I think calling the doctor was the right move. During Dennis's treatment, I know the one thing that was constantly drilled into us was "Drink Plenty of Fluids." I was like a mother hen, constantly walking around with a bottle of Gatorade in hand. I'm sending up an extra prayer for you and your mom!!!

79 is good! Here in Florida, I keep my thermostat set on either 78 or 79 all the time. I guess after living in Florida for a while anything seems cool!!! Anyway, glad to hear your comfort level is returning!!!

We miss you Dave!!! Feel better and hurry back to us!!!

Keeping your friend in my prayers, Elaine!!! And..thanks to you for being such a good friend and keeping us on our toes!!!!

Joni, once again your feelings and fears are normal. I don't believe I have soundly slept one single night since Dennis died, other than the few nights I have caved in and taken an Ambien. I used to feel so secure...in every way. Now, I feel like this completely vulernable person that is just waiting to be preyed upon!!!

Thoughts and prayers for both of you!!!!

Glad to see you back, Jane. I really mssed your posts! So glad to hear you had a chance to clear your head and get a new prospective on some things!

Welcome Claire. So very nice to finally meet you. I have enjoyed reading many posts from your wonderful daughter!!!

Abby, I hope you managed to have a nice birthday. I'm so sorry this post is late! I know just how you feel. It seems as if our spouses are the ones that really make special days "special." Sure, children acknowledge our birthdays and do their best to make them special but it's definitely not the same as having a loving spouse to share special days with. I'm just to the point that I'd just rather not acknowledge my birthday and I really dread seeing holidays roll around. Neither of my sons has children yet but I am hoping that maybe when they do holidays will be better. I hear that there is absolutely nothing like grandchildren to light up our hearts! I so wish there was something more I could say to you...something that would soothe your heart and make everything better! If you hear of any such magic...please pass some my way!!! In the meantime, I'm sending ((((((((((((((((Abby))))))))))))))))))))) your way!!!!

Welcome back Jane. Thanks so much for bringing us up to speed. I can't believe all you have been through! Like others, I am so impressed with your upbeat mood! I know some people that are perfectly healthy and run around in crappy moods most of the time! They should meet you and see what life is all about!!!!

Thank you friends for all the kind words. I don't quite understand why, but making that trip made such a difference. I seem more prepared to move ahead with life again. Thanks for all your advice and support!!!

Tina, please don't ever think of this as "whining." Stand back and see what you are going through and I'm sure you will realize you are not "whining." I know exactly how you feel and it is normal. We all have had and do have those same thoughts. I'm no advice expert, but I can tell you to just take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Just imagine all of your problems going right out of your mind with that breath. I used to do that several times a day and believe it or not, sometimes it helped a little. Like others have said....live for the moment. Most of our lives, we live for the future. We talk about what we will do next year, next week, tommorrow...even talk about retirement. Just throw all that right out the window and live for right now...today! Tina....Tennessee gals are really tough!!! Keeping you and your family in my prayers!

Oh my gosh!!! These could have been Dennis's very own words!!!! Thanks so very much for posting this! No offense taken here!

This may be a long, painful post so please bear with me. Yesterday, I finally took a trip that proved to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. As many of you know, Dennis and I traveled about an hour and a half each way for his treatment. We had complete faith in the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Orlando and his wonderful oncologist, Dr. Omar Kayaleh. Although many times, Dennis made the journey in terrible pain, he never complained. Upon arrival, we knew there were "friends" awaiting to care for Dennis. As Dennis was a participant in a clinical trial, we were assigned a clinical nurse that we saw on each and every visit. Trudy Graves became a friend, a true angel in disguise. Well, the last day we were there for treatment, we always thought we would be back for more treatment but that didn't happen, as Dennis slipped very quickly. During Dennis's illness, he received treatment in a small building, as construction was underway at the time for the new facility. Being in the building profession, Dennis would comment each visit on the progress made on the new facility. In my heart, I always prayed he would live long enough to see completion. Unfortunately, he missed seeing the new building completed by about two months. In my heart, I knew I would someday have to make that trip back and see the new facility...for Dennis. Well, yesterday I made that long trip alone. I took the same route we always took together, even filled up the gas tank at the same station. When I pulled up in front of the beautiful new building, I thought my heart would literally pop out of my chest! Rather than entering the easy way, I chose to walk up four flights of steps and enter from about the fourth floor. I just don't know when I have cried as hard as I did while going up those steps. I entered and went down the elevator to the first floor, hoping to find a directory. I went to the receptionists desk and asked if Trudy Graves was in. They phoned her and she came to the lobby...arms open to me. Unfortunately, Dr. Kayaleh was on vacation but I will go back to see him. Trudy gave me a wonderful tour of the new center and it is truly beautiful and amazing!!! She spent an hour and a half with me....just reminissing and both of us talking about Dennis. My Dennis was quite a character and he had a wonderful way of "weaving" himself right into the hearts of everyone that new him. Trudy told me that Dennis justs "pops" into her mind very often and that she and Dr. Kayaleh talk about Dennis and admire his strength. I shared stories with Trudy about Dennis's last days. We both cried! When I left, I somehow felt whole and felt like an additional level of closure had been put on my dear husband's death. I went home again...to people that were so kind and caring during the very worst days of my life. Oh...I told Trudy all about our group and what a wonderful circle of friends we have here. She asked if she could pass our web address along, as we sounded like such a strong support source. Of course...I replied..."Yes." Thanks for bearing with me on this long post!!!! My heart feels so much "lighter" this morning.

Pam, I am so saddened to hear of your father's passing. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers and that we are always here for you!!!

Ginny, my heart is breaking both with and for you!

So beautifully said, Shirley!! Those waves have really been tossing me about lately and there have been times that the shoreline has been out of sight! There seems to always be a line there that i can catch on to and pull my self in from the raging waters! What on earth would we do if we didn't have each other? Thank God for all of you and the help we have all given to each other!

Praying that the new treatment will be successful!!!!