Ann

So, so sorry for your loss. P)lease let us know if there is anything we can do to help you through this.

Hey Vero Beach...Stuart...and Hollywood....maybe we should all get together soon and have a LCSC visit. That would be really nice!!! Dear sweet Katie....I wanted to dream of Dennis for so many nights before it ever happened. I had almost given up. A dear friend of mine used to tell me that Dennis would come to me in dreams when he thought I was healed enough to handle the visits. At the time, I thought she was nuts..but no longer. Maybe your Dad is waiting until he knows you and your Mom are ready!!! But...like Lillian said...keep asking him to come!!! I assure you, dreams are yet to come your way!!!!

This is just so beautiful, Shirley! I know we have all been using that sandpaper a lot lately. This was such a nice way to expalin what so many of us are feeling. You know, after I got past the one year mark the sandpaper is working much better for me!!!!

Since Dennis' death, I have so often prayed before going to sleep at night , that I would dream of Dennis. I felt this would give me a chance to see him and even interact with him...just one more time. Pray as hard as I could, I just could not seem to dream about him in the beginning. Then, finally there was one dream...at least I think I was sleeping. Then, later a second dream! This one was wonderful, as we were actually conversing with each other! Then, there were no more. It was as if there was never to be another dream. Then...last night!!! What a joy! It was just like old times. We talked, we laughed. I asked him how it was that he was back and he explained that he was always coming back but it just took a while to make it here. I woke up with a smile on my face! I hope some of you have had the same experience and can relate to what I am speaking of. Isn't it amazing how something as simple as a dream can rekindle such feeling and bring back so many memories? When Dennis was fighting this monster, I prayed to God for a miracle. Now, once again tonight, I will merely pray for a dream!!!

Natalie...so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. Hope it helps to know that so many of us are keeping you in our prayers.

Dennis was so into his rock and blues during treatment. He took his music with him to treatment and was really loud sometimes, much to the annoyment of others. He used the movie Patton as his visualization therapy. There was one big scene, when preparing for battle, that Patton gave this really big "go get 'em" type of speech! This was Dennis's big motivational thing during treatment. when he would feel down or a new procedure was about to begin, out would come that movie. You have no idea how it hurts now when I glance over and see that movie on the rack! But...it was a great mind motivator for Dennis!!!!!

I am just so sorry to see you in all of this pain. I can only imagine how lost and alone you are feeling right now! I cannot, even in my wildest imagination, imagine going through this twice in a row. I have very little advice to give that would be of any real help right now. All I can say is don't keep anything locked in and from your post, it would appear that you are doing well with that! Scream, rant and rave all you want...we are all here to listen and help in any way we can! I can tell you that I will keep you and your Dad at the top of my prayer list! I know that we can't question God but Shelly, I have to say this is really unfair for you! Please know that I am continually here for you. I'm a pretty good listener and that's what you need right now!!! Fire away....ready to help!!!

Gay...so glad you had a wonderful birthday! I'm also very happy about the news of Dean's new scooter! I know that will make things so very much easier for both of you. I am so glad you posted here on the board. As you already know, I am always just a few computer keys or a phone call away. I haven't learned all there is to know about surviving what this damned disease can throw our way but I'm well on my way! As I told you before, I'll be happy and proud to help you through this maze in every way I can. After hearing your voice, I can tell that you're a really strong and vibrant person. I so envy the patience you have in working with alzheimer patients. The ability to do that work and love every minute, as you did, takes one very special person! Please, Gay, continue your posts. I'm sure that there are often times we can use your professional opinion to help us get in touch with our thoughts and feelings! I'm so happy you're here with us!!!!!

So glad you are felling much better, Shirley. It's so funny how our ups and downs can change from day to day, often with no apparent reason. You, too, are a very talented lady who has written some very strong and powerful words that have meant so much to me. Of all the things I remember about your writings is about just wishing for peace. I now find myself saying that in so many situations, If we can find peace within ourselves then life is good. I think I am now on my way to finding that peace. I am now accepting that I cannot change things but can only strive to make them better. I also learned from you that I have the ability to make or break a day by the way I think and feel. Remember...I have choices at the beginning of each day! I have really been trying to have only good days. Sometimes that has been very hard but I am striving! I am trying to keep myself very busy with things I enjoy. I started on a diet to take off a few pounds I put back on recently. Today, I got out and walked for a mile after work. I found this did more for me than burn calories...it really helped to clear the cobwebs from my head. All of us that have lost a spouse have had our lives entirely altered. I know that it sounds harsh to actually be able to say "I'm alright and I will have a good day today". I guess that was hard for me to say, as I realized that Dennis could not have a good day. There are so many people on this board that have helped me to change the way I feel about life in general. Shirley, you are definitely one of those people. I admire your wisdom and your ability to help others when you are in such pain yourself. I also admire Lilliam for the strength she has shown. To move away from home, friends and family and start a new life is a very courageous step! Let's just all stick together here and help each other along. I think we should all make a pact that we will wake in the morning and make a choice to have to have a really good day....just because our spouses and partners would have wanted it that way and because we are SURVIVORS!!!!!

Lillian...you are not the only one here that has the feelings of "jealousy" and the question of why my loved one and not theirs! It's all a part of being human! Thank God you are still having all these feelings, as it's a sign you're normal and still in touch with reality!!! I wonder all the time why it was Dennis that died at such an early age. I see so many of our friends and although I would never wish them any harm, I have to wonder why they are healthy and happy and why Dennis is gone and I'm so sad! You're only experiencing what the rest of us that have lost a spouse have felt at sometime. Maybe some of us are not willing to admit having those feelings but I can pretty much guarantee you that they have felt the same way! As for Misty...think of how much companionship she has been to you for the past year and then imagine your life without her. I know from all the deep heart-to-heart conversations you and I have had that you want to hold on to everything about Johnny that you possibly can...and this would certainly include Misty. She needs you, just as you need her. Yes, she may have some bad habits you don't agree with but gal...get over it. We both know by know just how short life can be and that we get absolutely no where at all by sweating the little stuff in life. Before you came back into Johnny's life...she was all he really had that he could count on. Pick her up and give her a big hug and thanks for being such a good companion for so long to someone you loved so much! I know you pretty well by now and know what a big heart you have!!! Pass some of that love on to a little friend that is missing Johnny as much as you are!!! He was her life too! I think you need to do what I have done often in the past year and go outside and scream. I have close neighbors, so I usually do this in the car with the radio on and the windows up! You will be surprised how much better you will feel afterwards!!!

Join the crowd...think quite a few of us consider this our "lifeline" as here is one of the few places people have truly "been there and done that" when it comes top dealing with lung cancer! I, for one, am certainly glad there are so very many nice "addicted" people on this board!!!! Enjoy your snow day!!!

Norme, my prayers are certainly with you and Buddy! I pray that he will have more good days than bad. So glad you have Hospice there to help you. I don't know quite how I would have made it without them here for me! Keep in touch with us as you can.

Well, let me chime in and say that I also know how all of you are feeling! It's so hard to begin a new life and not take your old life with you. I find that I hold Dennis as a standard to others and they must meet those standards...which I must say is a very tall order! I am now dreading preparing my income tax return and checking that box beside WIDOW. It's so hard to see this in words and really remember that you fit into that category. While I was out yesterday I saw a man in the distance walking his dog. From afar, the man looked identical to my Dennis....same build, hair color...even the same type casusal clothing Dennis would have worn. Was I content to look from the distance and think about the comparison? Nope...I had to almost run to catch up with him and take a look at his face. I felt such disappointment when his face looked nothing like the face I had loved for 26 years! After that, I was so depressed. I do have good days now but there is and will always be that deep empty feeling. Our youngest son is now 25...the same age Dennis was when we met...and he looks almost identical to his Dad. This is very hard to deal with as seeing him brings back so many wonderful memories of such a long time ago. I pray that all posting here will find peace and that each day will be easier than the day before.

What an adorable site David. I think DeanCarl and his better half would also like this, being they are also cat lovers. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!!!!

Cathy, I think your Dad's birthday would be an excellent time for this. You know, we are such a family here that it's so nice to go there and "visit" the lost loved ones and to admire the wonderful tributes that have been given in their honor. I was so happy when I added my Dennis to the wall. I now feel like he's here with me when I use this forum. It's so nice when I'm having a bad day at work just to be able click on wall and there is my Dennis....very comforting in a strange sort of way! I sincerely hope you are finding peace and some happy times here and there. I know how very crushed you were by your father's death. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

I have a friend on Gemzar and she has quite frequent breathing problems but her oncologist has instructed her to call if there is any change whatsoever in her breathing habits. Based on this, I think you should at least call the doc!

Wow...I'm really impressed!!! Gotta be a real man to wear that fancy hat!!! Love it!!!!

Dennis had his port on the far upper left side of his chest and it was also under the skin. He had this done at the very beginning, right after diagnosis. I am so thankful it was there and saved him so much pain and discomfort. He never had any problems with the port and would even forget it was there. On somes day, when he was on a 5 day in a row routine they would leave the line in the port and just tape it up to his chest. Our kittens loved to sit on his lap and rest their heads on his chest. When the tube was left in they were really tempted to play! I would definitely speak with your doctor about that long length of time being NPO. Best of luck on Monday. I will keep you in my prayers!

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad. And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan created HMOs.

The Perks of Being Over 50 Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. No one expects you to run into a burning building. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. You can live without breakfast but not without glasses. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with elevator music. Your eyes won't get much worse. Your health plan is beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. You can't remember who sent you this list.

Yep...Born To Be Wild.....singing this as I type!!! I'm so excited for both you and Gay!!! Won't be anytime till you're ready to trade that thing in for a Harley....you show 'em true grit!!!!!

What wonderful news, Minnie. You're right...miracles do happen everyday! We just have to believe that they can happen! So glad to hear your mom is doing so very well. Your story will certainly give hope to many!

Beat those mets....and now I don't mean the ball team...LOL! Good luck and enjoy your beautiful scenic drive!

What gender is it? If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example. . . Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and often it's over inflated. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it . .. . and, of course, there's the hot air part. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on. Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. Remote Control -- Female . . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider that it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Lorne was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital. Anyway, there was this one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for our bath, or are we hungry?" Old Lorne had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Lorne had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So.....you know where the juice went. Well, the nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today....." At this, Old Lorne snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time." The nurse fainted..... Old Lorne just smiled......