Ann

The Rules of Chocolate If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. Money talks. Chocolate sings. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? Because no one wants to quit. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake. HAPPY EASTER !!!

The Night Before Easter 'Twas the night before Easter. All was calm and laid back. Fred, the mouse in the kitchen, snarfed down a late snack. The eggs were all dyed but still drippy and sticky... To be honest, they looked just a little bit icky. There were big jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and such, And as Fred stuffed his face, he sighed, "This is too much!" Phil and Rose were in bed watching late night TV, While munching saltines with low-sodium Brie. Then a sudden commotion rang out in the night. It shook Phil and Rose, really gave them a fright. Phil's hair stood on end, and his eyes bugged out big... Rose whipped off the covers and knocked off her wig. They lunged to the window, yanked open the blinds... What they saw was amazing; it boggled their minds: Across the night sky, with a noise like the dickens, Soared a minivan drawn by eight overgrown chickens! At the wheel sat a bunny - cute, fuzzy and fat - In designer blue jeans and a Panama hat. Like a speeding space shuttle, those chickens they flew, As the van driver called to each hen in his crew: "Now, Ashley! Now, Sheila! Now, Kelsey and Bo! On Bethany, Liza! On Daphne, on Flo!" The van made its landing lickety-split... Nearly wiped out the shrubs and the barbecue pit! Then up on the roof, much to Phil's consternation, They squawked of egg prices and space navigation. They made so much noise that Phil started to stammer, "If you guys don't shut up, we'll get thrown in the slammer!" Fuzzy hopped down the chimney, amidst all this racket, And emerged from the fireplace, adjusting his jacket. This bunny was chic, he had class, he had flair.. Not your average bozo, not your typical hare. His ears were enormous; his huge overbite Was right under a nose like a pink neon light. His manner was smooth, he was hip, he was cool; This floppy-eared bunny was no fuzzy fool. "While I'm here," he smiled, "Everybody relaxes ... I'm not selling storm windows, won't audit your taxes. I'm just here to bring you some fun and delight. Eat, drink, and be merry! Let's party tonight!" So they sipped diet soda and swapped silly jokes, Those birds and their bunny just being plain folks. Then flop-ears said, "Hey, friends, we've had quite a ball, But my chickens and I are now due in St. Paul!" He crossed both his eyes. Then he wiggled one ear, And he yelled to his chicken team, "We're outta here!" As the minivan rose in the 3 a.m. sky, He called out, "Later, Phil! And to you, Rose, good-bye!" As he sped out of sight, his two friends heard him say, "Happy Easter to all! Have a beautiful day!" Author Unknown

Saving the Easter Bunny ______________________________________ A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?" The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again! The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

Feeling safe. I really miss the feeling of being safe. When I was a child, we would stay out after dark and chase fireflys for hours. There was never anything to worry about. Life was good, people were good and kids were safe. I sometimes think that my grandbaby will never be able to play outside without her parents watching over, fearing someone might harm her.

I Learned from the Easter Bunny Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Walk softly and carry a big carrot. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears. There's no such thing as too much candy. All work and no play can make you a basket case. A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention. Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day. Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits. Some body parts should be floppy. Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans. The grass is always greener in someone else's basket. An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare. To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell. The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

What one thing would you like to stay the same from "the good old days"?

I just love how mama keeps an "eagle eye" while the babies sleep.

Jill, these birthdays can be really tough days for us to get through. Just try and focus on the happy memories and good times you and Joe had together. Also, remember that Joe would want you to be happy. I know, from moving on with someone myself, that these feelings of guilt can be really hard to deal with. Just remember that God blessed each of us with life. I think we need to remember that blessing and enjoy life to the fullest. Please PM me if you want to talk more about the guilt feelings, as I've definitely been there and felt that!

So very sorry for the passing of your friend. I just hate cancer!!!

Connie, like you, I can't believe that Frank has been gone for two months. I think of him every day and realize how much I miss him on this board. Every time I hear a really great joke (especially one involving blondes) I think of Frank and how much he would have liked the joke. Connie, I do have to believe it was Frank's footsteps you heard walking ever so softly through your house. Dennis had said the same type of things to me about making it back and you know, I think he has made it a few times. Frank used to PM me and tell me how much Dennis reminded him of an old buddy of his from Nam. I have always thought that Dennis and Frank would have hit it off really well, especially when I heard about the beer and chocolate donut connection. Connie, I hope they're both sitting up there, eating chocolate donuts and having a beer!

Thought you might like that, Tina. From one Tennessee gal to another.

I know we looked at one of these befor but this one is awesome!!! http://www.wvec.com/cams/eagle.html

Yeah, Katie!!! Thank you so very much for always being here for us!!!

(((((((Nick))))))) So very sorry you are having a rough day. It seems that every one of these dates/timelines are so damned hard to deal with. But, if it helps any at all, I must say that I completely agree with your Dad about the answers to your three questions.

Karen, I'll be praying along with you! It's such a good feeling when the treatments are completed! I'm so happy for you and your Dad.

Politician Quiz A - Bill Clinton B - Warren G. Harding C - Andrew Jackson D - Thomas Jefferson E - Lyndon B. Johnson F - John F. Kennedy G - Franklin D. Roosevelt H - George Washington 1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to "push the button" in case of nuclear attack? 2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant? 3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office? 4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister? 5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"? 6. Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first husband, and was branded an "adulterer" during his re-election campaign? 7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was engaged to someone else? 8. Which president had a torrid affair with the first lady's personal secretary? 9. Which president had sex with a young woman in a White House coat closet - at one point, while a secret service agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking them? 10. Which president had sex in a closet while telling his partner about the *other* president who did the same in a closet? (The one from Question 9)? 11. Which vice president was ticked off because he felt that HIS record of sexual conquests was much more "impressive" (i.e. numerous) than the President's? 12. Which future president, while a college student, enjoyed showing off his p***s (which he named Jumbo)? Scroll down for answers ... ANSWERS 1. F 2. A 3. E 4. D 5. A 6. C 7. H, E 8. G, F 9. B 10. F 11. E

OT:For all the Tennessee Girls (hehe) >Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. >The first man had married a Woman from California and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. >The second man had married a woman from Mississippi. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. >The third man had married a girl from Tennessee . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye: enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

A woman walked into her house to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting Flies" he responded. "Oh, killing any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "Three were on the TV remote, 2 were on the phone."

I'm not sure if I submitted this to the LC Cookbook or not. But, I did want to share this with everyone before they make dinner for Easter. Although we usually think of pineapple as sweet and more in the dessert category, this is an excellent side dish. Pineapple Casserole 1 20 oz can pineapple chunks, drain, and reserve juice 3 Tbsp flour 1/4 cup melted butter 1/2 cup sugar 1 cup grated cheddar cheese (grate your own)Pre grated cheese doesn't melt 1/2 cup crushed Ritz crackers **I always use saltines Preheat oven to 350 Combine flour, sugar and 3 Tbsp pineapple juice. Stir in cheese and pineapple. Spoon into greased casserole dish. Mix crackers with butter, and add to top of mixture. Bake 25 minutes or until bubbly.

I'm with you, Ginny. Although there are some wonderful things to be smelled, it seems that I could do without the good or bad smells, if necessary. Like you, sight would be at the absolute bottom of my list.

If you had to give up the use of one sense what would it be and why? Touch, taste, sight, hearing or smelling

Answers at bottom of quiz...don't peek. A Quiz For People Who Know Everything (1) There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it? (2) What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? (3) Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? (4) Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? (5) What fruit has its seeds on the outside? (6) In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? (7) Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common. Name two of them. ( There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them? (9) Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?" (10) There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls-a walk-is one way. Name the other six. (11) It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it? (12) Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S." "Answers To Quiz" 1. Boxing. 2. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. Baseball. 5. Strawberry. 6. The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 7. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle. 8. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 9. In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west. 10. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner. 11. Lettuce. 12. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, snowshoes, stockings. ...Well, now you know! Feel any smarter?

Last name: _________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) [_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue Age: ______ (if unsure, guess) sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician Spouse's Name_________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: _________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: _________________ Lover's Name: ________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: ___________________ Relationship to spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet Number of children living in household: _____ Number of children living in shed: _____ Number that are yours: _____ Mother's Name: ___________________ Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? ___ Total number of vehicles that you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Where your firearms are kept: [_] truck [_] kitchen [_] bedroom [_] bathroom [_] shed Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain: _____________________ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: [_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest [_] Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not applicable Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A How many?_____ Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 200-400 miles [_] over 400 miles [_] what's a miles?

Massage Oil Toothbrush Bubble Bath Next place ....At a Beach Boys Concert

the tough get going. Man's best friend is their _______