Carleen

Have a GREAT birthday!!!

Paula, I know words are of so little comfort right now, and nothing I can say will ease any of your pain. But please know that I am praying for you and your family right now. I am so sorry for your loss. Please please try not to look back and second guess your situation. You have enough emotions and pain to deal with without adding guilt. Hindsight is 20/20, and you made the best decisions you could based on the information you knew at the time. You were a wonderful and caring, supportive daughter, and I'm positive your dad knew and felt that every day. Take care of you, and I pray that God grant you peace and comfort.

Boy oh boy, that is definitely strange. I have no experience with anything like that, and haven't really heard of anything similar. So, all I can add is my prayers and support. I'm praying like Nick said that the only cancer cells that were first formulating were the ones that just so happened to be removed by this surgery. Praying that your dad is now clean and clear again. (((Jen))) (((Keith))) I'm sending you lots of love!

WOOO HOOO!!!! Barb I'm so happy that the results were good.

I think a hug always helps in all things. Love is the universal cure.

I agree with Ann and Lily. I thnk there are very polite and friendly ways of saying "I don't want the Swine Flu special please". I would most likely try and gently request a new box of donuts using humor. I find that people have a hard time getting defensive and upset when they are laughing. I've had something similar happen at an ice cream parlor. I orders a hot fudge sundae, with lots of whipped cream, cherry and nuts... mmmm.... But as I watched the kid behind the counter prepare my order, while at the same time tending the grill for some burger orders that were also in process I noticed that he was sweating profusely. As his head was bent over my sundae intently decorating my treat with beautiful spirals of whipped cream, I watched in horror as sweat droplets which were hanging perilously from the end of his nosed dropped directly on top in leiu of a cherry. I didn't want to embarrass the kid about his excessive sweating, but I also didn't ask for the body fluid Sundae.

Lisa I am so sorry for you loss. I'm a daddy's girl myself, so I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. When my husband died, I thought that every breath and every heart beat I had must surely be fatal because they hurt so much that it was like you described, my chest would explode. And it did help to talk about it. It's strange but there is some comfort in telling their story. I used to say that he didn't get enough time to show the world how truly amazing and wonderful he was, so it was up to me to let as many people know as possible. And in time, the telling of him helped ease my pain, it kept my memories fresh, and now it gives me something to look back on relive those memories. So if it helps, please come back and tell us a bit about your daddy. I'm sure he was a wonderful dad, and a good man for you to love him so much. Share some of your favorite memories. I am keeping you and your family in prayers, and hope you find some peace and comfort in the days to come. God Bless you!

I'd have to say my life is about a 50/50 proposition, so a middle line score of 5 for me. I have so many wonderful things for which I'm thankful. I have a wonderful family and great friends. I was fortunately to be able to marry and experience a love affair unlike any I've ever known or dreamt of. And I'm grateful and lucky enough to have a wonderful and supportive husband now. And I have great support in my friends here. But for all those good things in my life I still have so much that I struggle with. I have a job that I can't stand, but am sort of stuck because I only know how to do one thing, and have a debt level that prohibits me from switching to an entry level new career that I'd enjoy. I was so blessed in my love life, but at the same time, I hurt every single day for what I've lost. I try not to think of it like that, but it's the truth. I miss him so much, and that hole never seems to get filled no matter what I try and fill it with. I still cry almost every day. Financially I struggle and barely understand how I somehow manage not only to be able to buy groceries, but also apparently enough to be overweight. And that is my final issue. I know I'm a good person, I'm not too stupid, I try to be caring and giving, and all. But I HATE the way I look. When I look in the mirror none of the internal things matter to me; I am filled with self loathing and disgust. So basically I'm an emotional wreck.

I agree with Ann. Soft cotton. However specifically I love the feel of the fluffy cotton blankets they make for babies these days. I don't know why they don't make things for adults out of this material it's great! My husband and I have talked about buying a bunch of baby blankets and sewing them together into pillow cases and a blanket for our bed. LOL But too expensive.

Hi Barb, I don't know the answer to your question. I sometimes feel like I'm waiting or trying to push for the same thing. So far it's been a little over 3 years since Keith left me. And it has gotten better to the point where I don't cry as often as I did, and I've even been able to find room in my heart for another. But, it hasn't taken away or filled the hole left by Keith. I still think of him every day and feel like when I do so razor blades run through my chest and heart. There are some days that it all overwhelms me. I'll be going along fine, trying to just live a normal life and the feelings that I've been surpressing will boil over and it will hurt like it was just today he left me, and hurt even greater for the combined feeling of loss, of the guilt over the fading of my memories, and the guilt over not feeling bad every day and living on. Some days I don't think I can breathe and know my heart will burst from the pain; but for some reason I live on. I don't know how it's possible to live with this broken heart. So I don't think the hurt will ever go away. I believe that we just get used to living with it, for me I am accustomed and no longer fight the crashing emotions and visitations of grief, and I go through it hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I will love him forever, and I guess that means I will feel the pain of our separation until we are reunited in heaven.

Hi Shirley, I just wanted to welcome you to the board, and say how sorry I am you've received this news. I know how scary and devastating it is. Your world feels like it spins out of control. We are here for you whenever you need some advice, or just a place to vent or laugh or share. My only advice is to take it one day at a time. The next few days/weeks are the hardest until they get all the information together or what the mass is, if it's malignant what the pathology is, and what the plan is to do next. Once you have a treatment plan it does seem to get better because then you know. The fear of the unknown is replaced by a fighting spirit and the challenge of beating the crap out of whatever it is. I wish you the absolute best, and hope that this mass is not as serious as I know you are fearing. I will keep you in prayers. God Bless you, Carleen

(((MARCI))) I am so sorry to hear that you are again being affected by this. It seems so unfair. I will keep you and your Nan and family in my prayers.

Thanks be to God! This is such a great update. I am so happy to hear that mom is feeling better, that her distress was not as serious as thought and in fact she now gets to decrease the amount of meds she's taking. That is wonderful. I know you must also be feeling so much relief and happiness. (((KIM))) YEAH!!! Proof again that prayers do work! We'll keep them up for good things for your mom and for wild success with the new study.

Hello, Welcome to our site. I'm not exactly sure whether you are in the right place or not, but I'm sending you my warm welcome, as well as a bit of a hope that you are in the wrong place. The reason I hope this is the wrong board for you is that members here are people who have either been diagnosed with Lung Cancer, or are the care-givers, family, friends, and loved ones of someone with Lung Cancer. It's a truly wonderful group of people, the best membership ever, but one that none of us here ever hope anyone else needs. I pray for the day that this message board dwindles to the point where there is no longer a need for support because they've found a cure and there is no more lung cancer. So, tell us a bit about yourself. Introduce yourself and what brings you here. As far as your question goes for beaded trim, I'm not an expert by any means either, but I have purchased sewing supplies at a discount from this website in preparation for my wedding. They were good to work with and always were displaying new material. Their stock changes weekly so if you don't see something you like, you can look again later and find something else that is great. http://hot-threads.com/fabric-embellishments/fabric-trims/beaded-trim Good Luck. (and if this is not the boards you intended to visit, do not worry.... We are here if you need us, but are excited and happy for you if not.)

Congratulations Joe! Good news all around; stable scans and 3 beautiful blessings from God! THEY ARE SO ADORABLE! I'm sure you and Gina are so very happy, proud, and exhausted. hahaha But it is truly wonderful. You have been greatly blessed. Good luck and I'll be sending you warm wishes and prayers for your beautiful family.

I am smiling ear to ear. That is really great news! And it sounds like you have a wonderful team on your dad's defense. I am praying every day for Keith, and for your family as well. (((JEN)))

Hi Max, I understand that medical testing is probably scarce where you are at. But I would take the opportunity to have your pain checked out as soon as it is possible. My husband's first symptom was a sharp pain in his back, mid rib cage. We went to the emergency room and they mis-diagnosed him as having pnuemonia. From there he started having a constant burning ache in the collar bone area of his neck/chest and a sharp pain in the same spot when he'd sneeze or cough. That turned out to be a tumor in his lymph node. And with mets outside the lung at that point it was already considered stage 4 terminal cancer. I wish we would have gotten better scans or more tests when we just thought he had a sudden bad chest cold and pnuemonia. It's better to be safe and err on the side of caution, then to regret and not be able to go back in time and correct an error of ommission. Good Luck, I'll send some prayers your way. Carleen

Congratulations Barb!!! I'm so happy to hear you are a member of the empty headed club. That is such GREAT news! ((((BARB)))

I think the end is different for many people. For my husband, it was a lot quicker than I expected. On Friday he was racing me through the hospital pushing me in a wheelchair after I completed an invetro fertilization treatment. Monday we went to the hospital for a pain in his shoulder and after that, he seemed to immediately just slip away from me. While in the hospital he slept all the time. I thought it was because they were giving him so much pain meds. He was never on a ton of meds before and now he had an automatic pain pump that kept him doped up and sleeping all the time. We decided to bring him home on Wednesday. Doctors told me they thought he only had a few weeks left. That night when we got him home, he was so groggy and just couldn't stay awake, by the middle of the night he wasn't even talking, barely getting the point across that he had to go to the bathroom etc... Some time during the night, around 3 AM his breathing changed to something a little more shallow and raspy. His color also changed to not only paler, but a more blueish cast, and the most telling thing was that his skin was so cold to the touch. I'd kiss his lips and they were always so warm and soft, and now they were cool. He passed at 9:54 AM. He was sleeping and his breathing got louder and he was moaning, not like in pain, but almost like he was just vocalizing. We gathered around him to pray and he quieted. We thought he was listening or sleeping more peacefully, but then he gave out a few Gulps and gasps for air and it was over. To this day, my biggest regret in my whole life is my wondering if giving him those pain meds shortened his days. Even if it was only by a few weeks, did I rob him of those weeks. He was completely alert and 100% mentally there up until the moment that pain pump went in. I hate doubt. I wish we could see the future and know the right decisions ahead of time. Then there would never be regrets. I'm sending you prayers for you and your family. God Bless you

I'm on the bandwagon with those people who said listen to Ned. When we decided to get hospice care, our hospital social worker did all the leg work for me. Not only did she have all the information on the different hospice organizations and what they provided, but she called my insurance for me, found out that my insurance only covered one home hospice provider and one in-patient provider. She confirmed that if we went home and then changed our minds, we could always transfer to the in-patient provider services. She was an absolute angel finding out all the info I needed at a time when I didn't have the time, energy or mental strength to weed through the info myself. Take advantage of the resources out there for you. We opted for home hospice care, and although Keith passed away the morning after coming home, before the hospice nurse got there for the assessment, I knew the routine was she was going to come in and evaluate what his condition and needs were. We were approved for twice a week visits, but if her assessment was different she could request and get approval from insurance for much more, including 2 staff personnel per visit. I do however think that 24/7 nursing care for hospice is really rare without doing private care and paying for it. Insurance seems to be a bit cheap and will work up to what they feel is the minimum requirements. I'm sending you lots of prayers.

Jen I am so sorry you and your family are going through all this nerve wracking and frightening stuff again. But as was mentioned already, if they are even talking about surgery, it's a good thing because they only talk surgery if they feel it will bring about a cure. Of course I always keep you and your family in my prayers, and your Keith holds a special place in my prayers always. I'm wishing you the absolute best. Hold tight and know we are thinking of you and sending you our love.

Oh Jen, I know how scary it is when anything new changes. Our thoughts go immediately to the worst. But as others have said here, it couild be other things. I am saying prayers right now for Keith. And I pray for God's continued blessings for you and your family.

Oh that's an easy one. At this point in my life it would be Sleepy. At different stages in my life I've been different dwarves, but now with kids, any free second I get I think I would chose to nap during.

YEA!!!!! B-9 That is fantastic news. I am very happy for you!

My name is Carleen and I am from Mukwonago Wisconsin. I lost my soul mate and love of my life Keith June 29th, 2006. I thought my life had ended too, but God had other plans and reconnected me to a childhood friend of Keith's who had been distant for a few years prior. Now I am recently remarried to Michael, and just this past month became a foster parent to two wonderful kids, 6 yrs and 7 mos. I know they are only placed with us for about the next year, and my heart will be completely broken again when they leave, but I am filled with love for them now and am enjoying every second of it. I have two dogs, a doberman lab mix who is 13 and I am very afraid will leave us before too long, and a 4 yr old doberman who is just a crazy bundle of nerves and energy. But I love my family, every member new and old. The one great thing I've learned in the past few years is that the hearts capacity for love is limitless, and there are so many different types and qualities of love that can't be imagined. God is good. I work as a finance auditor, and in my spare time I.... who am I kidding, I don't have spare time.... but if I did I would love to do sculpture, painting, drawing, traveling or just relaxing with a good book.