natalie

Hi Kate, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling down. I think of you often and wonder how you are. Thanks for checking in. I will definitely pray that Larry gets a miracle.

Andrea, that is terrific news! I will pray for a speedy recovery.

Ginny, I'm so sorry about the bad news you have been receiving. I've been getting similar reports from friends and family as well and I can't help but think it's an epidemic..or I was just blind to how prevalant cancer is before my mom was diagnosed. I hope this is the end of bad news for you and that things just get better from here on out.

Colleen, I'm so so sorry. May you live on in his legacy. Reading about the love you two shared is inspiring.

You are an amazing woman. Your strength and insight inspires me.

I'd like to "ditto" what Margaret said. you and Bill are definitely in my prayers.

Linda, You have my prayers. Keep us posted.

My mom was a pretty private person so I haven't felt comfortable adding her picture to my name, but I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures of her in a post in memory of her. Here's a link to some pictures of my mom. Another face to add to lung cancer. http://members16.clubphoto.com/natalie7 ... 1ff6.phtml

You got it! You and your mom are in my prayers daily.

Carleen, Based on what I've read about dreams, I think a lot of times our subconcious plays a part in our dreams. It could be in the back of your mind, you are fearing being alone, so you are dreaming it. Simple as that. I don't think it's a sign. Don't worry. I usually have a reoccuring theme in my dreams based on some of the fears I have in life. I don't think they are preminitions. Too bad we can't dream the winning numbers of the next lottery, huh?

Berisa, I'm so sorry about the recent news. I hate cancer. I don't know enough to give you advice other than I bet he can have the Gamma Knife if the tumor is not too large. Until you can get more answers, I would keep using those herbal treatments. They can't hurt and you know, they just might work.

I know of some people that have had seizures from dehydration, terrible fatique, adverse reaction to meds. It could even be a tiny millimeter met that is just in that certain area that can triggure a seizure. If you are anything like me, you are probably very anxious. It helped me when I felt very anxious to take deep breathes and listen to myself breathe and close my eyes and sit alone for five minutes. Also, I think I mentioned this before, it's kind of cheesy, put it helps me...I picked a theme song. Christina Aguilera's "Stronger". Anytime I feel like crap and let down, I play it and it makes me toughen up and I feel like I will get through anything that comes my way...no matter what the outcome. Although I like to give positive feedback, I know you like honesty and no sugar coating, so here I go, ha!....I also would prepare for the worst, think of the best. How the heck I did that, I'm not sure...but when I prepared for the worst, it was less of a let down and not a shock, but when they'd give us good news, I was estactic. Let us know how it goes, okay? We are here for you.

I'm so sorry to hear that your Dad had a seizure. Is he in the hospital now? What are the doctors doing for him to prevent the seizure from happening again? What have the doctors said?

Janet, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope I don't offend you, but in a way, it may be a mixed blessing that you all didn't know that there was cancer present. I watched my mom battle this hideous disease for 9 months and that about killed me inside. I'm glad your father did not suffer very long. You have no reason to feel quilty. I'm reading books on loss and they say that most people feel guilt for some reason or another. It's a stage of grieving. Where do you live in Northern California?

Thank you so much to you all for replying to my post. I took my Dad to a support group last night and was very proud of him. He opened up so much and I could tell he felt better to have people that understand. He found people he could relate to and I know it made him feel better. I also have printed your posts and it helps a lot. Anne, my Dad has been talking about God lately too. He said he wants to go to church which about knocked me off my chair. I knew he believed in God, but he never went to church or talked to me about religion. He has been very spiritual lately and I know it's helping him through this. I bombarded him with a lot of books and he actually has told me he started reading them. I'm starting to see my Dad grow a little bit. My parents didn't have a big social circle either so I worry just like you. If I posted a picture of my mom and I, you would be amazed because my mom and I are both blonde, same age bracket, hair length...you remind me a lot of the dynamics with my mom. You are such compassionate and loving people. Thanks for all of your support.

Kelly, You probably have already done this since you are getting 2nd opinions, but I'd make sure you have a copy of all pathology reports, doctors notes, everything you can get. Print up anything you read that may help and show it to the doctor and keep asking questions. Sometimes I would ask questions afraid of how the doctor would react (offended or attacked) but a lot of times, I would be told "That's a good question..." and I'd get a pretty logical answer. Tell them about that website you read about. Good luck. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It just plain sucks. That's the only word I can come up with to describe what we all have to go through...oh never mind...nightmare? B.S.? horrible? oh gosh, I can go on. Keep asking us questions, we'll do what we can to help. I know it helped me a lot in dealing with my mom's doctors.

Hi Shelly, I'm so sorry. I'm running through the motions the same time you are. Please feel free to contact me. Although I'm glad my mom is not suffering anymore, I am still numb and can't believe my mom is gone. I know what you are going through. After the week my mom died, I was terribly burnt out. I took an extra week off from work and it helped. I slept in until 11:00 in the morning, which is so unlike me, but when I got back to work, which was this Monday, I felt like I gave myself enough time to recuperate and I feel the heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. Now I'm just sad...but its an okay sad. Take care of yourself.

Norme, I'm so sorry. I saw your post and my heart sank. I hope you at least can find some relief in not worrying about Buddy anymore. I know the constant worry/anxiety about my mom was killing me inside. We are here for you.

Deb- I got the chills when you talked about your dream. How terrific and I don't think you are reading too into things. I still haven't had a dream about my mom. My Dad has...which I'm really happy with. I did have something really neat happen to me though. My husband and I took my Dad to Las Vegas last Thursday to Saturday to get him away from reality. Well, just getting there, I sit at a machine, push the button, out pops a royal flush of hearts and I won $1,000. I swear it was my mom. It would have been totally her style. It's just like her to ask the powers that be to just let her do this one thing for me so we can have a good weekend. My mom use to always want to give me money to gamble with when we'd go to Lake Tahoe and we'd fight about it...I'd always say I'm not taking your money and it would always end up in my pocket or my purse some how. Anyways, I sat there smiling waiting for the attendant to pay me. Everyone around me asked why I wasn't screaming. I said it was because I wasn't surprised. My Dad came over and the first thing he though was that it came from my mom. He said, "and how ironic that it's a flush of hearts." That was the most comforting moment. I'm still waiting for a dream though. I have been having a lot of cold sweats lately at night. I'm wondering if I'm having nightmares or something. I have been okay for a few days. I actually felt more normal than I have in months, but then I found an email from my mom yesterday and it hit me so hard that she's gone. I guess that's how this process is. I can't tell if I'm in denial, still in shock or if I've already done most of my grieving. This board helps so much.

I was hoping some of you could help me out. I'm an only child and of course my Dad is devastated with the loss of my mom. They have been married 35 years and I can't offer him the support of knowing what he's going through as I am grieving the loss of a mother which is different then the loss of a spouse. I know how devastated I am and then I try to put myself in my Dad's shoes and it hurts me so much to think of what he's going through because I know that it has got to be an unbelievable amount of suffering as he's use to being with her every day. My mom was also very outgoing and fun to be with and so the loss of her is so noticeable as she was always the center of attention. He met her when he was 18. My Dad is only 54 and never thought he'd be in the situation. I'm trying to get my Dad on this website, but he's intimidated by the computer...can some of you that have lost a spouse write to my Dad (David) so he knows he is not alone? I'll print it out for him and see if I can get him to go on here. It helps when I tell him people that have lost their partner and how long they have been married and how they are going through what he's going through. I want him to know he is not alone in his suffering. He says he searches for her in the middle of the night. He's especially depressed in the morning. Thank you all in advance for your help.

Andrea, You are in my prayers daily. I have a feeling the Iressa is working for your mom. I'm here for you...call me if you need to talk.

Marlon, I'm so sorry. Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I just went through the same exact thing last Monday night. I also was there with my mom holding her hand as she took her last breath. I never knew the true feeling of pain and hurt until the moment my mom got diagnosed. What a terrible year, huh? If you ever need to talk PM me anytime.

Annie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad and I are in the same boat as you at the same time. Things were so hectic this past week with my mothers funeral and family visiting that today is the first day I was alone to take it all in. I hope that you get lots of rest and email me anytime. Take Care.

Jennifer, My mom passed Monday night and waited for me too. I had just gotten there (ran home to take a shower and came back to the hospital) and 2 minutes after I was there holding her hand she took her last breaths. I feel so blessed to have been there. I think our moms chose us to be there.

my mom died last night at 8:50. She had dignity, grace... and i was fortunate enough to share her last moments. Thank you to you all for your help this past nine months. I'm in a state of shock.