Littlegirl

It IS about you. That does not make it selfish. As a caregiver wasn't it always about Bill? I don't mean that in a negative way, but that is where the focus and the energy needed to be directed. That has shifted and now the focus and energy need to be directed to you and how you get through this. You are still the caregiver my dear, but now you need to be taking care of YOU. Don't feel guilty or that it is wrong. You do what feels right to you and don't be afraid to lean on family and friends to help you get through. I know the holidays will be rough. You are in my prayers. Karen

Ry ~ I am SO sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers! Karen

WAY TO GO NICK!!!

Lori - I totally agree with your aha moment. I for some reason cannot understand why people get soooo offended when asked this question. And it bothers me as I feel I am a very empathetic person and often try to imagine point of view from someone else. I have to assume it is just because this is such a sensitive topic to those dealing with LC. And I can't even believe I am posting these words as I've been flamed for them before. But we do know that smoking causes cancer. And if someone asks me if my mom smoked I will gladly answer "yes" if it will make them think twice about picking up a cigarette. I know my mom would not have picked up her first cigarette if she KNEW she would end up with LC or with her lungs in such terrible shape. I do not blame her in the least bit, but I am sure she feels the guilt. I think people asking the question MIGHT just be trying to learn more and educate themselves. I think people are realizing that this CAN happen to non-smokers otherwise NOBODY would ask the question as they would all just assume all people with LC smoke. karen

Yes, the one benefit to cancer is it makes you appreciate those days that might have otherwise not have meant to much. (Did that make sense, I did not get much sleep last night?) I'm glad you are able to enjoy those special moments with your mom. Karen

Bobby - I am so VERY sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers. Karen

I've often read the second year is harder than the first. I think the first year you are just to numb to believe it is really true, and by the second year reality sinks in. Hang in there sweetie! Karen

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Karen

Spoil her rotten! So glad things are going well with her development. I had a nephew born with club feet and my first daughter had a cleft lip so I know it is not fun to deal with that stuff. Karen

Hoping you and Julia have many, many years of wedded bliss. Karen

Yes Carleen ~ CANCER SUCKS! Keith was way too YOUNG, way too HANDSOME and way too SPECIAL to be taken from you like that. My heart breaks for you as you struggle with these special days (and getting through all the ordinary days as well.) Of course birthdays in heaven are even more glorious and someday you will see that when you are reunited with your love. But you've got some living to do here on earth still sweetie and I hope someday soon you find it much easier to do! Hang in there! Karen

I am so sorry for your loss and also for the events leading up to your immense bitterness. It's sad that you and Cheryl did not have the support you needed during this difficult time. Karen

Hooray ~ so glad baby Xavier is home now. And what a cutie! Nap when you can...might be a while before you get a good nights sleep! Karen

A big HOORAY! Karen

Welcome and sounds like you guys are ready to fight and have your game plan ready! I want to say I agree with Ned. Keep eating whatever you want just to get the calories in. My moms doc said if your body starts to lose weight it is harder to fight the cancer. Best wishes to all of you! Karen

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Karen

I'm so sorry Jill. I know how hard it is to ride this roller coaster. And I know how hard it is to watch this person in your mom's body that is not your mom. Many things can cause this disorientation, as others have suggested. My dad is prone to cellulitus (a type of flesh infection) and sometimes when he gets this he gets VERY disorientated!!! Hoping it is something minor that can be fixed so you can have more time with your mom. Karen

Robin - my mom saw a gastro doc as she was having issues swallowing and he threatened to put a feeding tube in her. This doc was way off base though as my mom was not to that phase yet, had only lost a couple pounds. We found out she had ulcers that just needed some time to heal. We would not have hesitated though if we truly thought she was at that point, to move forward with the feeding tube. My mom drank the Ensure/Boost shakes until the thought of them made her gag. Then she continued to drink Carnation instant breakfast drink. I think you need to get as many calories in as possible, even if that means eating ice cream for breakfast! Also, the docs can give you a med that increases your appetite. Good Luck! Karen

Mom getting sick was a wake-up call for us to spend more quality time with her so my sisters and I have had several 'girls night out' with mom. Here are some of the things we have done. Lunch and trip to Botanical Gardens. Trip to the local casino. Hotel room booked at Embassy Suites to just hang out and play games all night. Mom's breathing was not optimal and she was fatigued for most of these trips, but we just made sure we could take a wheelchair everywhere we went and we were fine. Karen

I also have a mom who tends to keep stuff to herself. That is one reason she never goes to the doctor alone - EVER. If there was a recurrence or some type of issue we may never know. It also helps us gauge how she is doing. She won't always tell us exactly how she feels or what is going on, but we can hear it first hand when she tells the doctor. We are not overpowering, and in fact I know she appreciates that one of us will always be there. (This was not the reason we always go - both my parents are getting older and get a bit confused about things sometimes so it helps us all if one of us kids is there with them.) Karen

Oh Teri ~ it sounds like you are doing well. I know it must be so hard but I'm sure Bill is VERY proud that you are choosing to surround yourself with memories of Bill from when he was healthy and putting away those reminders of him being ill and passing away. (Those items have their spot in the memory box for those really hard days when you need a good cry.) And its GREAT that you are getting involved in those old hobbies again! Hang in there girl! Karen

Bobby - i just wanted to add that my mom had a bout of pnemonia earlier this summer and it took her a while to bounce back from it. We were afraid something else was wrong but one of her docs confirmed that it can take a while to get your stamina back after getting this. I just wanted to let you know that NOW so that you are not all freaked out when a month from now she is still fatigued. Karen

She is beautiful! Once again, I am so very sorry! Karen

Sheri - I am so sorry for your loss. Karen

Tom - I am so very, very sorry to hear about your daughter. Hoping that everything turns out good when you get your scan. Karen