Kathleen1

Thank you Peggy for mentioning this book. I have been looking for a book that would help me. I am lower than ever, I will go out and get this book immediately. Thank you!

Nick, that is a beautiful sign! I want to see the pictures!

I like the timelines - as somone said above if you don't have it you don't have the whole story. I firmly believe that just because our loved ones are now gone that we still belong here as much as anyone. LC touched our lives. We have information and experiences to share. We need to support one another. My Mom is gone - should I not be here anymore? I sure hope that isn't the case because if it is then this place is not what I had thought it was all along............. AND if you don't like reading the timelines, just read the message and don't read the timeline portion.

I guess I missed all the hullaballu on this one too. My opinion? I like the timelines, it helps me identify everyone and know why you are here. I am not as active on here as everyone so sometimes I see a name and then I'm not sure how they got here so to speak. Sure sometimes that information is sad. Heck its ALL SAD. If it weren't NONE of us would be here in the first place. I've found this place to be a place where everyone belonged, good news, bad news, all news. Thats what make is such a grand place. I could not have survived the past 4 months since my Mom passed without reading your posts, without being able to post my own and get your responses. I prefer it when the timelines are present - so that we can know more about one another and what our experiences have been. That said, Pat. You belong here. End of story ! We need you!!!! I hope I made sense since I kind of missed what happened!

I would be interested in hearing anyone's stories of signs. My Mom has been gone nearly 4 months now. Not one sign - at least that I picked up on. We were so close I was sure I'd get a sign right away. I feel that I am open to it and just letting it happen, but my grief does feel worse because without signs I'm not sure she is around at all anymore. I thought there would be obvious signs because of how close we were. I told the grief counselor at Hospice that had I received a post card in the mail from her telling me that she arrived safely and it was just as they say it is - that I wouldn't be at all surprised. We were best friends. My life has pretty much sucked (sorry) from the time she passed.

Don, you are in my prayers. Take good care of you and please know we are all thinking of you. You have been so much support to everyone here. Please lean on us if you need to.

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not second guess the care you gave your Mother or any decisions you made. But also know that these are all normal feelings to have after we lose a loved one. I hate that the feelings of "did I do all I could have done? Did we not advocate enough? could I have done something to save her?" are normal. But everyone seems to go through this. You and I emailed and I have read your posts here. You absolutely cared for your Mom in the best way possible in every way. You took her into your home. You loved her and you were all there for her. That is the greatest gift anyone can give. Six days. I remember. I think I am still in a fog and it has been 4 months and 12 days. I think losing a beloved Mother leaves us with such a hole. Nothing fills it, but time will make it more tolerable. Nick had written to me when I was second guessing the events leading up to Mom's death that it wasn't the doctors or our decisions that took her life. It was the cancer - and its as simple as that. I too thought if we did everything perfectly somehow we could keep her. It was the cancer that took her and you made the experience for her as painfree and tolerable as possible and that is all you could do. Your Mom was very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. It does get better...but then it dips again...and then it gets better for a time. We are all here for you. Please PM me anytime. Bless you for taking such good care of your Mom and now its time you take good care of you. You are in my prayers and again I am so sorry for your loss. k

Fantastic news! And yes, definitely offers hope to others. Good job!

They do still make candy cigarettes, I've seen them! Ridiculous! Boy times have changed. I remember as a kid riding in the car with my much older sister, her husband and Mom and Dad. They were all smoking and I remember my sister getting angry with me sitting in the backseat car sick and asking if they would just open a window a little..............And they refused! Of course people who don't smoke also get lung cancer, but I too worry about being near smokers, or in establishments that allow smoking. It is super scary when you see first hand what lung cancer does. And even though lots of people get it who never smoked why increase your chances.

Don this is a very sweet story. I'm glad you are having good days. Your daughter is a sweetheart. And, I'm going to follow by example and do the same for my Dad- surprise him. I agree that Lucie was right there with you Thank you and Happy Holidays!

I too am very sorry for your great loss. I am praying for you to find peace. I can relate to the sleepless nights and crying yourself to sleep. I am so sorry. Know that everyone here is glad to offer support and love. God bless you. k

Ann, that is a wonderful thing to do on this day. But I think you help people here EVERYDAY with your love and support. Take good care today. God love you, I know we do!!!!!!!

Christine, I am so very sorry for your huge loss. I will pray for peace and strength for you. Losing a beloved Mother compares to nothing else. I am so so sorry. Take good care of yourself and hold on to all of your memories.

one thing you may check for is fever or headaches. With my Mom, she was very confused too, using the wrong words etc. We found that many times she was running a low fever even though to the touch she didn't feel like it. Or she was having headaches and not telling us. Does your Mom rub her head at all? this is one way to tell if her head is hurting her. We used Tylenol a lot for Mom and it made a world of difference. It would clear her head up quite significantly. Basically we relied on Tylenol from the time she began radiation until the end when she needed something stronger. It was amazing how much it helped. One minute she'd be so confused and then we'd give her Tylenol in 45 minutes to an hour we saw huge improvement. Even with getting her out of bed. She would want to just sleep. We'd give her a Tylenol and then in 45 minutes or so we could get her up for the day. The doctors couldn't quite believe it but they said if it worked don't question it. Just a thought anyway Best wishes to you k

Ann, I truly believe that was Dennis! He came to you in your dream. I have dreams like that every once in a while and I believe they are real. My dreams are always so scattered but when I have a dream like that it is very clear, so I believe it is that person visiting you. Do some really nice things for yourself these next few days. Things you would do for a very very dear friend. you are such a dear friend to all of us here and have offered so much support. I am praying for you during this difficult time and always. k

The only losses as far as death that I've experienced before Mom were both of my Grandmother's and my wonderful dog Teddy. I was very sad at these losses but I guess accepted them more? Losing Mom is so very different. I dream about her and wake up crying. I haven't had a really restful nights sleep since May 22nd when we discoverd the cancer had spread to her brain. For a time things will seem better, almost normal. And then Whoooosh! The waves come in and I can't feel the ground underneath my feet. Not at all like walking on air, rather I'm falling and there is nothing to catch me. I feel so isolated in my grief. My older siblings don't talk about it at all. My dear dear best friend is gone forever. There is nothing else to think about. Even if I do think about something else she is always right there in my mind. How brave she was in her battle against cancer. How she never once complained. How she was the one person who truly truly loved me faults and all. How she would light up like a firefly everytime I came home to see her. She made everything so complete. My Mom was the best person I ever knew. The other night I had a dream that she was sitting in a chair and I could see her but she was far far away and growing further away. I screamed in my dream like a little child belloring "Mommy! Mommy!!!!!!!!!!" I can still hear it. I woke up thinking I had actually screamed this outloud. It was two days ago and I can still hear it. The holidays are coming. I have done everything to make it bearable. I've baked the cookies she always baked. I made her special pepper jelly. I've baked her date bread in tin cans just the way she did. I've decorated our house more than I have decorated in years. I want this to be a very special Christmas for my new husband and bonus daughters as it is our first together. But inside I am so full of grief. I keep thinking its getting better and then it kicks my #@! again. The waves of grief are very difficult. When they are low you start to calm down but then they build and build and it feels they will swallow you whole. I guess we need the small ones to recover from the big ones. I miss you Mom - Every minute of everyday. I hope that I am 10% of the person you were. I miss your love and kindness. Your smile and sense of humor. I wear your wedding ring and mother's ring every single day keeping you with me. Please give me a sign soon, I need you. Thank you for allowing me to get that all out. I think I need a nap. Thinking of all of you and wishing you peace from your own grief and loss.

Pat, I am so very sorry for your losses. I don't know why one person has to encounter so much loss. I am praying for peace and comfort to help you during the next few weeks especially, but always. I can't imagine your grief and sense of loss, but I am praying for you. Thinking of you.

Ann, sending prayers for you. You have been so supportive to everyone here. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. This time of year really magnifies those feelings of loss. Hoping you feel some comfort soon. k

Jana, your words touched me so. I lost my Mom just over 3 months ago. I miss her so much I feel at times that I could just curl up and die. She was my best friend and the thought of her getting further and further away with each passing day is sometimes more than I can bare. I too feel cheated. I was married one month prior to Mom's passing. My husband has two wonderful daughters. While I try to remind myself that at least Mom knew I was married and I'm so grateful she was there and at least she knew Alan and the girls, they really didn't have much time to know each other really well. She was a wonderful woman and I wish so much they could have known her the way I did, and that there would have been more time to build memories with all of us. Our first Christmas together is approaching. So is the first Christmas without my Mom. Every year since I was a little girl I would get sad at Christmas because "what if it was the last Christmas I had my Mom?" My folks were in their mid 40's when they had me so I always feared losing them early. Lucky for me they both lived to their mid 80's. But my fear has finally reached. THIS is my first Christmas without Mom. I want it to go away! I don't want it to someday be my 10th or 20th Christmas without Mom. I don't know what to say. But I do understand your grief and what you are feeling. I'm sorry you don't have memories with your Mom and your daughter together. I have posted the following before, but I will post it again. It helps me. Someone told me that now is my chance to pass on to my new bonus daughters the things Mom gave me. That is all we can do. Be the Mom for your daughter that your Mom was for you. Your Mum is watching, I just know it. Love to you and wishing you comfort. "You are a continuation and resurrection of your mother, having picked up so much of her in your life, and so you go on, as her living legacy to the world. You’ll miss her everyday of your life and there’s no getting around that. But she gave you precious gifts and you bear them onward."

Nick, I totally feel that way. I never thought about ME dying one day. I of course thought of losing Mom or Dad or both as they were/are up there in years. But since Mom's diagnosis and passing I think about my own mortality all the time. I swear I do a self breast exam daily. I married the love of my life back in July. Took me 40 years to find him. I worry about him every minute of every day. I worry that I will leave him or he will leave me due to illness or tragedy. I have a long commute to work every day. People drive like maniacs. I don't know if it is getting worse or just because I am getting older. But these days I am so aware of how many people are driving and drinking a cup of coffee with one hand while holding a cell phone in the other. Or holding up papers on the steering wheel that they are reading! I see people pass in no passing zones where there is zero visability. It is really scary! So now that I have lost Mom I am convinced that I will be stricken with some sort of illness or killed on the road. This is stuff I really never gave a thought before. And I wonder why I think about it so much. I mean my Mom lived a good life. She was 85 and 1/2. But it HAS made me think of it, keeps me up at night and I really really realize now just how short life really is. Even my Dad has said "you know the past 85 years has really flown by". Anyway, you are not alone Nick as you can see from the posts. And I Thank YOU for bringing this topic up. Because it has been weighing heavy on my mind too. Funny how on the one hand I feel as though it will be forever until I see my Mom again.........on the other I wonder how long I have left????? I guess we never know. It surely is part of the grieving process and will get better in time. But thanks for making me feel a bit more normal too k

That is wonderful wonderful news. I am so happy for you and your Dad!

I just remembered another thing my Mom liked very well, French toast. Wishing you well. k

For my Mom, chocolate or strawberry ensure worked great. For whatever reason she liked it. Try adding ice cream to it and make a shake. Another thing that worked well was fresh baked cookies. For a time saver I would buy the peanut butter cookie dough from the grocery store and bake a few cookies each night. She ate them up with a glass of milk. the main thing with my Mom was to eat WITH her. She always ate better with someone. So I would get home from work and say "let's have us a snack". That made it more fun. She did complain that things didn't taste as good but we tried to make it fun. Another thing was cream of tomato soup and I always put shredded cheese on the soup after it was put in the bowl. She liked that a lot. Keep trying!

Hi Larry, I can relate and I am 39. Ok I'm really 41. BUT the point is that Since Mom's diagnosis and even more so since her passing I have become very very very thin skinned. So sensitive about everything. Less tolerant for sure - It seems like there are a lot more idiots around too! (for me anyway). And the thing that amazes me so is how my self confidence and how I feel about myself has really taken a beating. I don't understand why but it has. Its like when I lost Mom I lost most of myself. I seriously felt as if I'd lost a limb or vital organ. I keep telling myself its just part of the grieving process and it will get better. It has to with time. I think when we lose someone so close we do lose a part of ourselves. A part that will grow back with love and memories of our loved ones. Its a huge adjustment and it takes time. A lot of time. So know that you are not alone. We are right there with you! kate