I'm sorry for your pain. I lost my dad too and I've felt the way you do. But, I keep coming back to that none of us will every truly know what happens when we die until we die. I have hope that my dad is somewhere and is still connected to me in some way. I definately talk to him practically every day. If he's out there somewhere or not, it makes me feel better anyway. Sorry for your bad day, it does just suck all around to lose someone you love so much. Peace. Michele