gail

I was wondering too-- hoping that autopilot kicked in and the days are flying by gail

Love it! I'm not the only one with self diagnosis gail

don't give that evil cancer one more precious second of your day worryinng about what MIGHT happen with the scans. You shared your worries, you vented, you acknowledged them, now put them in a room in your brain and close the door. It is what it is what it is. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my 21 year old was only 7. For 3 days I could not function, and on the fourth day he had a big tantrum on the sidewalk about something. I remember thinking, "Even if I'm dying I still need to be his mother" and I sucked it up and took control. But my real recommendation for you, right now is: A FACIAL no kidding--treat yourself gail

I was very proud to watch it, and proud of YOU for carrying your honey's spirit onward. gail

Get the school counselor involved. When my students, who are 8, come in with such information I am on the phone. The counselor takes the child privately, and they always come back with some relief on their face. It's what the counselor does. good luck gail

30 year of teaching here-- You will go on autopilot. For the first couple of days consider yourself successful for getting to school and inside the door. Anything after that is gravy. Don't try to reinvent the wheel. Your new kids don't know what you did last year, so if your lessons are toned down a bit, they won't know. One coworker lost her son suddenly, another lost her husband suddenly at age 46, and she had 3 kids. I watched them through their grieving. when I had chemo with the breast cancer, I insisted on working. I was superwoman and I could do it. Except I couldn't. I was in bed by 8 PM each night. I realized I was putting my energies into my students not my son. Because of additional issues I went on medical leave while finishing chemo. Focus was back on my family and the students were fine. You do not have a physical wound, but have a very big emotional one. It's really not different. I gave both of those collegues the same book--"How to Survive the Loss of a Love" and one of the authors is Bloomfield. It is a small paperback that fits in a purse, and both friends read it often throughout the day. I don't know what grade you teach--I am in third grade. since the lung cancer I have stood at my door each morning and personally said hello to each child. sound simple, but for years I was too busy doing that teacher stuff to stand and greet them. Looking into the eyes of each child would help bring me out of my own head. sorry this is long, but your post hit close to home. Get the book. good luch gail

Had the colonoscopy today--another day, another procedure, right? I am looking at a printout, in full color, or 9, count them, nine polyps. Two biggest were 15 mm, rest under 5. Didn't like it at all. That was bad enough, but I found out like this-- I finished dressing and went into the bathroom. When I came back to my bed there as a report, with pictures, on my bed, BUT NO DOCTOR!!! Nurse came to walk me out, told me to call in two weeks, but I stopped him, and he sat me down. This is what I said to the nurse/practitioner: "Please understand that I have had 3 malignant tumors removed from my body. I look at these pictures (of the polyps) and kind of freak. How do we know they are "probably fine?" He heard me, bless his heart, and went on to explain that the doctor must have felt they looked fine, but no pathology is complete without the report. I NEVER SAW THE DOCTOR. I thought about kicking up a dust storm, but figured he was doing the next procedure (busy, busy) and he would just give me the tap dance of call me in 2 weeks. . . Coming home I questioned my decision to go with that medical group--I had been there once before and was not impressed. But my primary felt I should be at the same hospital as all my other tests. I guess warm and fuzzy isn't needed when you are looking at people's tushies all day. By the time I got home I was calmer. It is what it is what it is, right? And that's why I had the procedure to begin with--get anything out that doesn't belong. Just wish the report wasn't in such full color. And yes, I need to hear good polyp stories. thanks gail

funny you should post that . . . I saw an interview Joel Siegel had done, and they showed it after his death. he remarked that he didn't have a colonoscopy until age 53, and the doctors told him if he had it at 50, they would have caught it. I told his sweet image that I was scheduling, and I am going in two days on FRIDAY! 51 is close to 50--right??? And I may shed a few pounds right??? And I will survive no solid food for 24 hours? I have my ativans handy in case I go into m & m withdraw Thanks Andrea for reminding us all! And thanks for those terrific pictures! gail

My answer is do NOT back down!!!! There are other doctors and other opinions! Go with your gut. gail

Of COURSE you got scared!! Been there for sure! Why I fell in love with this site was because I could remain hidden. I could be on the site and read without anyone knowing who I was. Be sure she knows the site address, and maybe in the middle of the night when she can't sleep, (and I had more than a few of those nights) she may start reading. Or print up some of the stories for her to read. Regardless of what she choses to do, you need a soft place to fall, and we are here. gail

So Kaffie, you are telling me there is a light at the end of the tunnel we call raising boys??? gail

Of course you are scared--terrified even. As I was 6 YEARS AGO and many others were at diagnosis. This is the place to turn for help and support. This is an amazing place, so we are here to assist. gail PS My son (in picture) was 7 when I was first diagnosed in 1993 with breast cancer. My 10th wedding anniversary was celebrated during radiation. My son is now 21, and next year will be our 25th wedding anniversary.

Keep sending those pictures!!! I remember your wedding pictures! So I need to watch your babies grow. gail

I have been in therapy since June 2001, 2 months after my surgery. As this was my third cancer in 8 years, I knew in my heart that I needed help. And help I got. Many, many sessions were spent in tears, mainly to deal with the fear of the disease. I learned to share my soul with those close to me. Through the 6 years I learned how to deal with traumas, whether cancer related or teenager related I learned how to build a support network around me, and when conflicts occured, usually in my head, I was able to work through the ordeal rather than bury it. I learned to "compartmentalize". I used to wonder if/when I would ever be able to exist with the help of the therapist. I know now I have the tools to handle the stressors that occur in that thing called life. Dealing with a teenager/college student who seemed to attract trouble, and losing my Jake dog have not been easy, but I no longer withdraw and hide. Therapy has been an integral part of my recovery. I am ready to be released and will carry these tools with me. gail

Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. gail

So very sorry for your loss gail

I have been waiting! Thanks so much! How very precious gail

Your story hits on so many points. Your father will be there at the wedding--you know that. thanks for sharing your heart gail

I hear your frustration loud and clear. I did not turn to therapy until the third cancer, and I'm sorry it took me so long. It was a safe place to fall. And cry. Don't hospices offer grief therapy? gail

You guys are all so sweet. Those of you who have lost your loved ones, I cannot imagine what your day to day is like. I had my dog for 13 years and know how very lucky my family was. today is my first day home without the dear pooch, and I cannot believe the feelings I am having. (I have managed some housework though) I made a sandwich for lunch and pretended he was there next to me, waiting for his treat. And I found myself saving my crusts for him. I know this will pass, this will pass, this will pass. On the good side, I had my two 13 year old nieces with me yesterday--they helped me in my classroom. the one niece lost her grandmother suddenly a year ago and I was able to spend some alone time with her. she doesn't realize what a treasure she was to me yesterday. I had bought a 20 pound bag of dogfood Saturday night, and never even opened it. the girls both put their arms around my shoulders as we walked into the store to return it. We ate a lot of junk food yesterdy Our line was "Jake died, lets have ice cream" It made me laugh. thanks guys again for allowing me to share here. My parents will both be 80 next year and I know what may come. gail PS found a very sweet website on pets passing . . . talked about them being in a "holding area" free of pain, happy and carefree, but knowing they are waiting for us. When we get to heaven, the pet will be there to greet us and together we will enter heaven. I liked that Love you guys

sorry for posting it here, since it doesn't involve LC, but the grief is heavy. We lost our Jake dog yesterday morning. He was 13, diabetic, and blinded by cateracts, but he still greeted us with a wag in his tail. We rushed him to the vet yesterday morning with labored breathing and inability to stand, and the dear boy took his last breath with both of us there. We are so grateful that he went on his own terms. I think of all of you grieving over deaths of your loved ones (people). gail

I can see your smile from here!!! Good news indeed! gail

It was the cleavege area that kind of slid over--not much but enough to burn! gail

Now remember--lung cancer 6 years ago, breast cancer 10 years ago, and first one now 14 years ago. You would think I was over this, but . . . Woke up sunday with a red rash on only real boob I have left. Didn't give it much thought at the time. When it was still there Sunday night, I started thinking more about it. Monday morning I noticed an itch, and thought about bug bites and cellulitis. Monday afternoon it hit me--Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Of course I researched on the Net--red rash and itching was a sympton. who to call? Internist or breast surgeon. I have been with the breast surgeon since before the first cancer--so I called the office. Doctor not available, should call on Tuesday. Before I called the internist went upstairs to show hubby. I told him it looked like sunburn, but where would I have gotten sunburn? His look said it all maybe you got sunburned on Saturday when we were out for the day and I had a new top on that kept sliding over my boob? That was it! A simple case of sunburn, because as I sit her now it is going away. Called the surgeon's office back to tell her. Told her when she retells this story in the office to speak well of me Reminded hubby that my attention to my body has allowed me to be a cancer survivor! And allowed myself a chuckle too gail

Awesome news!!! It is such a big milestone!!! Now, I am the one that always pampers myself on the anniversary day. I command you to get yourself a facial or a hot stone massage! gail