Tami

Val, I have to agree with Fay. I lost my mom 19 yrs ago I was in my early 20's and pregnant with my first child. The saddness I felt was worse than anything I could ever describe. I still haven't got over it. I miss her all the time. Sometimes I still think for a second.. Mom would like this or that, or that I'll just be able to talk to her. But the pains ebs and flows. I missed her like crazy when I delievered my other two kids, when I'm sick, when I'm in pain, when I'm scared. When I was fighting the LC. At the holidays... when I make a certain kind of cake. Things bring me to tears and my heart just aches for her. Other times it's not so bad. I think of her everyday. I think I always will but the gut wrenching pain, the emptiness, the "why my mom?" becomes less frequent. I think it will for you too, eventually. However it's a process.. don't rush it. There is no time line. My father just passed away too. So I've been brought back to that world of loss, pain and emptiness again. Plus the added bonus of realizing I'm an orphan now... sounds silly at my age but the feeling is still there. I know from experience to deal with the feelings as they come. Because it will get easier... Prayers and comfort for ((Val)) Tami

I agree... They kind of creeped me out! Is that one really a woman?? I know she appeared to be wearing a bathing suit top but even if you disregard her body she has a very "masculine" face. spooky...... and somewhat unsettling I think. Just what I needed this afternoon!

So glad you're back home... Nice to see your smiling face again. Hope that shoulder pain eases soon. Lot's of prayers coming your way. Keep us posted on your progress. Tami

I'm not 63 so I may have a little bit of a distorted perception. I'm younger than that but I would say push her a little. I know when I finished up my radiation (chemo/rads together) I was tired. More tired than you can even imagine is possible. One morning I went for scans at about 8:00 am then had my radiation immediately afterwards. Came home and I sat down on the couch and tilted my head back... I don't remember a thing again till my kids came home from school around 3:30. But I pushed myself too. I still got up, got dressed, took care of my kids. I'm afraid if you give in to it completely you will "take to your bed and stay there". I would acknowledge her fatigue it's very real but I wouldn't let her give in to it. I'd try to get her to get up and do somethings then maybe a nap, then some more things, nap etc. Good luck...

I'm glad you asked that question My dad died a couple of weeks ago (not LC related) but i miss him a lot. He also always carried a hanky (the bright red ones like the cowboys carried). Always hung out of his back pocket. I remeber as a kid that it was always there to wipe a dirty mouth, wrap around a dripping ice cream cone or wipe away the tears. Mom would wash them and iron them... I hadn't thought about that for a long time. Thanks for reminding me of some special memories.

I hate all that junk. I have my own way to deal with it although it's one of those situations where "you cut off your nose to spite your face" things. I have always had a mailbox where I grew up and the houses I've lived. when I moved 2 years ago I had to have a post office box. Which I hate, no make that double hate!!!! It so inconvenient to go way out of my way to stop there when I'm working 3 jobs. So this is how I deal... I go to the post office once a month. My box is jammed every month including a nasty note from the "postmistress" telling me to clean out my mailbox. But I only have to deal with it once a month. I trash the real junk right there (the occupant stuff) and the rest I take home and go through everything that day. It takes a while but then I'm done till next month. This is a huge pet peeve to me.. it is such a waste of time and money. I'd be happy if they just gave me my bills (okay I'd rather not have them but I accept them) and my Victoria Secret catalogs. Everything else they can keep!

TAnn, Many thoughts and prayers are coming your way. I hope that your doctor will give you some answers and that treatment will be the next step. I have a link to a website you might find interesting. I know it's not much but this is a doctor that treats this condition a bit differently than most. Might be interesting to read about his ideas at least?? http://www.creighton.edu/CancerCenter/L ... yCare.html Thinking of you!!! Tami

Pat, I'm so sorry... Brian is now in the arms of the Lord and I pray that you will feel his comforting spirit as well. His pain is over. Many prayers for you and the family during this difficult time. Tami

Kasey... I'm with you! Never have wrapping paper and even if I have some I always run out. they really need to put more on a roll!! Tape that's another story. I can never find the tape. Then it runs out. I've used masking tape, duct tape, and even a couple times hot glue when I was really desperate. Why do I always wait till eveyone goes to bed on Christmas eve to wrap the stuff?? I want to be like Kim when I grow up! I LOVE my tree! I collect Christmas ornaments. A couple are fancy but most are things my kids picked, 2 are from a craft show where a woman painted my kids likeness on christmas balls, some are from vacations but the absolute best are the Santa Balls. I have 4 of them; blue, red, yellow and green. Just little balls with pipe cleaner beards and faces on them. But my father gave them to my mother on their first christmas as a married couple so they are almost 60 yrs old!! My mom died years ago and my dad always put them on his tree. He gave them to me a few years ago and I treasure them. My father just passed away a couple of weeks ago and I miss him very much but I'll have those santa balls on my tree! My kids think I'm crazy to be so attached to my ornaments but they all hold so many memories. But what really gets them is "the order" Almost all of the balls have an order on the tree. The blue santa ball on the top, then my Rudolf Ball (my mom gave me) then the red santa ball etc. Everything in order of importance the whole way down the tree. It drives my kids crazy and when I'm not home they will mix them up to see if I notice. I always do!! Some of them have to be even (no one is more important than the others)all the way around the tree. You should see me trying to pick out the Christmas tree because the top has to be perfect with just the right amount of branches so that all the important ornaments can have their own branch. Can we say "obsessive compulsive??" But only about my Christmas tree! One things for sure every year after I'm gone my kids will always think of my everytime they decorate the tree!

Go Steelers... (I love the steelers my hubby roots for the Eagles!) Although I must admit I bleed Blue and White! Go Penn State!!!!!!

wonder why we remember the bittersweet things so much sometimes. Mine was in 1986. My mom had just passed away very recently and my sister and I took the reins that year. My 2 brothers, my sister, our families all gathered at my mom and dads each year for Thanksgiving. That thanksgiving was the first holiday without my mom. My sister and I cooked and we used the same dishes, the same recipes, the same everything but it was so terribly, terribly painful. To top it all off I was pregnant with my first child and due in February. We smiled, laughed and ate but nothing felt right and my Dad was more than sad. My mom was the light of my dad's life and you could tell that he was struggling. Finally at the end of the meal my dad broke down (the strongest most spiritual person I have ever know) and cried at the table. He told all of us that he was diagnosed with melanomia (skin cancer)and needed surgery the next day. He was struggling with his fears and also with the incredible saddness of missing my mom. He asked all of us to pray together for strength to get through the day, for his health to return and he cried out to God and begged him to please, please send us a gift so that we would be able to endure this first Christmas without my mom. Something that would lighten our hearts and remind us of her. It was the most profound and sincere prayer I have ever heard. Well the Lord does answer prayers and sometimes he uses people in ways we never dreamed. Wouldn't you know it a week later I went into premature labor about 9 weeks early and delievered a beautiful, black haired baby girl. A baby girl that wasn't due till February but the Lord knew we needed her now. She weighed 4 lbs 2 oz and was in perfect health however small... She came home from the hospital just in time for Christmas and then of course we needed to get presents and clothes, set up the furniture... so much to do. My daughter was named Merry (my mom's name was Mary) Noel (which means Christmas) so basically, Merry Christmas. It's amazing how a tearful Thanksgiving Day prayer could become such a wonderful Christmas gift.

Does this mean "I was looking for sex?"

Guilt Fear Anger Stress and Bras that just never seem to fit right...

John Travolta... Welcome back Kotter started it all when I was little. I still love him and the way he dances!

I'm on an HMO kind of thing.. I just go in and get the shots. They don't change me for a co-pay because I never "really" see the doctor. i just go in, wait, the nurse calls me back, I sit in a chair, get the shots and go. No office visit, no co-pay. I don't pay a thing. My insurance covers the cost of the shots, all shots infact under my medical plan. Free is good! Unless you are seeing your doctor I wouldn't think they would charge you a copay but I'd call and check too. Good Luck!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to! have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you read more. OKAY? Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now....what is the moral to this story? The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly

Jenny... the golfer movie is "Happy Gilmore" if you like Adam Sandler that's a classic. My 14yr old has watched it about 100 times it seems. I loved Napoleon Dynamite I thought it was the funniest thing. My husband didn't get it at all. My kids and I are constantly quoting the movie. As far as funny goes... my al time favorite is steve martin's "The Jerk" it's so stupid it's funny.

I would definately beat myself up over it. I try not to let it get the best of me but I hate living in a messy house and my house is always that way. I used to live in a big 2 story with lots of bedrooms and 3 baths BTD (before the divorce). Now we all jam in a little ranch with 2 bedrooms and 1 bath. So with 3 kids, 2 dogs and 4 cats, plus the two neighborhood kids that spend the night when their family is having "issues" we are pretty crowed with junk everywhere. I do vacuum everyday (pet hair) and I try, I really try to keep the house picked up... but when my kids say come rollerblading with us mom I just shut the door and say the heck with it! Although whenever someone visits I always feel bad that the house doesn't look nice... I just try to confirm them to one room!!!

My heart goes out to you in this horrible and unfair situation. I pray that your mom will strengthen and be there for you and your new baby. I hate what cancer does!! Just hate it! I do want to share with you that my mother passed away while I was pregnant with my first child... It was horrible and the saddest thing in my life. But... my daughter will turn 19 in December (same month for you it sounds) and she is the image, the everything of my mother. I know that sounds crazy, and while I believe that my mom is watching over us I also know that I was given a wonderful gift as she said goodbye. My mother had a very dark complexion with dark brown eyes. She was this tiny little spitfire of strong willed energy. I am fair, with green eyes, my husband (first, now ex) is also fair with blue eyes. My daughter was born with a dark complexion and huge brown eyes. She has long very dark hair and she is the spitting image of my mother. Not just by her looks but also her mannerisms... the way she hold her head, the way she walks. She is a 5'0", 96lb, strong willed little engine that could!! The two are so alike it is scary especially when they never met. Right down to liking the same colors and similar foods. Even though it is so painful, even now and I miss her more than anything, I see her everyday in my daughter. As I said I pray that your mom will grow stronger and welcome with you your new baby. Hopefully the Zometa will work and the two of you will have many more days to enjoy together.

I'm with Donna on this one!! Prays for a Cure and quick recovery! I'll be hanging with the rest of the group at the Pub waiting for ya!

Good luck with everything... never a dull moment is there with some folks!! I love the pic too! Your mom looks great! She reminds me of Paula Deen the woman that has the cooking show on the food network.. very vibrant and healthy looking. (my husband "forces" me to watch Paula's show on Sundays hoping it will inspire me to be a good cook! NEVER going to happen...though. I'm waiting around for our LCSC cookbook maybe that will do the job)

Good luck with everything... never a dull moment is there with some folks!! I love the pic too! Your mom looks great! She reminds me of Paula Deen the woman that has the cooking show on the food network.. very vibrant and healthy looking. (my husband "forces" me to watch Paula's show on Sundays hoping it will inspire me to be a good cook! NEVER going to happen...though. I'm waiting around for our LCSC cookbook maybe that will do the job)

I told this story before but the one "specialist" I was sent to see (because I was a stage IV, inoperable) this guy was new and specialized in precision surgery. I was FINALLY referred to him after many requests. Anyway, he told me he thought all my previous CT scans etc were done by "hick" hospitals and that I had cancer elsewhere, probably several other places, in my body. (not just my left side) He ordered a PET scan through HIS hospital and then he said. "If this scan lights up ANYWHERE else in your body then you are TERMINAL and NOT WORTH MY TIME." that was it... he would talk with me after my PET scan. I had a 2 1/2 hr drive home from that appointment all alone. I was single with 3 small children at home. It was without a doubt the cruelest thing I could ever imagine anyone saying to someone. I would love to see that man again now years later and just spit in his face. He may be a great surgeon but he is a horrible human being... I'm so sorry that happened to you... I pray that you will get some more professional doctors on your side and your mom will kick cancers butt!!!

PIZZA!!!!! My choice would be pizza hut, pan with extra cheese. Love it, love it! Plus if I eat one piece that usually satisfys my cravings. Although I do love the bread sticks too... and those little cinnamon sticks with icing Life is good sometimes... ya know!

I feel for you and I would also be hurt but some people just don't look at it the way we do I guess. To him he may not see the "urgency" (even if it had been years) it may just be too big of a decision or he may just want to forget about it for a while. I'm not trying to give him an excuse just maybe trying to imagine where he's coming from. That being said I would also want closure. I think if I were in the same situation this is what I would do. I don't know how far away you are but if you have to find someone in his area I would go to the cemetary or "headstone place" and pick out say two that I liked shape wise.. and get the price. I would take a phot of each and then bring them both to him. I would show them to him, explain to him what you would like on the stone and tell him the price. I would ask his opinion on the shape and the message, very sweetly, then make a decision. I would then tell him that you plan to order the stone by the end of the week. I would ask him if he would like to give you a check (cash credit card or come with you when you order it) to take to pay for the stone or you will purchase it yourself. then it is done. There is no reason he should be insulted... you asked his opinion, you talked about what to do and you gave him the OPTION of paying for it. If he is insulted he'll get over it long before the stone wears out-- if you know what I mean. Some people are just eternal procrastinators, some just can't deal with issues like this and maybe to him it's just not that important. you can't make him do it but you can consult him and give him the opportunity to do it with you. In the end your mom will have her stone which is what's important to YOU. That's all that really matters in the long run.