Angie Daughter of Bill

Oh Sharon!! I read your post yesterday but just couldn't respond. My heart just sank when I read the title of your post. I have always compared "notes" with you and how your Dad was doing. Our Dad's seemed to be on the same path many times. I'm so sorry. Truly sorry! At our last appointment, after finding out about how much Dad's cancer had progressed (adrenal glands, brain, lungs, etc.), Dad said to the oncologist that his time was probably getting limited. The oncologist replied, "Very limited. Extremely limited." My heart just sank. For some reason, I thought of you and your Dad. I wondered how he was doing. I was hoping that he was doing better than my Dad. I can't say that I know how you feel.........no one knows exactly how you feel. I can say that I know it is hard. Very hard. Sharon, if there is anything I can do, please let me know. Also, please let your Dad know that he has been such an inspiration to me!!! He was diagnosed in 2001!! What an amazing fighter is he! He has always been my hope that my Dad would make it through this. I feel as if I know your Dad just by your posts. Please give him my love. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie Sorry I rambled through this..........I just couldn't find the words that I really wanted to say.

Jimben Wonderful News!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you. You DESERVED a break!! After you have that steak, maybe you could take that sweet-faced little grandson of yours on a fishing trip. I'm sure that he would be all for it. Enjoy this news.........CELEBRATE!!!!!! Thank you Lord for a prayer answered!! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

So good to hear from you! I remember that Bob and my Dad started radiation to the spine right at the same time. Dad had his last treatment on Friday. We thought we were finished with radiation for a while, but nooooooooo, Dad had some pesky brain mets to show up on his CT. So on the last day of his radiation to the spine, he had his first whole brain radiation treatment. Glad to hear that Bob's pain was pretty much taken care of. The radiation to the spine did it for Dad also. He went from taking Oxycontin 40mg twice daily with Lortab 7.5 four or five times a day, to taking only Lortab 7.5 about four times a day. Much better now. Wishing Bob, Jo and your family the best. How honored Bob and Jo must be to have such a caring friend. If we don't "see" you again before Christmas........MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Ry How special!! Ya' know, I'm sure that Kaitlyn is a great kid......but it's only because she has great parents! Happy birthday to the "Jillinater", too!! I happen to have an eight year old surprise myself. Greatest surprise gift I have ever received..........she's like the energizer bunny...........she just keeps giving and giving and giving............. I hope that Kaitlyn enjoys her day!! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Oops!!! With all of the bad news and dr.'s appointments, I forgot this. I will TRY to get some recipes together for you. Can you give me a couple of days? Also, can you please send me a PM to remind me. Nothing long or dramatic, just, "Hey dingbat, I need your recipes!!" I check my e-mail a few times a day, but don't always have time to check the boards. If I see that I have a PM, I do check that. Your message sitting there in my inbox will be a reminder for me to get on the ball. By the way, I LOVE to cook. Like Karen, I just "do" stuff and don't follow a recipe most of the time. However, I do have LOTS of good recipes. I love to cook, but I don't like to type, hence my procrastinating on this. (mostly 'cause I'm not a real speedy typer) Angie

Katha, Best of luck, hon. You know much I was looking forward to helping you. As I told you on the phone, I just can't leave Dad since he got soooo much bad news this week. I hope the dough rolls in for LCSC. Angie P.S. I hope Pamela and her son made it to help you out.

O.k..........I'm going to give you a course in Santa 101. Of course Katie doesn't NEED any toys..........Santa is about fulfilling WANTS. (Totally kidding.........that is actually a very personal choice) I can't think of a single thing that my kids NEED, maybe a couple of church dresses. Something that we do every year at Christmas..........it's called Operation Christmas and it's headed up by Sumaritan's Purse. You take a shoe box, wrap the top and bottom seperately, pick an age group, choose boy or girl, then you fill it with small presents. These boxes are delivered all over the world. My girls have a lot of fun picking out presents. Plus, when they realize that the box is probably all that child is going to get for Christmas..........well, it does make them stop and be thankful. That's something I NEVER want them to forget. Another thing that we do is Adopt an Angel. Our town has Christmas trees set up in stores all over town. There are paper ornament angels with children's names and a few things they would like to have for Christmas. These gifts go to foster children. All during the shopping for the Angel, I'm talking to the girls about how children end up in foster homes, etc. Yet another thing for them to be thankful for. I know that Katie is young, but she is soooooo smart for her age. Maybe she would enjoy doing something like that this year. (If you can swing it) Curtis, just make it the very best Christmas you can. I know that will make it one to remember for Katie. Angie P.S. I loved that you e-mailed your brother to get his size. That is just like something I would do. DUH!!!!! Oh yeah, take it easy on the e-harmony women..........they probably aren't used to a wild man like you!!!!!

Sorry guys. I didn't mean to make you all cry. (although I was pretty sure most of you would since I cried like a big baby when I read it) The tears that I shed were different though. They were tears of thankfulness. Sometimes we just need to be reminded to be thankful. (or at least I do) Glad you all enjoyed it. And Lillyjohn, I am REALLY glad that you found some peace and comfort from it. I knew that you was going to have a rough day. Love to all! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

It does seem like that bad news comes in bunches around here, huh? Whatever is going on, I sure hope it turns around soon. Angie

Dearest Elaine, I know that any time something seems out of the ordinary, it is scary. Please try not to get upset. (I know, it's easier said than done) Maybe the tech just didn't a good picture of the adrenal glands or something like that. If you need me, you have my phone number. Use it sweetie. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Well shoot!!! Lisa, I am so sorry that you are dealing with the fear of the unknown with your Mom right now. Believe me, I am walking in those shoes right now with Dad. Scary, huh? Hopefully the antibiotics will take care of whatever is showing up on your Mom's scan. Maybe it will be nothing. It just HAS to be nothing. I am certainly inclined to praying...........all hours of the day and night here lately. You and your family will certainly be remembered. Take a deep breath.............If you need me, I am here. You can PM me anytime. I will even send you my phone number if you would like. You just let me know what you need, o.k.? In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Awwwwww, Curtis. I know that this is going to be a difficult time for you. Heck, it was difficult for me to put our tree up and my Dad is still here. (Dad says this will be his last Christmas........that's what made it so hard.) I know that Becky is sooooo proud of you. You are doing things just right. As you said, Katie's enthusiam will carry you. Has Santa finished his shopping??? In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Hello all! I am sure that you are all getting tired of my whining and my whimpy attitude this week.......but again, I have bad news and I just can't help the whining. Dad's medical oncologist's nurse called me this afternoon just as she had promised she would. She gave me the short version of Dad's scan results. (so we wouldn't be blind sided at tomorrow's appt. when the oncologist tells all) It seems that the primary lung tumor has begun to grow again. There is a couple of new tumors in that lung. In the right lung, the previous scan showed a 5mm tumor. That one has increased in size also. There are tumors on the right and left adrenal gland. The nurse named off at least 6 brain tumors..........they are in all areas of the brain. After the last one she name off, she said, "Well, there are just several." She said that as if there were more. I also think she said that there were tumors in his liver. The reason I'm not sure of the exact number or brain mets or about the liver is because I was crying so hard on the phone. The nurse asked if I wanted her to stop. I told her, "No. I need to know." I heard, but I didn't really process what she was saying by the time she got around to the liver and brain. *sigh* The nurse then said, "Basically, it looks as if the cancer has spread everywhere." *big sigh* I sat down and talked with Dad about the scans. Poor guy. His words were, "Well, I got the feeling that it's like we're just putting out a bunch of blazing fires." That struck a chord with me. I told Dad that he was exactly right. That if a fire is not watched, it will get out of hand. If you don't put water on the fire, it will get out of hand.(like putting chemo on the cancer cells) If you do nothing, the fire will eventually take over. I told Dad to grab his water hose and put on his rubber boots 'cause we're going to put out some fires! It got a little chuckle out of him anyway, silly as it was. On the brighter side.........the Decadron has done wonders for Dad. He actually asked me if I wanted to go out and eat lunch. We did go eat together and it was wonderful. (wonderful because he was actually eating AND he was out of the house for something other than treatment) Dad starts WBR tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. His rad.onc. saw him immeiately after his radiation to the spine this morning. They made Dad's WBR mask and everything today. Pretty awesome group of doctors, huh? (well, it wasn't like I gave them a choice) I have been praying so hard for some good news. It doesn't seem like we're going to get any good news any time soon. I know that God doesn't put more on one than that person can handle............I'm flattered.......God must think that I am one heck of a woman. Gotta' run and tuck my kiddos in. Love to all!! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

O.K. troops, I need a bit of advice from those who have had brain mets. The little that I know...........whole brain radiation is a booger! I know that there is conflicting views on the treatment of brain mets. If there are 4-6 mets, a lot of doctors say NOT to do WBR..........just radiate the mets. John, Fay A., Oncodoc......any of you who have researched WBR vs. spot radiation, please let me know your thoughts. I just don't have the strength, courage or energy to research this morning. Any info would be appreciated. Also, those who have had WBR, what side effects did you have? (short and long term side effects) I want to go in to the doctor's office armed with a little info. Thanks in advance. Love to all! Angie

Just when I was wondering if God is REALLY paying attention to what is going on with me and my Dad, I get the e-mail below. I thought that it might strike a chord with others like it did with me. After reading this, I am very thankful. Angie P.S. This came from a Christian website called Mountain Wings. ************************************************************* Thanks for What? ================ It's not an easy task to find yourself heading into the holidays when there's little joy in your life. It had been a bad year. One that would be remembered for the loss of two loved ones. A year that saw financial despair and job loss. Then there were the health issues. Not everyday concerns but life threatening attacks. Nothing, but nothing went right. Still, the family gathered as always for the Thanksgiving Day feast. They came from all around the country to share once more in what was always a beautiful family tradition. The setting was the same as always at Grandma's house. Aunt Ester would bring her famous sweet potatoes. Uncle Joe would play the piano in the great room. Mom would set the table while Dad...well Dad would watch football. Aunts and Uncles, brothers and sisters would hug that warm loving embrace that says it's been much too long. Or would they? "It's really not the same without her here," someone said. Uncle Peter pretended not to hear it and continued on with an almost believable smile on his face. "Do you remember when George would tell that funny story about his first Thanksgiving turkey?" "It was really not that funny, but to hear George tell it. You laughed because of him!" There was an uneasy silence in the room. "Time for dinner!" Grandma announced. One by one each of them took their place at the table. There was an awkward moment when they discovered the two empty seats where they always sat. "Maybe it's time for Sissy and Jack to move up to the big table," someone said. "Yes, come sit here next to me," Uncle Peter motioned. "I could use some company right now." "Okay, everyone bow your heads for Grace," Grandma told them. "Lord, we are gathered here once again in thanks for all your blessings. We are grateful to you for the bounty of this feast and for the family we share it with. Amen." It was now the tradition of this family to take the time to share one thing they were each thankful for from the past year. "Who would like to go first?" Grandma asked. There was silence. An uncomfortable moment that most everyone dreaded this year. "Come, now. Who will start?" Jack, now the youngest one there at the grown up table rose to his feet and tried to slip away. Jack had lost his mother just a few weeks earlier after a long struggle with cancer. "Jack, you have not asked to be excused," Grandma said sharply. "Perhaps you would like to begin?" Oh, this was a tough moment. Grandma deserved the respect of a young man, but stirred in him a fire that only youth enjoy. "Thanks? For what?" he said sharply. "Thanks for taking my mom? Thanks for Uncle Dan losing his job and having to sell his house? Thanks for the cancer that has taken all too many lives?" he said with anger in his voice. "Thanks for what?" Most of the adults sat quietly with their heads lowered. Some struggled to hold back tears. It was a difficult time and no one there went unaffected by the loss and tragedies of this past year. Then suddenly a small voice could be heard. "Thanks for the love." Heads raised slowly. Looking around the room to see who had spoken, you could hear the rattle of the dishes and the scraping of the chairs against the floor as some repositioned themselves to get a better look. "Who said that?" Grandma said softly. Nervously the young child raised his hand and could barely be seen in the far corner of the room. It was the children's table, occupied this year by only two. The others had been promoted to fill the vacancies at the adult table. "Jacob, please stand up," Grandma urged. "Tell us again. What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?" "I am thankful for the love. You can lose a job. God can call all of us home. What will always remain is the love. The love. I'm thankful for the love." The stillness in the room was unsettling. "I'm thankful for you Jacob," someone said. "Well, I'm thankful for...ever having your mom in my life. Even if only for such a brief time," Jack's father said. "I'm thankful for the memories," someone else added. "I'm thankful for the chance to start over with a new career," Uncle Dan said. "I'm thankful for cranberry sauce!" the little child yelled out. Everyone was laughing. Jack returned to his seat as he listened to the others announce what they were thankful for. "My golf score!" "My new dress." "My trip to the Grand Canyon last summer with our neighbors. It was awesome!" Finally it went full circle right back to Jack. There was a sudden hush in the room as everyone waited to see if he would join in. Then looking up, with tears in his eyes Jack said, "Thanks for being my Mom!" Family rushed to his side and surrounding him they hugged, kissed and held his hands. "Let's eat!" Grandma said. The young man in the corner whispered, "See, God? Thanks for the love." ~by Bob Perks, http://www.bobperks.com~

A couple of days ago I felt as if my heart was breaking. Well, it's official......my heart is broken. I took Dad to get his scans this afternoon. The tech asked us to wait to be sure that all of the CT's (brain, chest and abdomen) turned out o.k. (seemed rather strange to me........they never do that) We were then instructed to go straight up to the medical oncologist's office. Dad's oncologist sat down, put one hand on my shoulder and one hand on Dad's knee and informed us that the disease has progressed to his brain. I asked how many mets........the oncologist didn't have the final reading. (the radiologist called up to let our doctor know about the mets) All that we were told was that there are "several areas of disease in the brain". SEVERAL! Not one or a couple..........but several! They immediately took Dad over to the treatment area and gave him IV Decadron. The doctor did say that there was significant swelling in the brain. (wonder WHY he never had a headache if there is significant swelling in the brain?) My Dad is so upset. Bless his poor heart. He of course is fearing the unknown. He is sooooo afraid to lose his mental capacities. My Dad has not cried throughout this journey........not once.......until tonight that is. He cried almost the whole way home from the oncologist. (and that's about an hour) I somehow held it together to encourage him and let him know that we have fought for so long and we are going to continue fighting. We are scheduled for his radiation to the spine tomorrow. The oncologist said that hopefully the radiation oncologist will have the reports in the morning and will see us to discuss whole brain radiation. (if Dad wants to do that) When I got home, I went straight to my room. I went with the intent to have a "meltdown". The tears wouldn't flow. I'm just too numb. Totally numb. Just when we thought things were looking up.........only two more radiation treatments to the spine.........starting Alimta Friday........how fast our course changed. We are now holding the chemo it seems. (that doesn't sound good to me) I'm so scared to get the rest of the scan results. Please remember us and hold us up in prayer. I'm just not sure how much longer I can hold it together. I HATE CANCER!!! (but I love all of you!) Bittersweet, huh? I have come to love so many of you, yet the reason that brought us all together is just devastating. By the way........did I mention I HATE CANCER??!!!! Angie

Hello and welcome!! I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have no personal experience with the brain mets as my Dad has not had that happen, but there are MANY here who have had brain mets, had radiation and are now doing great! There is reason for hope. As far as not knowing the type of cancer, etc..........has your sister in law had a biopsy done? If so, they should be able to tell her what type of NSCLC it is. She might have to ask. Some oncologist offer lots of info while others, well you have to pick things out of them. As someone mentioned, she would be a stage IV since it has moved outside the lung. My Dad has Stage IV squamous cell. It will be one year in January since his diagnosis. All in all he is doing pretty good. He did have a REALLY bad week last week. Turns out he was dehydrated. He got some IV fluids and is feeling a bit better now. Please stick around and let us hold your hand through this. It's a difficult road to walk, but when someone is walking with you, it's not as bad. In my thoughts and prayers~~~~ Angie P.S. Your sister in law and I are southern neighbors. I am in the extreme northest corner of Alabama. (about 30 miles from the state line of TN) What part of TN does your sister live in? If you want to send me a personal message, feel free. (there is a button below posts that will send a personal message to someone.........took me a while to figure out the site.)

Sorry dear, I don't know diddly about large and small cell combined. I just wanted you to know that I have just added someone else to my long list of people I pray for. (The Big Man probably wonders if I'm EVER going to be finished praying ) I'm sorry that you have a family friend who is going through this. It is rough, huh? We have a family friend who had a heart transplant. He is NOT doing well at all. On the brighter side of things, I did a fundraiser luncheon for the family and also sold chances on a homemade quilt...................I was able to raise $1305.00 for the family! I kow that's just a drop in the bucket to what they probably need, but I'm not finished yet. I am one determined woman when I set my mind to something. Maybe you could post in the Ask the Experts forum and get some info from Dr.Joe. ))))Bumping this make to the top in hopes that someone who can help will see it. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Hey there birthday girl!! You know, I had no idea that you was nearing 60. You act soooo young. That's the key I think. Age is just a number. I'm glad that you was able to have a fun day with friends and family. Here's looking at 61........ In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Sandy I'm not even going to tell you to NOT get upset. (that would be like the pot calling the kettle black) It could be nothing and that is what I am praying for. Please let us know how things turn out. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

I took Dad for radiation on his spine and hip today. Before we got there, I called ahead to say that we would be seeing the doctor today. (see, if you say we ARE going to see the doctor instead of CAN we see the doctor, it doesn't give them an option ) Saw the radiation oncologist, actually his associate who handles symptoms, side effects, etc. when the radiation onc. is out of the office. He seemed pretty sure that Dad had some degree of dehydration. When he did the little "skin pinchy thingy" (don't you love my technical terms??), Dad's skin was slightly sluggish to snap back. Not too bad though. So from there we are sent upstairs to see the medical oncologist. He suspected dehydration also. (not bad he said) His words were, "We're going to hydrate you, but I suspect that some of the things you are experiencing are tumor related." (read progression of the disease ) Oh yeah, Dad had lost nine pounds in a little less than two weeks. That's 21 pounds in about seven weeks. NOT good. Not good at all. We thought that the fluid would only take 30 minutes or so. WRONG! There was potassium in that bag of fluids. It had to be infused slowly......over four hours. My Dad was fit to be tied after the first two hours. Actually, he got down right rude. (rudeness is waaaay out of character for my Dad) When the nurse came to check on him, she asked if he was o.k. He said that NO he wasn't o.k. His back was hurting and he pretty much felt like sh** and he was ready to go home. Of course she said that he needed to finish the fluids. He snapped back that he "COULD REFUSE THE FLUIDS". Poor nurse. I went over and talked to her after I got Dad settled. I explained just how bad he was feeling and how long we had been there. We were at the cancer center from 8AM until 3:30PM. What a tiring day for Dad. (and myself) Dad is getting an MRI of the brain, a chest CT and abdominal CT on Wednesday. He will be getting the results on Friday. Of course he still has radiation treatments to complete every day this week also. Poor thing. So for now, there is hope that he was dehydrated and he will feel better in a day or two. But, the oncologist was pretty clear that he thought some of this was due to progression of the disease. I will let you all know what we find out. Please continue to remember my family in your prayers. Much love to all!! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

You and your hubby will be in my prayers as always. Hope he makes a speedy recovery. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie

Thank you Don!! Truly from the bottom of my heart I thank you. I do think of how well Lucie has done. It gives me hope. I just wish that my Dad would get a little hope in his heart. He feels bad. He now feels like he has cancer. Although he is willing to go through treatments, he has lost all hope in his heart. That's the really hard part. It's so hard to see him this way. I can't begin to imagine how HE must be feeling. Geesh.........today I can turn a simple thank you note in to a whole soap opera! Sorry 'bout that, Don! Love to you and yours!! Angie

Well guys, I've held this in as long as I could........My heart is breaking right now.........in a million pieces. Every single day it seems that my Dad is feeling worse. He is sooooooo tired. He is getting radiation to the T12 and left hip. We were advised that he might get *slightly* tired. Well, he is barely able to get out of the bed. (This is the same man who breezed through six rounds of Carbo/Taxol) Dad has been dizzy for the past three or four weeks. One time to the point that he fell down and scratched himself all over! About three weeks ago, Dad lost his appetite. We got Megace to increase his appetite. To this day, it has done nothing for his appetite. Yesterday, another new symptom. He says that he feels like he can't swallow..........not like a radiation burn, but like the muscles in his throat aren't working and won't allow him to swallow. Anything heavier than ice cream gets him strangled. Now to today......Dad has felt TERRIBLE all day long. I have taken his BP several times today. The lowest reading was 75/53. The highest was 85/63. I want to call the doctor RIGHT NOW. Dad wants to wait until in the morning. (he has a radiation treatment in the morning) This is all just tearing me apart. So many new symptoms, so few days. Is my Dad nearing the end? Oh, I just can't think about that. I put up my Christmas tree yesterday. Normally this is a fun time for me, my hubby and the girls. My Dad usually sits back watching and giving directions on where we need to put what. This year, he stayed in the bed. He got up one time and said, "Babe, this will probably be the last Christmas that we have together.) I just wanted to run to my room like I did when I was a little girl and cry my eyes out. But with age comes responsibility, huh? Instead of crying in my room, I listened to Dad. I told him that we were going to have the best Christmas ever. I told him that this Christmas, we are certainly going to remember the true meaning of Christmas. This is sooooo hard!! Well, there is so much more that I would like to say, but I fear that I have rambled on waaaay too long. (If you read this far, thank you! ) Please know that I think of you each and every day. In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie P.S. This whole post is just my random thoughts...........I know I rambled on and skipped from one thing to the next........it's just some things that I needed to get off my chest.

Don and Lucie, Well, a bone met to the skull sounds better than a brain met to me. Either way, I'm sure that Lucie will come through with flying colors. You both continue to be in my prayers. Much love to you and yours! In my thoughts and prayers~~~ Angie