Elaine
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Posts posted by Elaine
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Playing House
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.
The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Stevie, wanna play house?"
He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate."
He says to her, "That word is too big. I have no idea what it means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
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You Might Be A Democrat If...
You think "ethics" is an eastern European country.
You've named your kids with hyphenated first and last names.
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people
were only willing to redistribute their wealth.
You've ever referred to someone as a "bigot or Nazi".
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a married man.
You oppose the death penalty, but support abortion.
You don't support school choice for others, only for yourself.
You think you might remember laughing once as an adult and
feeling guilty about it.
You once broke loose at a party and inhaled, but don't admit it.
You support diversity, as long as others agree with you.
You've referred to moral fiber thinking it was a new man made
textile.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "you hypocrite".
You've ever said, "the Bill Of Rights is outdated".
You answer to "No One".
You support PETA and Green Peace, but still eat beef, fish, lamb,
and wear leather garments.
You protest your neighbor clearing their yard of weeds.
You only let your kids watch PBS and listen to NPR.
You scream at the thought of agreeing with a Republican.
You've argued that Western values are no values.
You agree that all the world's problems can be traced back to
white Anglo-Saxon men taking advantage of others.
When people say "Marx," you think, "to bad his idea didn't work".
You've ever yelled, "capitalist".
You still wear the Birkenstocks you purchased in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 laws to control guns.
You really think that guns kill people. Not people kill people.
You want to protest something but don't know what.
You've ever said "I support civil liberties, but not personal
liberties."
You will not admit that trees are a renewable resource.
You've ever said "reduce paper, save a tree".
You donate money because it makes you "feel good".
You came of age in the '60s and don't understand what went wrong.
You justify lying cheating Democrats because Republicans lie and
cheat.
You ever start or end an argument on the phrase, "you are closed
minded".
You never told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash
can" because he chooses to do so.
You think denial is a virtue.
You don't mind contributing 4 months of your salary to the
government. You're only sorry it can't be more.
You believe that everyone else is responsible for you but you.
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You Might Be A Republican If...
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people
were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic
minority here) friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to
welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck,
they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons
of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch
it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse
Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western
values."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks
your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of
racism in America.
You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You're afraid of the liberal media."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition
dictates...."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can
because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their
bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
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Einstein, Picasso & Bush
George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.
The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for his credentials.
Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women; he captures their essence with but a few strokes of the chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George W. Bush.
Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
G. W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
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President Clinton got together with some of his golf buddies for a round. When they got ready to tee off on hole number one, Clinton removed his golf jacket and revealed that he had a pair of panties stuck to his upper left arm.
Nobody in the group had enough balls to ask about it, so they played their eighteen holes as usual.
When the game was completed, and drinks were flowing profusely at the "19th hole," one of the group got enough Jack Daniels courage and asked, "Mr. President, what's the story on those panties you have stuck to your left arm?"
Clinton replied, "It's a patch ... I'm trying to quit."
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But here's another George W Joke....
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
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During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 3 questions":
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 5 questions":
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist
attack of all times?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. Where's Bobby?
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1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but
don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their
statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the
country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA
to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the
country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat
on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the
country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is
a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all
that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be
illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but
need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
store.
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Here I go again, offending people. Not sure these are funny as I see a lot of truth in them. I promise to find something to offset this, that makes fun of Democrats/liberals. Darn, wish Larry were still here to defend his side! Miss you Larry, if you see this.
Things Republicans Believe
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
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Angie,
I am glad to hear you are getting to the bottom of this. Lots of prayers headed your way.
love and fortitude
elaine
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Karen
I am sorry I am late here, but you are always in my prayers.
love and fortitude
elaine
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Cat,
Hoping to hear from you soon. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
love and fortitude
elaine
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Just from reading the boards, and not based on any personal experience, I would have to say that the pain meds are not working and that your father should contact a pain management Dr. This is a relatively new specialty area and pain relief is possible in almost 100 percent of cases. There are stronger medicines available. Your father may have developed a resistance to the meds he is on.
I am sorry to hear that the cancer has spread and that he is in pain.
I will keep your father, you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
love and fortitude
elaine
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A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts
searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"
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An old man in Pennsylvania is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a **Word not allowed** willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
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Why Pumpkins are better than Men
1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to
greet you with a smile.
3. One usually makes a better pie.
4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!
5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up
another face.
6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw
him out.
7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush
filled head to begin with.
8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to
be.
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Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating ®
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your
balanceand fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not
wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't
remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of
restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't
dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a
walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
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Fishing VS Reading
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes a law enforcement officer in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't it obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the officer.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment."
The Officer says, "Have a nice day."
Moral of the story: Don't mess with a woman who reads. She may also be able to think.
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Excuse me if this info has already been posted. This concerns a test that can be done to see if a patient is likely to respond to Iressa. If so, Iressa can be used as first line therapy.
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Interesting lecture on the newest in cancer research.
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I found the page--
There are several slide shows/audio presentations on this page that relate to Iressa.
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Nina and everyone
I am having trouble relocating the presentation, too. I will go back and search for it again and post the proper link when and if I find it!
Sorry about this.
elaine
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There is an extremely informative slideshow from the ASCO 2004 meeting
available online. Go to Best of Asco and listen to the online presentation (no cost) at www.Asco.org. The speaker explains who is likely to benefit from Iressa and summarizes three important studies of Iressa.
Smartest Man In America?????
in JUST FOR FUN
Posted
LOL, I know in the real world, George would have grabbed the school bag!