Elaine

All I can do is echo Ginny. I know must be so sad, but I hope you find out soon what the next steps will be. Keeping you all in my thoughts. elaine

Welcome. I know you would rather not be here, but there are lots of good people here who can answer questions and lend an ear. love and fortitude elaine

TANN Thanks for sharing this. Your son so obviously loves you dearly. elaine

Give Joel my best. I hope what's ailing him is fixable. love and fortitude elaine

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Hang on to your memories. They will help you t hrough. love and fortitude elaine

I think she had her results today, and I haven't heard from her. Hope she is out doing normal things. Thinking of you. elaine

I guess I misspoke when it came to "short leash." I meant I didn't impose lots of needless restrictions on them, but I DID keep communication open and knew lots about their friends. They had restrictions, don't get me wrong. But not silly ones like I had as a kid--no school dances until I was 16? So by the time I was 16 I sure wasn't interested in school dances, if you know what I mean.... It was harder with my son becuase he wasnt as open about things. elaine

I also agree with Ry. I taught freshmen for many years and learned one BIG thing from them (plus many other things) and that is this: those kids who had the shortest leashes in high school went the craziest in college. Not all, for sure, but a lot of them did go wild and some flunked out and got in a whole lot of trouble. It does depend on the kid, I'm sure. My daughter doesn't smoke and never had friends who did. My son does and he had friends who did. Neither of them got in much trouble. None that I know of. And their leashes were pretty long when it came to most things. Responsibility is something that is to be nurtured from within not imposed from without, IMO. My son did need more set boundaries when it came to homework and chores, but I learned that too late. Well, I'll get back to Di in awhile cos I am ready for her. LOL. elaine ela

Since you post the link to your online journal, I assume you know that some of us read it. It breaks my heart to read of your relationship with your mother. No, I don't know the "whole" story and no I certainly am not going to even think about blame. It's not about blame. It just breaks my heart to read your thoughts about your mom and to hear you assigning blame or that she assigns it, for that matter. There's obviously some troubled things going on, and maybe you all need an outsider to help you ALL address them. Your mother needs so much right now, regardless of the past. It takes more than one person for trouble to exist in any relationship. This I have learned. I hope that you can find away to address those feelings--regardless of how long your mother has left on this earth. Not just for your mom, but for you and your dad and brother, too. Anger and hurt are not legacies that serve anyone well, especially not the living. The TIME WILL come when one of you will be gone. Right now it seems your mother will go first. There is no way to be ready for that, as some have said. However, your grief may be tinged with more regret than you can fathom if things go on as they are. Some regret is inevitable. I hope you aren't angry with me, but if you are, so be it. I just can't help but feel for your whole family. I know what you are writing comes from hurt you feel--that is what anger is--hurt that has gone unsoothed from either the inside or from outside forces. You are hurting. You are ALL hurting. Maybe it's time for healing. One mark of maturity is forgiveness. I know it is hard to do. We don't choose our parents, but there is no love deeper, as you are finding out with your new son. Put yourself in those shoes. And pretend he has written your journal based on the troubles you and your husband have. Would it break your heart? love and fortitude elaine l

Beth, Just wondering why he put you on it before getting the results of the testing? Especially since you are having such a hard time with it and other drugs? elaine

You are missing my point. I didn't say that the government can stop all harmful behavior; it is impossible. But that doesn't mean it shouldn't try when there is clear evidence that harm is being done. Especially in instances where it is clear that a law could stop a great deal of harm. I didn't say I cared which government--it just seems logical that in the case of cig that it would be a federal law. LOL, smoke crosses state borders-- You actually make MY point, when you say people shouldnt do things because there is a law against it. The only thing stopping cig from doing harm is that there is NO law against it. You clearly believe that there are some things that should be unlawful and you seem to suggest those things are things that cause harm or potential harm. I guess I see your point, about making a bomb (which in some cases IS illegal depending) vs actually setting it off... but do you really want people making bombs? Do you really want plutonium in the hands of just anyone? Do you really want people being able to go around threatening people without that being illegal? You also pose a red herring when you begin to talk about who should or should not reproduce. My argument implies nothing about reproduction. There is a big difference between a genetic "defect" and a social harm. I think it shold be against the law to knowingly get pregnant if you have HIV/AIDS if there is no way that the baby can be protected agaisnt the disease (I am not up to date on that). It IS against the law to have unprotected sex with a partner if you have AIDS/HIV and your partner does not know you have the virus. Babies should have the same protection, IMO--especailly since the baby almost always will get the virus from the mother, whereas, not all sexual partners will become infected. I never said we were a democracy. If we were, then many harmful things MIGHT be legal. Slavery might sill exist. There might be no speed limits. Drinking and driving might be legal. The whole idea of a federalist govt was to protect people from their own ignorance. ANd if you don't believe that people are ignorant, I could point you to lots of proof that people most certainly are,... Most people are too busy trying to make their way in a capatilist society that they don't have time to keep up to date of every scientific discovery etc etc. Heck, our education system is so bad that most people read with the skill of a fourth grader. I am NOT willing to live in a true democracy. Listen to Rush Limbaugh for a day, and I bet you wouldnt either. No law is perfect. If a law need be perfect and stop ALL harmful behavior to be worth a dang, then there would be NO laws.... Are all laws good? No. Not at all. There are many things that have been legal in this nation that had no business being legal. There were and are many policies that are unjust and should be illegal. I appreciate having someone to "argue" with. Thanks. It is, IMO, very crafty that somehow we (universal we) were led to believe that we have the right to smoke.... There are many less dangerous things we do that are illegal and that we have NO rignt to do... elaine

Well, I suppose you want safe food. I suppose you want safe water. If you leave it up to business, I doubt if you would have either one. I suppose you don't want your neighbor in the privacy of his home building bombs, especially if he is 16 years old and might get pissed off if you look at him wrong. I bet there are a lot of things you dont think people should be doing in the privacy of their own homes if you think a bout it. Sending threatening emails? Luring kids into the home in order to sexually assault them? I don't want the govt legislating who can marry whom--IMO, since no one gets hurt. But abuse of one adult to another IS something I want govt to legislate. That most often happens in the home. I don't care if it's the state or the federal government, someone needs to make and enforce laws that will try to curb that harm. I think there is proof enough that an adult smoking in a home or in a car with children present does pose a health risk to children. I did it. I am guilty. The constitution was written so that it could incorporate change. There wern't factories or cars etc etc when it was written. It was written with a lawmaking body and checks and balances to that law making body. It could not forsee the laws that would be needed and the writers knew this. That is why the const has held up all these years--it is designed for change. There is enough evidence that cig are harmful and if they are harmful in a public place they are twice as harmful in a private place--(smaller places with less sophisticated vehhilation etc). I suppose it might be possible that cig would be less harmful or maybe not vey harmful if there was no cig manufacturers. In that case, IF that is the case, then rolling and smoking cig in the privacy of the home MIGHT be fine with me. elaine

Well, what is the governments role then? Why do they even bother making sure highways and roads are safe? Wny do they bother to set speed limits? Why does the government have a defense system? Isn't safety, health and welfare the supreme role and responsibility of government? elaine

Di Most people start smoking in their mid teens. How wise are 16 year olds when it comes to making decisions that will impact quite possibly the rest of their lives? Nicotine is a drug. ALL other drugs are regulated by the government. Only nicotine is not. It is because of a "deal" struck between tobacco farmers and the govt early in the 20th century. People don't seem to mind when the government takes another drug like VIOX off of the market. Why not just put a warning on it? Should heroin be legal and a choice? If not, then why should nicotine be a choice that you say some should be able to make? Add to that is the fact that cig manufacturers manipulated the amount of nicotine in cig gradually increasing it to make certain that people became as addicted as possible. ANd like all things, some people have more addictive personalities than others What 16 year old knows THIS? What 16 year old is truly able to make that kind of decision? The tobacco companies now are marketing fruit flavored cig. Who are they trying to entice? Did yiou know this? It was found with tobacco company research that many Blacks had a physical aversion to the "taste" of tobacco. KInd of like an allergic reaction. Well they sure wanted those millions of potential customers, so they came up with menthol cigerettes. Hmmm And light cigarettes: those were marketed to women in order to get that huge market. AND it is a fact that those cig were marketed as being safer. The truth is they are probably more dangerous as they are inhaled deeper. It's not about choice, IMO. It is about criminal behavior on the part of the companies that knowingly kill millions, now spreading their market to underdeveloped nations. It is about irresponsible government policiies. We are so worried about the recent tsumani that we send billions in aid, but at the same time we are killing millions in China with our product. Phillip Morris isn't going anywhere soon. They, like all other major tobacco companies diversified when it became clear they might be held liable. These companies own much of the food processing companies and health and beauty aid manufacturers (ironically) so don't feel bad for them. As for farmers, hemp would be a crop to look at. It is a useful product. It is not marijuanna. There are solutions to anyone looking to find them and not looking to buy into the age old propaganda that smoking is a choice. I bought that for many years, and look where I am... BTW, nicotine occurs naturally in tobacco in an amount that I think I read is not addictive. It is the manner in which the companies mess with the nicotine that makes it addictive. Nicotine occurs narurally in most plants, from my understanding. elaine

Well, I guess you showed them! I am so happy for you. You made my day! love and fortitude elaine

I am posting a link to where Cyberknife is available in the US. Cyberknife is actually different than some of the other radiation treatments that some Drs say is the same as the Cyberknife, from my understanding . Buyer beware, I guess. Anyway, at the least someone should research the various techniques before having any of them. http://www.cksociety.org/PatientInfo/Ck ... ations.asp Here is also a link to a page that describes the various technologies. Yes, it is on the Cyberknife page, but I doubt they are able to lie about their technology a lot, anyway. http://www.cksociety.org/PatientInfo/ra ... risons.asp

Melanie, Thanks for posting your story on the "My Story" forum. It really angered me to read about what you have been through. I do have a couple of questions. First, what is the reason you ha ve been given that it was not found sooner? Does your lung tumor show up on CT scans? What ab out the tracheal tumor? Also, you said you had CT scans. When was the last chest CT scan before the one that showed you had lung cancer? One reason I ask is that I am trying to find out the false negative rates of chest CT scans and what makes them miss things... I am writing an article, and not just being nosy. Thanks. elaine

I do have to laugh a little. If you look at the billions of dollars spent on prevention/cessation (and it's way less than the CDC says is necessary) it seems it might be cheaper to just ban cigerettes--then spend some of those millions or billions on cessation measures for a few years and be done with it. They can ban Viooxx but not tobacco?? Come on... They can ban red dye but not tobacco? It's ludicrous. People should be writing to their Congressmen and women and getting tobacco to be controlled by the FDA--that would saye money and LIVES. Pay those Virginia tobacco farmers to do something else with their time and land. Twiddle their thumbs for 50 grand a year, I don't care. If you are following the current lawsuit against the cig manufacturers, it is criminal what they did and are doing. SOmeone recently posted an article that talks a bout the how they are currently paying universities big money to try and "prove" there is no connection between cig and lc-- Check with your state universities and see if they are taking tobacco money. It just seems logical to just ban them all together, doesn/t it??? (That is if t hey weren't a whole lot of people living off of the big money made on taxes and the sale of the product.) Hmmmmm elaine elaine

I find it amazing that the medical community doesn't KNOW that patients with serious cancers aren't experiencing distress! What is wrong with this picture!? I am glad someone has come up with something that will help patients let Drs know. I wonder, however, how often this "scale" is actually being used. Has anyone's Dr even used this with anyone on the board? Just curious. Thanks Donna for finding the whole article. I think I just found an excerpt. elaine

Here's a link. I think this is the article you mean. http://www.detnews.com/2005/health/0501 ... -57519.htm

Sorry about the shoulder, but I think that sounds like something you can handle! Thanks for sharing the good news! love and fortitude elaine

Wow, this made my day!!!! love and fortiude elaine

Amy I am sending thanks to you and your mom for the inspiration. love and fortitude elaine

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and what you are going through. My husband, too. has sometimes lashed out because of his fear of the future, his frustrations with not being able to prevent what I am going through and his overall anger at the circumstance. Usually, I am not the brunt, but on occasion I have been. Finally, we were able to talk ab out it and he is more aware of why he is doing it. It has nothing to do with me, but is because of the things I mentioned earlier. Maybe your husband would be able to talk to someone and that might help. Don Wood on the board might be someone who could also add insight to your situation. I don't have any magic words or advice for you. I wish I did. All I know is that if he could understand why he is reacting as he is, he might be able to vent his frustrations in a more healthy way. I know this is tremendously hard for you all the way around. Also, what kind of tests did they do and how on earth was the cancer missed? What were your symptoms? I ask so that your answer might help someone else on the board as we have many people who come here with symptoms and who worry ab out their dx. love and fortitude elaine

Beth I just know you can do it and you will. Lots of good thoughts headed your way--and hoping for the best. elaine