Addie

Well, just don't shortchange yourself, Curtis. A lot of people stay awake in class and still don't get the lesson! I still think that the way you speak of her and remember her is lovely. Take that for what it's worth. I know that Becky's up there nodding her head at what I'm saying. Women understand these things better than you guys do....ya know? Just wait till Katie falls in love someday...that'll be a whole 'nother education for you.

Curtis... I don't know that I've ever replied to one of your thoughtful, sentimental and full-of-feeling posts. But I've read most of them. Perhaps I haven't replied because after reading one of your posts or replies - specifically about Becky and your love for her/life with her - I sort of need time to process and think. I am, more often than not, sort of stunned into silence by your words. That's not something that happens often! I figure it's time to say something! Firstly, you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. Next, the full range and depth of your feelings about Becky probably should be in a book - which you are more than capable of writing. And lastly, while I know you grieve her loss....there is rarely anything maudlin about your remembrances of Becky and your life together...and THIS is perhaps the most remarkable thing of all. Maybe it's Katie that keeps you buoyed above or beyond grief; for Katie's sake, you make the effort not to get trapped in the pain of loss. Or maybe it's just you, who has the ability to have a wise-beyond-your-years perspective on everything. Starting out in a marriage, no one could anticipate losing a spouse and being left with a young child. And yet this is what happened to you. It seems to me that you are handling your loss and the great responsibility that you've been left with (your darling daughter) beautifully. I guess I just wanted you to know that though I've never said so before, I am often moved and inspired by your outlook...your words....your view on many things. I'm also impressed. It seems to me that your *mind excursions* and memories.....the way you hang on to even some of smaller nuances of your life with Becky....is a very mentally healthy way to approach your life. That you are so willing to share so many of your thoughts with us...is like the icing on the cake around here. And....I guess I needed to say, Thank You! Becky certainly left us too soon...but while she was here, I'm sure she knew she was a very lucky lady to have shared time with you!

This gave me my first big guffaw of the day. Thanks!! Best wishes to you and hubby today. Hope everything falls into place the way you want/need it to. Thinking of you.....

Ah, Jen..... NED!! I can't stop smiling for you. You're gonna be fine. I know the mental ghoulies sneak up on us...they have on me too. But I'm going to share with you what MY onc told me right after he told me I was NED. I asked about how often I'd have scans...and he said, "Don't focus on the scans. Think about where you are NOW. I know that might not make total sense to you...but just think about it for a while. I know you'll get it." So I thought about it...and I think what he was trying to tell me was NOT to live in fear, scan to scan....but to just go out and live my life! Hopefully the scans will take care of themselves and I'll continue with ol' NED....but meanwhile, I do intend to live my life! I'm going to try my damnedest to keep on living fully and I hope you will too, sweetie. Don't let the fear of recurrence dictate the flavor or tone of your days. Please! One of these days cancer might rear up and bite us in the butt again. But then again....it might not. Either way, to live out our days in fear - however many of them we have - just seems a waste. I'd rather laugh my a$$ off than worry it off, any day! You've been through a lot....a whole lot more side effects than I ever struggled with...and HERE YOU ARE....dancin' with NED. So it was worth it, Jen! You get that cough kicked...and you'll be golden. As for attitude...well, even those with great attitudes probably still have moments of fear. I know I do. My DH told me just tonight that lately, I seem to be abnormally concentrated on the fact that I might NOT have many years left. I told him that I think sometimes, it's necessary to remind ourselves of just how sneaky and deadly this disease is. A reality check of sorts. And then I try to go back to forgetting about cancer and just living. My excuse this time? Well, I'm halfway thru PCI and tired. Not completely dragging...but tired. I may be a quart low on brain cells too....eh? Anyway, sweet Jen...congrats to you. I couldn't be happier that your scans are looking good and NED is with you! I'll email ya the rest of what I have to say..... Love, Addie

Hehehe....the day I took homemade fudge and peanut brittle to the Infusion Center nurses and the Rad. Onc crew....I stopped in Infusion first. Then I went on upstairs to radiation. Well, I was at the front desk in rad making my follow up appointment for a month down the road when the phone rang. Susan answered it and then said, "Yeah, she's standing right here!" It was Linda down in Infusion, asking if I would give the nurses down there my candy recipes? I said sure I would. I got Linda's email and she said she'd copy the recipes for the other nurses, but before we hung up....she told me the peanut brittle was practically gone already!! It hadn't been 10 minutes since I'd left it there. Cracked me up....and clearly let me know how much they appreciate this kind of gesture from patients. Nice to hear how many of us have done something like this.

I've taken in articles I pulled off the net to docs before, asking questions relating to the articles. For the most part - and perhaps I've just been lucky - I think my docs appreciate that I try to be well informed AND that I participate in my own health, including doing research on symptoms, etc. I've had a doc or two who seemed perhaps a bit bemused by this....but really only one doctor who seemed to have a problem with the fact that I wasn't bowing and scraping at his feet for wisdom that ONLY he possessed, as I was simply the lowly (and apparently none too bright) patient. Uh....need I say that I don't go to him anymore? IF your onc doesn't like it that you've done a bit of research on your condition/symptoms/health....and have questions based upon that research....then I'd say the problem is with the doc, not you. Take you articles in and ask your questions. It's a patient's right!

Oh, Debi...I'm so sorry. But Casey wasn't just a cat....he was the king of your household and YOU were his staff! Did you not realize that? Cats often are so cool...but I think it's because they have staff....we humans who "work for them" is what makes them cool. One should never feel silly for shedding tears over a pet...because they are so much more than furballs with paws and an appetite for kibble or tuna. They are - sometimes - the only ones in our lives who truly seem to understand, aren't they? There are some days that I talk more to my two dogs than I do to my hubby. It's easy to second guess things after the fact...but sometimes it's not so easy to tell when our pets are sick, either. Fifteen years is a pretty decent lifespan for a cat....but just know that where Casey is now...he's healthy, enjoying himself, nipping a little catnip occasionally...and just waiting to see you again someday. I'm sorry you lost your cool guy and I know how it hurts. But maybe, in time, you'll find another kitty who needs a good home and competent staff...eh? I always say, that a heart that been expanded by the love of a good dog or cat...finds it hard to live without one. Take time to grieve your little buddy, Debi....and then in time, maybe you'll pay tribute to him by bringing home another little furball that needs a good home, eh?

I will vibe you till the cows come home....how's that!? I SO hope this works out for your hubby and you, E. You've got my best wishes and some *magical* vibes! Let us know...ok?

Sandy, honey, if you're not making speeches all the time...then you missed your calling! Very well "said"....every last word of it. Wish I could have been there to hear you in person. Thanks for making a difference and for getting the word out! (And really??? You didn't have the bike OR the dog prior to your dx? You rock, girl...for deciding to really live despite the rotten - no pun intended - diagnosis! )

Sandra....I'm sorry to tell you that we lost Dave in September. He hadn't been on line much himself...and his daughter posted to let us know of his passing. Here is a link to a thread that will fill you in. http://lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=9023&highlight=&sid=d3f09ff3c6d4cb73f4332934ef38f596 I'm sorry about your father's passing too. We've lost some wonderful folks around here.

Deb ....I'm thinking cellulitis! And if that is what it is, you need to get on antibiotics quick. Cellulitis on the face is nothing to mess with...as it can go into meningitis. I don't mean to scare you...but I had no clue what cellulitis was until I got it. Ten days of antibiotics took care of it for me...although the swelling lasted a while. I ended up with it about a year ago. Not sure how, in my case, but it started on the side of my nose. By the time it was a bit swollen and red...and the red was creeping up towards my eye...I went to the doc. Thank goodness I did! Usually the bacteria gets in thru a small cut in the skin. Go to the doctor again and ASK if it could be cellulitis. At least it will get them thinking about whether it's possible...and perhaps they'll get you on antibiotics just to be safe. Hope it's just an skin irritation you have, from the mask...but you need a doc to tell you for sure. Go see one...and then let us know, ok? I'll be thinking about you till I hear back.... P.S. Back to post these symptoms of cellulitis....and a risk factor for cellulitis is either immunosuppressive drugs or steroids. When I got it, I was on prednisone. Localized skin redness or inflammation that increases in size as the infection spreads Tight, glossy, "stretched" appearance of the skin Pain or tenderness of the area Skin lesion or rash (macule): Sudden onset Usually with sharp borders Rapid growth within the first 24 hours Warmth over the area of redness Fever Other signs of infection: Chills, shaking Warm skin, sweating Fatigue Muscle aches, pains (myalgias) General ill feeling (malaise)

Awwww, Doc Joe...you are a LONG, LONG way from clueless and plus, you've got to have a bigger heart than most to spend some of your precious free time here, helping all of us! We appreciate your input here more than you could ever know......or maybe you DO know, and that's why you're here, eh? For edification....my onc was sort of doom and gloom with me one time only....on my last day of chemo. At that point, I'd had NO tests or scans done since my dx!! So any of the sort of downbeat comments he made that day were NOT based on any info specific to how I was doing...because there was no such animal. All there was to base any expectation upon....was how I was feeling at the end of chemo.....which was REALLY good! So...that being the case, he sort of shot the air out of my tires...as I was pretty pumped up to be FINISHED with chemo and feeling that good! The thing is....my onc was the first person to really GIVE ME hope....at our first meeting. Everything I'd read on the net up to that point told me I'd be lucky to live 2 years!! My onc said, "You know this is curable?" Well....no, I didn't. Not from any "horse's mouth" anyway! So I made him repeat his words...which he did....my hubby and I smiled at each other like we'd just been given a reprieve (because we HAD!!)....and since that day (May 12, 2004) for the most part, I've maintained a positive attitude. As of October 6th, by all appearances I am keeping company with NED. I understand how important it is to keep NED on my dance card for the next two years....how much that will increase the odds for making it to 5 years out and a cure. But....even if ED shows up again within that time frame....I will not feel like it's my onc's fault or my rad onc's fault or even my PCP's fault. And I'll still want positive people on my team....even if I am back deep in the battle again. Doctors are people too and are entitled to have their off moments, their off days. It cannot be easy from your end either, Doc Joe....dealing with cancer patients and knowing that you're going to lose a lot more of your clients in the long run...than the guy running the dry cleaners or managing the local grocery. I've had pretty good luck with the medical professionals that have come into my life since my dx. There was only one nurse in rad onc with whom I could make no connection. In fact, she scared the peewaddens out of me, explaining the possible side effects of radiation. It was my great good fortune that she transferred out of rad. onc, the day before my lung nuking began! I do not miss her a bit! Everyone else has been terrific. I even get hugs now from the gal in my onc's office who draws my blood! (Decent recompense for being stuck yet again! ) I'm sorry you got fired, Doc....but you can bet WE'LL never fire you here as we are thrilled that you're willing to spend a little time with us. You add a real touch of professionalism and authenticity to these boards and I think I can speak for everyone when I say it's important to all of us that you are here! So you had a down day today...but tomorrow...things will look up again for you, I hope! And whenever you need to feel appreciated...just show up here....and we'll take care of it, ok?

What a pair we'd have made....you with the second head, and me with the second arse! Now I'm thoroughly enjoying her daughter Kate Hudson, who is about the cutest thing going!! (Just watched Raising Helen the other day, from my "post" on the sofa!)

Cindy....new words to live by: Dust is a protective coating for furniture!! Stuff sitting in groups is not clutter.....it's a collection! Good to hear from you and so glad you're enjoying the job! Hope you'll find more time to pop in here occasionally, now that you're really in the swing of things with the job! Enjoy the day today. It's glorious here too! I even have the kitchen slider open...it's so mild outside....and DH is out playing golf instead of blowing leaves off the lawn!

Uh.......would I really know if it wasn't? Just spoofin' ya! Going fine so far...but I am tired. After yesterday and today off...I'm not so snoozy today. But for the most part, I notice the decline in energy and my ability to sit down without dozing off...and that's about the worst of it. Had a very mild headache the first couple of days but that seems to have gone away. I keep waiting, as Nancy B. said happened to her, for my appetite to diminish. So far, it's not really happening. I could stand to lose about 10 lbs. and was hoping that as I *lost a few marbles*, so too, would the pounds melt away. But really, it's not bad at all. Only 8 days to go...and by then, I figure my hair will be taking a hike again....just in time for the cold weather. Back to wearing my pink knit skull cap, I suppose. About "bippy".....I dated myself with that one, didn't I? I still miss Laugh In. Can you tell?

Exactly!! That's the attitude, Dianne. I know the one time my own onc sounded less than positive, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Brought me WAY down....where I don't like to be emotionally. So....I got myself all fired back up and the next time I saw the onc, was for the follow up AFTER my CT scan following treatment. We already know the results of that scan, right? NED. Everyone was smiling and positive that day...and I told the onc how his sorta negative mood the time before, had impacted me. My hubby kept saying maybe the onc just wanted me NOT to get my hopes up too high....but like I said, "If he doesn't already realize that along with my optimism or positivity....I'm ALSO a realist....then he hasn't been paying attention!!" I'm sure you feel the same. It's one thing to accept the realities of this disease. It's quite another to set out on the journey - OR find yourself at any time on the journey - so locked in negative thought that you lose any possible joy to your days! We are alive....until we aren't anymore. I don't want to die of cancer...but I might. Until that happens, though, I'm going to enjoy my life as much as I can AND do what I need to do in terms of trying to beat this thing. Anyone locked in pessimism will not be on my team. It's just that simple! I'll allow for anyone to have a bad day or an off moment...which is how I look at that one occasion with my onc. It wasn't his typical demeanor that day. It better not BECOME typical...or I'm outta there! Go after what you need and want, Dianne. This is your battle, your life. You can bet your bippy that no matter HOW good and caring ANY doctor or any other person might be....that nobody cares ANY MORE than YOU DO about the outcome here! So go after what you need and keep on believing in a cure. Why not? It could happen, right? So go for it!

I hope your little furry best friend perks up with the steroids and the two of you can share many more years together. It's very hard getting to this point with a beloved pet...where their health starts to falter and reminds us that our furkids don't get as long a lifespan as we might wish. You asked, "what are the odds?"....so I have to share this: The first dog we adopted after I was married, was female. I was pregnant at the time we adopted her and guess what? So was she, as it turned out! We kept one of her pups and found homes for the rest. Thirteen years later, Jeep, the daughter predeceased our Sadie-momma, and so we adopted a male puppy to keep Sadie company. I had recently been dx'd with a kidney condition....and sonofagun, if Murphey puppy didn't have a kidney disorder too!! Flash ahead a year and a half.....and Sadie and Murphey both had to be put down within 5 weeks of each other. Sadie just plumb wore out at age 17 and Murphey, who was only 18 months...was a victim of his polycystic kidneys. So....we brought home Bo...who shared our lives for 12.5 years. But around age 6, Bo was dx'd as hypothyroid.....a condition I'd been living with for many years by that point. So...every day, Bo and I took our synthetic thyroid tabs! It seemed like every time we brought a new dog into the house, it ended up sharing one of my medical conditions.....so after Bo was gone, and knowing that the only condition left to emulate was "menopausal bi*ch"....we adopted a MALE to break the cycle. Linus, who is sort of a grumpy guy (hey, is this another pattern forming???) and then a year later, Mattie - our female who is blonde AND has the personality of a cheerleader (uh oh, I WAS on rally squad a hundred years ago! ) Now it seems we're into personality traits rather than medical conditions .....although Jeep (Sadie's daughter) had cancer....and she was the only dog we had that I had NOT shared a medical condition with. I guess now, I do. Anyway, TAnn.....again....I hope you and your little lhasa guy have a long road together, ahead of you! Part of my own motivation for beating cancer is that my two yahoos are only 3 and 4. They need me to be around for a while...and it's part of my sense of responsibility to do just that....to BE here at the end of their lives. Yet another incentive for kicking cancer to the curb, huh?

Ah, Peg.....it's not easy being a mom, even of adult kids....is it? In a few months....it will be DH and I who will be doing the leaving....also for Arizona. Our oldest is pretty firmly ensconced here....and we just LOVE his girlfriend who will be his wife, we have no doubt. So to be leaving this area just as he is settling down and buying a house and has fallen in serious love....is hard. Our youngest is pretty firmly ensconced in the Chicago area....also with a girlfriend who, truth be told, I'm quite happy to be some distance from. But my point, is that sons go live their lives in a more independent way, generally, than daughters do. And sometimes this takes them a long distance away. This is why my hubby and I have decided to do the same....although it tears at my heart some. We've had it with snowy winters so are headed towards the sun.. This might be the last Christmas I have in MY home with both my boys around for some of it. Once we move.....who knows what will happen? My youngest has gotten used to my tears every time he comes and goes...which is at Christmas now....and that's generally the only time I see him. Once a year for a few days. This year, he's in grad. school so I'll get him for a whole week!! But these changes aren't always so easy to adjust to, are they? I'll send you some "no tears" vibes....that you can get thru his leave-taking without tears....and then shed them after he's on the road. Hang on to that thought of visiting him in AZ....and how much you enjoy it out there. I'm hoping our boys will find reason to come visit us for some winter sunshine too! We're supposed to raise them up to be self-sufficient and competent and able to make decisions for themselves. But then when they do all that...a little part of our "mother's heart" weeps for the days when they simply depended on us, eh? I know you'll cope and be proud and go visit in the desert and all will be fine. But first....wave him off with a smile...and then go cry your tears after he's on the road. He'll be fine and so will you Peg....but I do know what you're feeling. Sending a commiserating hug.....

My deepest symypathies for your loss. I'm so sorry.....

Glad Pop is back home, and bet you all are too! Will hold good thoughts for him that the scan on Monday brings some good news. Sending good wishes his way and also to you and your mom!

Hey, Teach....how goes it? Good to hear from you, Cin. Are they keeping you busy these days?

My PCP has two patients who are 6-8 years out from dx with sclc. They are considered cured. My onc told me the first time I met with him that this is curable. He also said "no guarantees", which I knew....but my goal is to be cured. Why not? If it doesn't happen...it doesn't happen! But there is no good reason I know of, not to strive for a cure! As to this quote, my understanding was that to be limited stage, the cancer must be confined to one lung and the lymph nodes in the chest (mediastinum). Any mets outside of the chest area, constitutes extensive stage....but altho mets to the mediastinum ARE mets...the fact that they are still in the chest area means it's limited stage. (Hope that convoluted definition made some sense~! Can you tell I'm not a doctor? ) Now I have to go read the article you linked to...but wanted to say this first.

Rachel... Not only do you make the best of things (weekends at the gorgeous Oregon coast)...but you're feeling good too!! So glad to hear it. I betcha there's gonna be one happy pup in Alaska when you get home....eh? Keep us posted on how you're doing. Glad to know tx has been successful and that you'll be headed home soon. One question....what are the Yurts?

Karen.... My thoughts are with you, your mom and the rest of your family. I'm so sorry. Wishing you strength and the comfort of many happy memories, during the days to come. My sincere condolences.

Elaine...this sucks. I'm really sorry. I think looking into legal options is a good idea. On what grounds did they let your hubby go? They would have to have something documented to justify it, and if he was producing and they hadn't discussed any *problems* with him...then what were their grounds? Get some legal advice!