Jana -
My heart goes out to you and your family. This is a terrible time for you and you are coping as well as can be expected given the circumstances.
Communicating the feelings you have is vitally important. So, don't feel bad about a miserable post! I've been writing some very dark stuff myself (mostly in a journal I started) and I happen to find it cathartic. I hope you do too and that it helps you in your journey of recovery.
Kel