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Afraid to sleep......


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I am just whining :) All week I hardly slept. I would go to bed and I was up every hour on the hour and some hours I would not fall asleep. I know I was tightly wound because I went back to work and this week was such a nightmare, one night lasting until 12:05am.

My problem is that each night this week I had major nightmares. It started with a nightmare that something happened to my dad. I really wanted to call them at 4am, but decided against it ;) All other nights, I am dreaming of my mom's cancer coming out of remission. Last night I had such a vivid dream that I was posting on LCSC about mets.

I am not sure what my problem is and why the dreams are coming now, when I was doing better for a bit. Perhaps work stress?? Perhaps I have ESP?? I don't know! I am even getting better with my own neurosis, I saw the PA at my allergist office on Thurs b/c my asthma seems to be acting up. Since the acting up is new, seh called me yest, said she talked to the dr, and she is worried I have a blood clot and she wants me to go for a painful arterial blood gas test on Mon. I told this to my nurse at work and my close doctor friend and they both say that sounds NUTS. I know my neurosis is getting better b/c I have not researchced blood clots :) And trust me, I normally research every ache or pain and of course relate it to cancer.

I just am sitting here doing anything I can not to go to sleep tonight because I am afraid of the cancer nightmares!!!!!

Ok, fine, maybe my neurosis is not 100% better. I am going on Brian's health insurance and I had to make him look up to see if my mom's oncologist accepts in just in case in the future g-d forbid kind of thing :P

I am done whining. Sorry for rambling :) But hey, that is what LCSC is all about, allowing us to share fears, whine and vent.

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Dear Andrea,

Whine away...as you can see from the time of this post, I too am having trouble sleeping. I usually go in spurts...times when I hit the pillow and sleep like a baby...and other times (like now) when I have so much on my mind that sleep just won't come. I'm sure that having such a painful test scheduled for Monday would count as "alot on your mind". I hope it goes well.

In any event, I think we are normal :wink:

May the sheep be lining up at your bedside soon!

Love and prayers to you,

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Beth and Andrea....

Lullabuy and goodnight may the dear lord bless you....

I can't believe the hours of your posts!!! I have done the same thing since Daddy passed... some nights I hit the bed and sleep like a log, then I have a night like last night where I am up every hour on the hour for no apparent reason. I don't have an answer... just wanted to wish you both a good nights sleep soon. Love, Sharon

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Hi Andrea,

Sounds like you've had a few lousy days lately. I hope you did finally go to sleep last night and didn't have those crummy nightmares.

This may be way out in left field, but I was wondering if the asthma might have something to do with it. Perhaps you are having difficulty breathing while you're sleeping and you aren't getting into a deep sleep - sleep apnea? Couldn't this be a cause of the nightmares? I really don't know, but since it came to me in my mind, thought I'd throw it out there.

Take care, sweetie!



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Thanks everyone. I know we all go through this!!!

After the dream about my dad I got freaked out about the housing market here because Orange County is one of the most expensive places to buy a house in the US (for instance an 1800 sq foot nothing special home in Irvine can go for over $800k). Well if something happens to my dad, I would want my mom to live with us, in like a "mother daugther house". My mom said if g-d forbid the time cmoes, I can move again into a bigger house, we would have more moeny for a house with their house to sell; or we can build on and it was dumb to worry about now. I started to wonder if we should just get thta type of house now, but can't really afford it :)


Peggy---funny you mentioned that, recently when I got zoloft my dr asked about my sleep and I said I wake up every 2 hours, but that is normal for me for years. He is sending me to a sleep doctor, I have an apt this week to make sure I dont ahve sleep apnea 8)

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Hi Andrea,

I do not know your problems as I am fairly new here, but dreams are just dreams. Do not take them as fact. Most of the times it is just thoughts that are conjured up in the back of your mind that comes out when we are asleep. And you being under all this tention would bring out negative dreams.

We really do not remember our dreams as most of us get enough sleep. But getting up all the time, you tend to remember what you were just dreaming.

Acutally, we all could remember our dreams if we had a pad next to our nightstands. when you wake up you remember and you could write down because you mind is pretty fresh at that point. Then just as fast it is lost.

So constantly getting up, is making those dreams remembered more.

I don't know if what I said makes any sense. Oh well, whatever, but just don"t take them seriously.

I hope your test goes well and the pain is not as bad as anticipated.


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Hang in there Andrea!

It's hard going back to work after cancer, even if your not the patient. Dreams are just dreams and the more you stress about them the more they will come back.

I know all too well those middle of the night feelings, when the rest of the world in asleep, except you and you are wandering around the house and all kinds of crazy things are going through your mind.

Hope you can get some relief soon! Hang in there!

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I really feel your pain. sometimes I can't sleep and have bad dreams. my first gut reaction is that it's your asthma. but I must tell you, almost every month, for the week before I start my period, I have real trouble sleeping. I wonder if that is affecting you.

have you tried Melatonin? Ambien? (pretty mild sleeping pill).

Anyway, I completely understand. Not being able to sleep is the worst thing.

and don't worry about your Dad. He's still pretty young and I think he'll be around for a long time.

God Bless,


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sounds like you need some anti-anxiety meds now. I am on 100 mg Xanax daily and 30 mg. lexapro.

I would say I am somewhat normal now but I know its all the meds and not being cured or well or anything like that.

your dealing with an undescribalbe fear situation and people develop cracks that without treatment can get bigger over time.

take care of yourself so you can take care of your parents.

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I hear you loud and clear on the "afraid to go to sleep thing". It's a bit different for me. My Dad has active disease in his body and he is in the fight of his life. Since Dad lives with us, I never escape cancer.........not for one minute. (Of course I would have it NO other way........plus, if I never escape cancer for a minute, I can only try to imagine what it is like for the patients who have cancer :cry: )

I get so scared sometimes. I get up MANY times during the night to check on Dad. I just pop my head in his room to be sure that he is o.k. I have been doing this a lot more lately since the loss of my uncle. I think that if a pulmonary artery could rupture in my uncle, the same thing could happen with my Dad. (my Dad's tumor is encasing the main pulmonary artery) If something like that DID happen to my Dad, I would want to be awake and there to hold his hand just in case he DID know what was happening..........that way he wouldn't be as scared.

Also, if you remember, my Dad and I went to the funeral home and made all of Dad's arrangements. That is causing me to have dreams of Dad's death and funeral. It was soooooo awful to go to the funeral home. We had to pick a liner color for the casket..........do you want white or ecru..........pleated or puckered...........geesh..........it was like we were shopping for a dress the way the funeral home employees came accross. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice. The whole experience was........well, it was traumatic for me.

I KNOW that I am making myself CRAZY. I can't help it. I'm so sorry that I don't have any good sound advice for you Andrea. I just wanted you to know that I DO understand.

Your very neurotic friend~~~~


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Andrea, I'm right there with you on the lack of sleep issue. It seems I can fall asleep and sleep about an hour or so then wake up and am awake for the night. I was taking Ambien for a while and got really great results but I realized that after a while the stuff has to be addictive. I just stopped taking it and at times would have killed for a good nights sleep. Hope these tests find the problem so the doc can offer a solution.

Angie...I know the feeling you are having. After I made the arrangements for Dennis, I had nothing else on my mind for days!!! Hope things get easier for you!

Keeping you in my prayers!!!

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Angie---I remember those dreams after making arrangments, we made arrangemetns last Nov just in case, it is haunting! You have so much going on in your family, you are all so strong!

I see the dr for sleep on Wed and I will see if I get the sleep apnea test.

I cancelled the blood gas test for clots b/c it made NO SENSE. I ran it by my friend who is a doctor and people at work and no one could find the correlation and my symptoms are not severe. I asked today WHY do I need it and the allergist said if I don't want it, don't get it. SO I did the logical thing---found myself a new allergist and will be switching in two weeks :) Amazing how some doctors can be.

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