Guest Rebecca Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 We've been together for going on seven years now. The VA found a shadow on an xray. We now know it's lung cancer, but not what kind. We know it's inoperable. They won't start any treatment until they determine what kind it is. We're going crazy with the wondering. I'm terrified of life without him. He says he will jump through all their hoops as long as there some light at the end of the tunnel. The bottom line is, this is terminal and all they can do is, perhaps, retard its growth. I weep all the time, in the car, at work, outside with the dog. I lost my father to emphysema in 1985, my mother to lung cancer in 2001, and now Dan has both. I'm falling apart here. Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Rebecca, If you think about it, LIFE is terminal. Stop mourning, stop envisioning life without him. There is no guarantee he will outlive you. We are not born with "Use by" dates on our butts, we don't know when we are going to go or by what means. He could live years and you could (God forbid) be hit by a beer truck. Get your emotions under control. It may be inoperable, it may be a lot of things, but don't let the monsters take the reins and run. It may NOT be "that bad". Many of the board members are surviving and living with cancer. There is hope, all you have to do is open up and accept it... He's not dead, he has cancer...maybe. My surgeon wouldn't even commit to a cancer diagnosis until he had a piece of it. Push for the testing to be completed so you can get on with the battle - but don't panic. The battle hasn't even begun yet, buckle on your armor and prepare. Good luck, Becky (I'm only a "Rebecca" when my mother is very, very mad...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Rebecca, sorry you had a need to find us.You will find lots of knowing and caring people here. This time of cancer is probably one of the worst.Not knowing what is next,what will happen,how long,how bad. First bit of advice.Many of us were given a gloomy prognosis.And many of us are far exceeding the statistics we were given.Also many of us that are enjoying a decent quality if life.Don't give up & don't despair yet. There is a lot of new modern medicine available to us today and more coming each new day.The VA health care system in Pgh. is where I recieve treatments & they have done a remarkable job keeping me alive thus far.They have provided everything they have needed to so far to treat my cancer & none of them have given up with attitude yet. Everything should get a little easier for you and your fiance as your medical team compiles the information they need and devise a treatment regimine to combat the disease. We are all here to support you and answer questions and help you thru. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Rebecca, welcome here. Lots of support and info. Sorry about your fiance. Look at the profiles and stories of the people here and I think it will help you see there are a lot of survivors of lung cancer. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enyaw061032 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Hello, Rebecca: As others have said, WELCOME, and you will be glad you found us, because the people here are loving and caring and helpful. They have lung cancer or are caregivers or have loved ones with lung cancer. You will receive great advice and help, and sometimes scolding, because WE ARE FAMILY and will tell you what we can to help you. You will be a part of our family. Don't despair and be down! Your fiance NEEDS YOUR HELP and the only way you can help is (as you did here by finding us and writing to us), but ALSO by giving him support and having a positive outlook. Despair and a negative attitude doesn't help anyone. You need to urge your finance to get the tests he needs, and find out what kind of lung cancer he has, and what STAGE it is. Depending on the type and stage determines if it is operable, or if not, what type and kind of chemo and/or radiation will be administered. There's an old saying I heard once and it is: "Some people die at 40 and get buried at 80. Others die at 80 and get buried at 80." Don't act dead or dying until the day it happens, and don't give in to the urge to act that way with your fiance. NOBODY KNOWS THE DAY OR THE HOUR WHEN THEY WILL DIE!! SO............LIVE AND LET LIVE AS HAPPY AND FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN. Hang in there, and have HOPE AND FAITH AND GIVE THOSE TO YOUR LOVED ONE. BARB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Whoops.... don't start gathering at death's door just yet. As has been posted, there are a TON of folks right here who have lived, and are living well past any predictions or statistics the experts have put out. Heck, I'm one of them. Given 8 to 15 months from my dx. It's over 17 months now and I'm still chuggin' along. Had a friend awhile back who came down with brain cancer. The docs gave him a few weeks to live before the cancer killed him. Turned out the docs where half right. The brain cancer did kill him .... TEN YEARS LATER! So, for now, take that "life without him" option and toss it. Right now you have a life WITH him. A lot of it might be on the rough side so it seems to me the deal is to concentrate on "the good stuff" and get on about the business of LIVING your life together. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richinsdakota Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Yep; as is said here...all is not doom, and there is time to diagnose and treat this disease. Its a long term process, not an overnite disaster, so try to calm down, take it one step at a time...good luck...Rich B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Please get your fiance staged so you know what you're dealing with. There are many, many survivors on this board at ALL different stages of lung cancer. There is alot to determine before you "go off the deep end." Take a deep breath, get him to the Dr. to get the staging done, and then get a plan for his treatment. Once his treatment starts you'll both feel better because you're actively fighting this. I know worry is part of this whole thing, but worry only makes it worse, really. Try to get a plan and then go for it. Please keep posting, we care. Joanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi Rebecca and WELCOME! The weeping is normal. I wept, too, especially at first, only a couple of times, it would be better called BAWLED! It will get better. I promise. Here are a couple of links of two other new people that had many, many questions answered and fears discussed that I think will help you, too. You may have already read them, but if not, here they are: http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=14628 http://www.lchelp.com/community/viewtopic.php?t=14631 I send you my best and ask God to cover you with His love, which always helps me to be less afraid. Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Don't be so sure about what you know yet...it may be operable in the future after chemo. Chemo may shrink the tumor to make surgery possible. It's too soon to know what you're up against...you don't even know the type yet. Shortly after my husband was diagnosed my son came home from school saying they had been studying lung cancer and asked if I knew it was terminal. I told him that terminal just means its most likely to cause death...doesn't mean it will. Hang in there. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyndy41 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 A couple of weeks ago a doctor told me I maybe have 2 years. I'm 41 years old married for 15 years with 3 children. It's been a bit of a roller coaster but the bottom line is all I can do is live for right now. As time goes on your feelings will change. I don't look at time lines - I look at how I can make my life right now as great as possible and love every minute. Funny thing is they were quick to tell me how bad it is but I don't actually find out until tomorrow exactly what my primary cancer is and I haven't started treatment yet. They think the primary is lung cancer that has metastasized to my brain. We can't change what has happened just do everything to live as long and as well as we can. Take care, Cyndy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Welcome to our family, Rebecca, When you learn more of the details of Dan's diagnosis you will have a better idea what you are dealing with. Once you know what is the next step and a treatment plan is established, you will begin to feel better. Just know that you have found a wonderful group here to help you along the way. There's nearly always someone that is familiar with what you are going through. God Bless. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi Rebecca So sorry for what you are going through right now. The beginning is so devastating, but as the others have said, once you have a treatment plan in place and start the fight, things will settle down a bit for you. Mum was stage IV at diagnosis, and continues to live well 19 months later - don't give up!! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi Rebecca. boy this is a rough time, knowing it is cancer but waiting for more tests and not having a plan of attack yet. Please let us know how the tests go and what next. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rebecca Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 The day I found this site was a blessing. Thank you all for your kind (and some tough) words of encouragement. I am still scared, upset, etc., but I am no longer feeling so alone. I will update when we know more regarding Dan's diagnosis. God Bless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Atta girl, Rebecca. We will be here for you and Dan. Much support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieLR Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Dear Rebecca, Becky is right, life itself is terminal. It's how we handle the bumps in the road along the way that matters most. I'm so sorry for your need to be here but I'm glad you found us. The people you will encounter on this site are THE BEST! Please feel free to chime in with any questions, concerns or even just to vent. I think you'll find that the more info you can get & share with us, the more you will learn & find comfort. There is a common bond that we share, like it or not & often it will be the smallest thing that is said that speaks the loudest. I want you to know that you & your Fiancee will be in my prayers & on my mind from here on out. I've found such peace since finding this site & I pray that He gives that to both of you. Anyway, strap in sweetie. We'll all ride this one out together & gain our strength in numbers. Hugs & prayers, Melanie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mrsmanny Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Rebecca, My new husband of just four months was also told "lung cancer" last month.. There are a couple of other things you can do to understand what you are feeling... Grief Counseling... just our first session REALLY helped! You are griving for part of your life and everything you thought you knew about it... everything JUST changed.... It's frustrating and scary (especially if you happen to be a control freak like me!) Don't look at statistics... Frsrt of all, it will drive you crazy.... Second of all.... We are people... People are not numbers! Until they have taken a section of what your booboo bear has...you still don't know what you are dealing with! They need to biopsy it to know what it is. Otherwise they are shooting in the dark! The biopsy (section of the junk inside) will be put through tests and tests and more tests...(called pathology) I am of the opinion that you should ask for a 2nd opinion on the Pathology report. I was told this would make no difference, but in our case, IT HAS! BE PROACTIVE, ASK THE DR'S QUESTIONS!!! Don't be afraid to ask anyone hear questions... all these people are awesome and NO You are not alone... Courage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mrsmanny Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 One of my friends who IS a Stage IV lymphoma (5 years and now he has NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!) survivor told me this.... "This may be the worst thing & best thing that ever happened to you, you choose. It is what it is, deal with it and move forward." He takes life by the balls, a little more direct approach than I personally am used to, or even like, but in a way, he's right. Keep your head up...This site is amazing! My hubby & I will be praying for you & your booboo bear! People all over the country will! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K and Kids Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Rebecca, I don't have much to add but this is a good place to come and vent. I recently lost my dad to lung cancer. That said, DeanCarl, Snowflake and the many other WONDERFUL people here are wise and comforting ... and down right funny too. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for strength you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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