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Wife's Sister Gone !!


Larry

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We got a call this morning at 4 am from the wife's brother telling us her Older Sister had just passed away. She was DX'ed with SCLC in oct or Nov and was given then 2 month's to live.

Reason i'm writing this is as this causes a problem for my Wife as She want's to go to her sister's Funeral but the trip would just be a terrible physical trauma for her. To give a example a month ago she wanted to take a drive around the area and we were gone only about 1 1/2 hr's with 116 mile's of driveing and it laid her up sick for almost a week. The trip from here to where her sister is is triple the mile's and road time...ANY SUGGESTION"S ????

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Larry: please pass on my condolences to your wife. The only suggestion I can think of, and it may sound kind of stupid, is to ask the family to have the funeral nearby your residence.

I will pray for you and your wife.

Don M

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Larry, please let your wife know that I am so sorry about the loss of her sister. This is a really tough situation for her to face right now. If she is determined to attend the service, it will be hard to change her mind. Maybe you could remind her that being in large crowds is not always good for cancer patients because of germs and possible bugs! I know this must be a hard decision for her to make.

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as much as you love your wife- deep down in your heart you know that this has got to be her decision.

Present your best case for "why not to go", and then let her decide. Missing her sister's funeral may be something that she regrets and hates herself for later- it can also lead to a decline in her mental health/ fighting spirit.

On the other-hand, maybe the suggestion that her sister's spirit is "everywhere" now, and that her sister's life can be celebrated "anywhere". Perhaps you can have your own "memorial" service at a park or church or special place very near your home- so that your wife can say her own goodbyes.

Whatever she decides, I'm saying a prayer for you both.

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Larry,

Take her. She can sleep in the car on the way, be sure to take some pillows and a light blanket. Even if she is laid up for a week, if she does NOT go to her own sister's funeral, she will be emotionally kicked to the curb for a very long time.

In your driving, you two can take breaks along the way to get out and stretch your legs, get something to eat, a bottle of cold water...anything to change position for a while.

If she gets back pain, roll up a towel tightly and place it just above her hips to give her lumbar support and maybe ease some of that pain.

Remember the pain medication and/or motrin/ibuprofen and this really sad time shouldn't be impossible.

My condolences for your loss.

Becky

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Hi Larry,

I'm sorry you and your wife are in this situation, and I offer you both my deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved sister-in-law. It's a tough decision I'm sure, to weigh the options of attending the funeral of a loved one and finding some closure there and finding support in this loss with family verses risking your wifes health and strength. A 4-5 hour drive can be very hard especially when your experiencing discomfort already without being cramped up for long periods.

Is flying there an option? I know it's not that far of a drive, but in the interest of time and comfort maybe it would be the best choice. Also, another option may be to rent a van for a few days for the trip. I remember about 5 years ago my aunt was undergoing treatment for SCLC and she wanted to go back home to Iowa to see her family. It was a 12 hour drive. My cousin rented a conversion van that had bench seats that folded down into a makeshift bed. My aunt was able to sit when she could and stretch out and rest for the majority of the drive. They brought along a number of pillows and blankets for body support. It worked out well.

What ever your decision, I pray that God bless you both and bring your wife peace in difficult time.

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First of all i just want to thank you guy's for your thought's and feeling's on this sad day..You guy's are all correct in this has to ultimately be her decision. And i will honor her decision and right now she has made it understood that she want's to be with her family and her deceased sister.

We have a Dodge Quad Cab pickup which is pretty comphy and she could if needed lay down in the second seat. Then also our one Daughter has her Tahoe SUV so and she could comfortably go with her.

It's just that with all the emotionalism and stress from the trip has me worried but she has proven to me before just how strong she is so i'll just trust her as more than once she has made me look like a worrier for no good reason...I know that with the fact her and her sister both have sclc that their is a speacial bond of knowledge and understanding that was between the two of them..So thank's again for your input's.....Larry

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Larry,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I also wanted to chime in that it sounds like you're going a good direction with this.

I know it's a TOTALLY different situation, but when my Grandmother passed away when I was at full term in my pregnancy and I couldn't get to her in time to see her before she passed, or get to the funeral... It was such an awful, helpless feeling. I was able to get to where she was after she passed and say my goodbyes, but I could not make the funeral as it was too far away. That lack of closure was really hard, and I think NOT being able to have a chance to say my good-bye in some way would have ultimately been more stressful for me (and the baby) than going was.

As I say, I know this is a TOTALLY different situation, but I can empathize with some of your wife's feelings of, "I HAVE TO BE THERE." I think going is a good thing.

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