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confused, scared and the waiting is the worst


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My mother 54 who is my best freind in the whole world and my most strongest support system was diagnosed in april with non small cell lung cancer

-numerous test later decided removal of left lung

-pre surgury test determined tumor in her heart ...

-now suddenly stage 4 cancer with no treatment options...july

-august 10 days of radiation to her heart and lung one time only high risk deal...tumors shrunk..thank god

-chemotherapy not an option to high of risk and was advised death would be immediate if chance it

-doing great for a few months was given to Thanksgiving as a time line Oct ..we live in Canada

-surpassed expectations...mom says she is not sick and doctors are wrong....

-Dec ...mom having severe pain admited to hospital this week...tumor in adrenal gland 4x 8 cm ...causing clots in blood ...

-started heperin only tow doses now blood to thin...giving different injections in arm to re regulate her blood...injections and blood test will be daily now....

-more test ...bone clear thank god ...brain clear thank god ...tumor in left and right lungs now and also in her left atrium heart valve....

-doctor wanting to admit her for palative care..

-taking mom home tomorrow for round the clock care...daily blood test and injections...

-How do you know when the end is near is this the beginning of the end or just another cycle ...

-doctors only seem to be concerned with pain management ...on 30 mg of morphine 2x daily and breakthroughs of 10 mg every hour is needed ...usually need....

-Please any insite or past experience woud be greaty needed ....I need to know if christmas will be possible with my mom ...everyone else just beats around the bush I want the truth.....anyone...thanks

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Hi: Maybe you could go to the "Ask the Experts Forum" and ask why your mom can't have chemo. I don't know, but I have never heard aof anyone not being able to have chemo unless ther is an allergy problem. Maybe it has something to do with the blood clots?

I can't answer your question about whether the end is near or not, but you and your mom have my prayers.

Don M

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I wish I could give you an answer -- but as you already know, this is a roller coaster and you never know what is over the next hill. My mom is also stage IV with numberous mets to the bones...in October, we were all convinced that she wouldn't make it to see the birth of my daughter (which now should be any day.) And then, everything changed -- she is doing better, dealing with chemo, etc -- all of which we didn't expect to happen.

There are many people on this site who have either beaten odds themselves or their loved ones have. All you can do is take each day as it comes -- and ASK questions. Pain management is so very important, so I do understand that.

Maybe someone else will have better info...I will be thinking about you and your mom...I can definitely relate.


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I just don't know what to tell you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I know this is easy for me to say, but try and make Dec. 12th as important to you as the 25th. I try to tell myself that each day we have with Mom is a gift. I make myself crazy wondering if she wil be here for events in the upcoming year. Statistics say she won't...Drs who give timelines say she won't. I'm hoping she will, but at least I have her today. My friend at work lost her father to LC last week, and Christmas will be tough for them. I think it's tough any time, though.

Like Holly said, it's a rollercoaster. Except, of course, for the fact that I tend to enjoy rollercoasters. I'm hoping you will get to ride this one through Christmas. We will certainly be rooting / praying for you.

:) Kelly

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I wish we had the answers to your questions, but none of us are God and can't tell you what you want to hear. All I can say is live in the moment and make the most of the time you have now.

Christmas is such an emotional time for many people. We sometimes forget what the real reason is for Christmas. It is not for presents and gifts, it is for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Try not to put the importance on the 25th but put it on today.

As the saying goes, yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a dream, today is a gift. Enjoy it for today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

Praying for us all.


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I am also confused on why chemo is not an option. Is it due to the heart tumor? There are so many to choose from, surely one would be an option. As far as how long, no one knows for sure. Is it possible for you to get a second opinion on your mom's case?

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I don't want to write about what happens when the end is near because I believe it really aint over til its over. It is important that the pain is kept under control. Thank goodness for that part of the medical world. When the end is near you will know it. Thinking of you and hoping for a lot of strength to come your way. Mirrell

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I am sorry I know how frustrated and scared you must be. I also can not give you an answer to your question. It does seem like the doctors care more about the quality of life instead of the quantity.

If she wants to try chemo, I don't understand why her doctor will not let her give it a try. Why don't you ask the doc why not Chemo? But of course you know this would have to be something your mom would want.

I am sorry I cannot be much help to you. Only G-d knows that answer.

My prayers are sent to your mom.

I hope she is comfortable.


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  • 2 weeks later...

I sure wish we all had answers,but it just doesn't seem to work that way. I do want you to ask her doctor as many questions as you can. Just try to find out as much as possible and research it if you don't understand his response to your questions.

In the mean time I'll keep your family in prayer. I'll be sending lots of warm hugs your way!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you everyone for the kind words and information ... Made it through christmas Thank God...took mom home from the hospital the week prior ...now under 24 hour care..new tumor (maybe different strand of cancer who knows) in the adrenal gland caused blood clots and now on coagulants...was to have radiation starting monday went to have tatooing today and set up the room and all for next week ...get a call after home now radiation is on hold and need to go and have tatooing redone...new catscan...last one done on dec 3 showed tumor in the adrenal gland to be 4.9 cm from original 1 mm from sept to dec...causing clots...anyway today they call to inform us the catscan they did today has caused more damage or something (did not go into over the phone...just new priognosis not good ) bleeding out from this tumor and stuff ..so new tatooing and another week of sure hell and the tumor allowing to cause more damage ....Been very upsetting time my aunt mom's sister who has been battling breast cancer passed away on Dec 29 -05 ...funeral was yesterday...so much hurt and turmoil ...we know she is in a much better place no pain and at peace her cancer spread to her brain....we will miss her dearly ....I know this is devastating my mom they were very close and each others support through everything so now mom's is coming to the realization this is a fight she may not win and trying to change her attitude and prespective is now the hardest to deal with and today did not help at all...

Thanks for listening and letting me air my frustrations appreciate all the well wishes and prayers and my love and prayers go out to all who are suffering and putting to rest the devastation this disease really causes for the entire family and supportive groups it affects...God Bless


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