Jana_W Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hi all I am so sick of having to live my life without Mum. Does anyone (everyone?) else feel this way? Not that I don't want to live, please don't take it that way. But I am just so tired of the fact that I have to get used to living without Mum. That I wake up every day and breathe and exist in a world that doesn't have my Mum in it anymore. How can this be? So much has happened since Mum died five months ago. I can't believe it's been five whole months She was never able to meet my baby girl Veronika and share in the joy I have being a new Mummy, she was never able to see our new home finished and too many other things to mention. My heart aches with an emptiness that I am so tired of, yet I don't want to let go of it either. I am also so angry that this has happened and that Mum really did die from the cancer and we couldn't find what could help her. Sometimes I feel like we failed her, and we couldn't find what would make her better. Oh, so many thoughts and feelings but mostly just unbearable sadness. I seem to be doing fine to most people (and I think I really am doing OK), but it's weird how you can go about your every day life doing what you have to do, yet it all feels different. And I won't even start on how much I grieve for my poor Dad who lost the love of his entire world. That is just too hard to explain and far too overwhelming. Jana xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Jana, I am so sorry for the pain you are in.I posted something yesterday that has almost the same words..I too lost my brother almost 3 months ago, the pain is just too much to take..I understand your pain and frustration, and my heart aches for you..We just go on from day to day, not knowing how..We are numb and the feeling goes on and on..It seems there is no escape from the emptiness, and the hurt.I feel like I am going crazy at times, forgetting what i am doing..You are not going through this alone, not that this makes it any easier..Please know I am here if you need to talk..You are in my prayers.. God bless, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 (((((((((((((((((((((((JANA))))))))))))))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdjenkins Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Dear Jana, I'm so sorry for your heart ache. Just remember that your Mom sees your baby girl everyday. She is with you always now. Peace to you, Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel M Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Jana, I can empathize completely with what you've written. I often begin to feel overwhelmed and anxious when I contemplate a life without my Mom. What helps me is to try to take one day at a time. I focus on surviving today and those baby steps help me move forward. I'm sending a big hug and prayers your way, Jana. Hang in there. Kel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fay A. Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 (((Jana))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calintay Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Hugs and prayers for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 Grief has no time line. It hasn't been that long. You are fine, and will be okay. Blessings. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted January 24, 2006 Share Posted January 24, 2006 My tummy aches for your mum to be with you too. Cindi o'h kisses to Veronika Pictures? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Dear Jana, I can really identify with this comment: I seem to be doing fine to most people (and I think I really am doing OK), but it's weird how you can go about your every day life doing what you have to do, yet it all feels different. You nailed it with that one. It just all feels so different. Getting up, going to work, going to the store, going to bed, going out to eat with others, and not having our loved one to tell all the stupid stuff of the day that doesn't really matter a hill of beans, but is just stuff you talked about it. I find myself telling my boss about the guy that cut me off on the road, or the funny thing one of my dogs did, or something stupid like that. I usually catch myself and stop and realize that he doesn't care about that crap. I guess Don really didn't care, either, but I listened to his crap and he listened to mine. LOL! That's just what you do with people like my Don and your Mum. I think that's what makes close people close - being able to "shoot the breeze" about nothing and just enjoy each other's company and having someone to share silly things and serious things with. You're right - it all just feels different. I understand. (((((((((((((JANA))))))))))))))))) Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Hi Jana, I am so sorry for your pain. You would think it would be easier by now. But it is still there. Please take some comfort in knowing that you mom is just in another dimention and she able to share with the joy of your daughter and your new home. Just because she is no longer physically here, she does exist and she is with you through all your good times, and is sad that you greive so much for her. I pray this gets easier for you Jana. I have mention this before to other people and I feel it is good therapy, especially if you have a little one you want to share so much of your mom with. You can start a scapbook for Veronika. With pictures and thoughts that are so clear to you right now. Something Veronika will always have and cherish. There are scrap books stores out there that have some really good creative stuff. You can make it a hobby. Take care, peace be with you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.