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LC pt living with a smoker


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Does anyone have any links or information on what are the detrimental effects of second hand smoke on a patient who has advanced LC? My dad, despite seeing what my mom is going through and our pleas...he WILL NOT stop smoking in the house around my mom! It is so darn frustrating that he can't see the forest through the trees! He says the damage is done and I keep telling him that it affects her immune system and decreases her ability to fight the cancer and stay healthy!

He has an appt with the family doctor on Monday and I am so close to calling him and asking doc to talk to him about it. Maybe he will listen to him. I just want to scream at him when I am talking to him on the phone and I can hear the telltale sigh of him blowing the cigarette smoke out! His only excuse is that he has been smoking for 50 years and its hard...DUH...If it was easy, more people would not smoke! He hasn't even tried...

Thanks for listening to my rant!

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the decision to quit will have to be his and his alone. and maybe he will never quit, no matter what the circumstances are...but

You can talk to him about a compromise, until he is ready to make the decision to quit.

In a non combative way, explain to him that he is an intelligent man- he KNOWs the health risks of smoking and what it does to people. If he wants to do it to himself- that's his choice. But the way he is doing it now effects your mom and the rest of the family. Tell him that you would like a compromise- you will stop being angry and stop "lecturing" him on things he already knows about smoking- IF he takes his smoking OUTSIDE and away from your mom.

I know this doesn't help solve the addiction- but it would solve the immediate problem that this is causing your mom.

Good luck.

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This was posted in our LC NEWs section. Not on second hand smoke, but nontheless, interesting.

Joined: 25 Feb 2004

Posts: 719

Location: Chester, VAl

Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:19 pm Post subject: NICTONE MAY INHIBIT CHEMO FROM WORKING

I saw a little blip on Good Morning America this morning that nicotine prevents chemo from working. I found these two stories. Well worth reading.

www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/health/3765859.html

www.medicalnewstoday.com/healthnews.php?newsid=40829

Best Wishes,

Dee

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We have tried the reasoning tact with him and he maintains that the damage is done already and what good will it do. When she came home from the hospital he did start to smoke outside...it didn't last long...Our family has tried to be supportive and non-lecturing but it is getting hard. With the weather getting nice, I don't see why he can't go out on the deck or out to his garage (which is nicer than a lot of houses!) to smoke.

I will go to those posts Joanie...maybe I can find something that would be convincing!

Oh well, onward and outward!

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Plain and simple, he's being selfish. Bust him for it, "damage has already been done" is a load of crap. Do you think that when you were a child and cracked a window in the house with a baseball, he would have let you knock the damn thing out because "the damage had already been done"?

He's being childish, nothing wrong with him going outside to smoke or to the garage, he just doesn't want to. Ridiculous... If your mother ever goes on oxygen, he'll blow them both away - after all, the damage has already been done...

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I can't come up with anything better than what Katie and Ry said. I went back and looked at some of your other posts, but I couldn't find any mention of whether your mom is an ex-smoker....if she is, Dee's links will give you lots of useful info. to gently help your dad see that making an adjustment really will support your mom in a big way. I tried to find info. directly on second-hand smoke issue, but I came up empty on that one -- other than risks to children and adolescents on making existing symptoms of things like asthma worse.

I am talking from personal experience here as well. My mom was a long-time smoker before this hit -- she hasn't smoked since dx, but then she hasn't been in an environment where she easily could so far. I still smoke after 3 unsuccessful attempts to stop during my life. When mom comes home, I had already planned to "take it outside" and don't plan on ever smoking around her because I know how hard it is to stay "clean," especially under the stress she's got now with her dx and other life changes over the last year. That's my choice, but....it's what I want to do in support of her AND me (might just be the ticket to get me to quit too for good, I hope, especially with no smokers immediately around me anymore this time; get the whole house and cars cleaned...fresh start....ooo so appealing)....it's really nothing more than changing my habits of "my habit" until I quit for good.

HOWEVER, when I imagine mom or a doctor imposing restrictions on me right now, I just get ticked off inside. Almost is a rebellion thing related to not wanting to give away control & decision-making in one's own life to anyone....it's gotta' come from within. I could argue that the changes I am planning are really for me and not mom at all. I quite frankly was relieved when my own doctor told me not to quit now (makes it my choice that much more).

Snowflake may be right on the selfishness issue, but nonetheless it doesn't help resolve the situation. What the mental mindset is, I don't know, but here's some more in my history: when I was a teen, I developed allergies and really, really bad asthma was my primary symptom -- even though the allergist told my mom to not smoke around me, she got mad ("no one is going to tell me what to do in my own house" etc. etc.) and she didn't change her behavior around me one bit -- made it really hard for me to breathe too at the time (I outgrew it). During all these years of smoke-free restaurants emerging, mom would not go to any restaurant that didn't permit smoking; pretty soon, our family was never going out!.

Go figure. I hope I am helping with some insight from personal experience -- the whole family is affected with the LC dx, including your dad. Some sort of compromise without your dad being made out to be "the bad guy" is about the best I think you can hope for right now.

Hugs,

Linda

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He is selfish. My first reaction and still is anger. So I can't say much. A lot of it depends on your mom. She will have to tell him not to smoke in the house I think...I dunno...obviously you want to find a way to work it out amicably. But getting a court order to force him to not smoke in the house crossed my mind. Of course, this is not a real solution.

It just seems to me that he would naturally want to help his wife by not smoking in the house. Maybe he is in shell shock. "the damage is done" ... at first I thought he was talking about himself and that he was the one that has cancer. But it is not him that has the cacner . It is his wife. And all he can say is the damage is done. Unbelieveable. Incomprehensible. I am sorry I can't be of more help.

Don M

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Most people believe once we get lung cancer, we have a death sentence. NOT TURE! I'm soon to be an 11 year survivor of lung cancer. HOWEVER, I too thought to myself when I was dx.d that I didn't have a chance in hell of beating this monster, because I didn't know anyone who did. :roll:

Your dad is just NOT educated on the facts of lung cancer. Help him to learn people DO live after they have been dx.d and after they complete there treatments. Show him all of us that Survived Lung Cancer. Bring him to the LCSC BOARD and let him read!

He's not being selfish, he comes from the old school and that's what he honestly believes. He just needs to hear that people with Lung Cancer DO LIVE! :wink:

And if you don't mind my asking, what does your mother say about him smoking in the house? She might have to be the one to ask him to stop.

Could you do me and others a big favor and take a minute to fill out the Profile so we know what type of cancer your mom has, and her treatments, etc please? It REALLY Helps us to help YOU!

Good luck and God Bless.

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My mom was a smoker prior to her diagnosis...

Anyway, I really believe it is selfishness that my dad hasn't tried to take it outside.

Snowflake...I like the way you think! The analogy of the window really hits home and I think I may change it around a little that would make him really think...like taking a baseball bat to his precious restored car...Maybe putting it in a way he can understand might be helpful.

Thanks to everyone and their advice...I will get around to do the profile this weekend!

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Connie is right on.....education is important. I have been doing some digging around with a search engine since my other post to you and I have found this link so far that might help you:

http://www.chestjournal.org/cgi/content/full/125/2/439

Purpose: To describe respiratory symptoms and pulmonary function among long-term survivors of non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC), and their relationship to quality of life (QOL).

Results: ....... Survivors exposed to second-hand smoke (28%) were more than three times as likely to report respiratory symptoms. Respiratory symptom burden contributed to diminished QOL in several domains. (that's second-hand smoke exposure after dx if I read this thing right: where's RandyW and our other research gems????).

It's a study and can look intimidating and hard to grasp: I'll look some more a bit later today and see if I can find anything more that is directly relevent to an existing LC dx and what happens with continued exposure to help you help your dad with this. I can't believe that if he had some direct evidence to say that his current line of reasoning is wrong, he would continue to be difficult in this matter -- it might help turn around the resistance if he can see that it really will make a difference to your mom.

Linda

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That's our RandyW -- good links to check out.

Well, I've spent another couple of hours trying to directly address the idea of useful educational info. after an LC dx -- I bombed for what I was looking for to help you further. But, I did find this one that might somehow indirectly help you:

http://www.cancersource.com/SupportLove ... 39,QACAR39

I know this Q&A link is addressing how to deal with the patient about smoking, but the wording in the answer may help you address your dad in a manner that he won't find threatening ... see what you think; only you really know what might work here in your family.

I am bookmarking this site as well, just because it looks like it's got a ton of useful stuff in it for this journey. (I'm still info. gathering too).

Linda

P.S. Randy's links will provide info. that shows that nicotine is present in second-hand smoke (I didn't know that): makes Dee's link info. directly relevent to your case with your dad....just another plus in wearing down the excuses of not "taking it outside."

I hope he listens to you and I must say, thank you for posting this issue. All the work I just put in to trying to help you has just built up my own conviction that much more (as a family member who still smokes) to be certain I don't fall-back on my own plans for "taking it outside" when my mom comes home!!

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