janehill Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Wow, I still feel stunned. Mom's being released today and when I spoke with her doctor, he asked me what I think he should do. I love this guy - super aligned with mom's treatment plan from the perspective of her limited physical abilities and not as her former oncologist (he was appointed when she was diagnosed and I dumped him immediately) who wanted my mom to endure IV chemo in her condition - which would have been catastrophic. At any rate, I still wasn't prepared for his question and I asked, "what do you mean?" He said, "look, your mom has been telling me she doesn't want to live this way, feeling so unwell and hospitalizations every other month and problems and that she just wants to die." And he said that maybe the answer is stopping the Tarceva and engaging hospice if that's what she wants. I know this is true because she's said it to me and everyone else - yet it was tough to hear from him. He asked, "what does that mean - is yes really yes here or is it a no." In other words, he was trying to understand what her real wishes are and not what she only says. And it's a very valid question. My mother, being the secret agent that she is, is impossible to read. I told him that if it were me and I truly wanted to end it, I would refuse the Tarceva. So I think that although she says she wants to go, her actions speak more clearly. I really just wasn't prepared for that conversation but I left it off as this: Please leave her on the Tarceva and tell her that she is free to take treatment breaks as often and for as long as she deems necessary to regain her strength and well being and to heal her skin, which cracks and hurts - but is minimal in comparison to what others go through. He agreed. But the entire talk was strange. Trust me, my mom is almost 8 months out from diagnosis of a malignant pleural effusion (Stage IIIB) and, truthfully, I feared she'd be gone before Thanksgiving - that's how badly she was doing. She's had her ups and downs but, basically, she seems pretty okay to me. Do you guys think I did the right thing? Advice welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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