depressing me!

[RAY A]

I know some people are going to think i'm crazy but all I find my self-doing lately is reading about life after death. I been doing really good this week but had a real bad week last week. Was in bed for the whole week. Find out I was dehydrated and was taking too many sleeping pills. Anyway I want to learn and be ready for death if it comes and I feel, the more I prepare to die the easier it is to live. I’m tired of living my life with this cancer.

thanks for listening

[bluebayou]

Doesn't sound crazy to me!! If somehow it helps you in the now to prepare for the future...then by all means. Whatever makes your life easier is a good thing

I have been doing something very similar. I haven't even started treatment yet and I find myself researching subjects such as palliative care. Now THAT for sure will sound crazy to some but it somehow reassures me in the now to know that there are comforting places that exist for us and others if we indeed end up at that point.

God Bless us all!![/b]

[Carleen]

(((((((((RAY))))))))))))

Ray, I don't think you are crazy. I think you are dealing with the reality that all of us have been given. At some time all of us are going to die, it's just that most of us ignore that fact until something comes up to push it right in our face. With LC it is a very real possibility. Some of us choose to look only towards hope and the positive, but there is nothing wrong with doing whatever it is that brings you comfort.

We've all been dealt a Sh!t hand, but you are playing your cards the only way you know how and doing what you feel is right for you. Who is to say that is wrong.

I am praying for you, may God Bless you Ray and bring you better days.

[dadstimeon]

Hello Ray,

It is understandable about how you feel. And yes knowledge is the key with what we are dealing (life and death) with and to prepare ourselves and get all our ducks in line. What works best for me is I take one day at a time. I cannot change the past nor can I control the future. I Make the best of that day and do what my energy allows me to do. At this point in the game it becomes mind over matter. Rather then let the cancer control my life, I try to control my cancer. I break my day down. I walk for an hour a (most days) day. There are times when I want to be with my family, times when I want to be with my friends, and times when I want to be alone to think and reflect about my situation. Do you belong to a support group? I believe that only people who have or had this terrible disease really understand how we feel and can offer a lot of insight? And yes I’m also tired of living with cancer. But the key is we are still alive. Hope this helps. Take care and God Bless.

Rich (dadstimeon@aol.com)

PS: Click below for the The Wellness Community website. I go there. It’s a great place to go for support and information. They have one in your state.

http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org

[Tami]

Ray,

when I was first diagnosed I felt like such a fighter. I did the tests, took the chemo, radiation, surgery after surgery, I researched it and did everything I could. But I don't believe I could do that all over again, I'm a single parent and I went to every dr. appoinment alone, every chemo, every surgery, everything alone. I was always so scared. If my kids were older I don't believe I would fight so hard-but as they are young I feel like I should put them first and me second and fight. I think that's why the test scare me so much now. I have x-rays and I'm due for another one but I just can't go-I get physically ill, shake and panic so much now I can't hold still. I think about death and wonder about the afterlife etc. I'm a christian so that is a help to me but I'm still scared. I've been reading books and researching a gentleman who is a medium (I know this is strange) for over a year now. He does "readings" about loved ones passed on and also about the afterlife and I believe in his ability. (he is not that person on TV) I know that I will eventually seek a "reading" from him but more than anything in some strange way he comforts me when he talks about death etc. This is something I would've never even considered let alone put any "faith" into. But not anymore. I think that you should do what you feel comforts you and what you need to do. Unless you are going through it you don't understand the emotion of it all. Obviously I don't want you to give up but do what you feel you need to.

[RAY A]

Dont get me wrong! IM NOT GIVING UP AT THE LEAST!!!!

But I envoy the people who have seen death and have come back and were no longer affraid of it. They end up living a better life knowing there is "LIFE AFER DEATH"

[onelunger]

Hi Ray, This probably won't help in the least, but thought I would mention it. When i was 21 years old, I had a tubal pregnancy and didn't know it. I had been going to a doctor who misdiagnosed me, just put me on birth control pills for six weeks. Well, needless to say, the tube ruptured and peritonitis set in. I have always been very thankful my regular doctor (at that time) wasn't available when I went to the office that day. A nurse took one look at me, took my blood pressure and vitals and sent me immediately to the hospital. The on call doctor did exploratory surgery on me after which he told my mother I had a 2% chance of surviving. That was 36 years ago, and from that time on, I have had no fear of death because I know that if I hadn't woken up from the surgery, I wouldn't have known it. I do dread the pain and helpless feelings that I know are in my future, but they do not scare me. What I hate is having my loved ones have to go through this. If only there were some way to ease their mental pain and suffering, that's what I pray for each and every day. I too am fighting with every ounce of strengh I have, but try not to be afraid, ok......God Bless you Ray...hang in there and keep up the good fight. Mary ps...like I said, this message probably won't help at all, but the right thoughts are with you

[RAY A]

IT DOES HELP THANKS. I feel the same way. I have never really been affraid of dying. Dying is easy. I just dont want to think about my family suffering over it. Me and my boys are real close. Like I told my wife one day I will be ok as long as I know that they will be OK and she told me that if I died they were not gonna be ok with that. That will go on and be ok but they will not accept me dyeing so easy

[kimblanchard]

Ray,

When my mother died a few years ago, I read every book I could find on life after death to gain information and comfort. Some of the ones I remember were by Betty Eadie, Melvin Morse (one about children), Raymond Moody, James Van Praagh, and George Anderson. I even went to see John Edward but was only in the audience and didn't speak one on one with him. You are certainly not crazy and I still find the subject very interesting to explore.

Blessings to you friend,

Peg

[Don Wood]

Ray, we are ALL tired of living with this cancer, so you have much company and you are not crazy, at least not about that (ha ha). Don

[kimblanchard]

Ray

Since I have been diagnosed with lung cancer I have felt the same way as you are describing and looked into the same subjects. I asked my husband on one particular bad day how he does it. He had 2 open heart surgeries, was living on an artifical heart after the last one, has congestive heart failure and was not supposed to be around these past twelve years, his answer to my question of how he does it, "one day at a time" he says every day he wakes up is a gift and he lives it the best he can and enjoys every single second of it. That is all any of us can do, and I have tried to emulate him and he is right, every day is a gift. Today is all we have, yesterday is gone and who knows if there is a tomorrow

Bess B

[Ry]

Well I don't think you're weird or depressing. I have always loved to read about reincarnation and life after death. I love the idea that maybe we get to come back and do it better the next time. I have always been interested in this stuff even as a kid I read all the books by and about Edgar Cayce.

When my husband was first diagnosed needless to say he didn't handle it too well. One night we were sitting in our living room and he was sobbing. It was horrible. Next thing I knew our daughter (age 3 then) comes in and hands him the book, "Going Within, a guide for Inner Transformation" by Shirley MacLaine. I don't know where she ever found it, I didn't even realize I still had it. I read it like in 1989 and hadn't seen it since. It was truly a wooo hooo Rod Serling moment. So read away Ray and let us know what you find that's good.

Oh, what was even weirder was John read the book, took it to chemo, got some real strange looks from the nurses. But for some reason I think someone thought he needed some help and sent him that book.

[norme]

Ray,

My husband Buddy has always said that what will be will be and if he doesn't make it through this cancer then so be it. He will not live day by day worried if he is going to die. Well, with all the bad reports he was getting the past three weeks he told me and our son and family that he probably wouldn't be hear on earth very long now. Well, after all the wrong scans were discovered, our daughter-in-law said to him yesterday, "well it looks like you are not going to die, so what are your plans for living now". We all had a good laugh.

So don't plan to much on not being here, things can turn on a dime.

[stephnewyork34]

Ray,

I think it is perfectly healthy to read up on it. I am not even sick and I do that, I offten wonder if it is like in that movie with Albert Brookes, Defending yout Life? Or a version of it, or will I be a Ghost? Grin reaper? or go peacefully into a place like Seattle (my heaven). Will it be like "what Dreams May Come"? I wonder so much about it. and I agree you need to do what you need to do to help your mental health.

*tisk tisk *on being dehydrated! Drink lots of water all the time, mucho important!!!!

Hope you are feeling better this week.,

*hugs*

[gail]

Bernie Siegel's How to be an Exceptional Patient talks a lot about facing death. Remember too that he said "You are either living or you are dead".

enjoy today

gail

[Candy]

I think what your doing is perfectly normal Ray. Since Hugh got sick I have thought so often about all of it. I have always been so afraid of death and since I have lost Hugh I am no longer afraid. I have never really known what I believed in regarding life after death, I wasn't even sure I believed there was really anything. But, there are so many things out there I just know there is something. The moment my Hugh drew his last breath the clock on the hospital wall ground loudly to a halt, shuddered as if it would fall off the wall and then returned to normal. It was so noticeable that the four of us in the room all looked at each other and at the clock and back to Hugh and we have talked often about it since. When my son and I left the hospital that night and got in the car Hugh's door wouldn't unlock (still doesn't and its a brandnew car) and when we got in and sat down my cell phone which was off and out of batteries turned on by itself, stayed on for a few seconds and shut back off. Again, my son and I just stared at one another. Coincidence? Maybe. And maybe our feeling that it was Hugh somehow telling us it was okay is just our defense mechanism. I don't have the answer, I only know that those 3 things seem to me to be way to weird to be purely coincidence. I finally feel like I KNOW that there is something out there after we leave this earth.

That said, while I think reading about all of this stuff and deciding what you believe in, I think you are a strong guy and you can kick butt. You will have days when you feel too tired to deal with it but always believe tomorrow will be better.

[Remembering Dave]

Ray,

I can tell you that this whole cancer experience has really changed Dave and I. We found ourselves being drawn closer to God after deciding to adopt Faith, we honestly felt that He had called us to her, we started attending church regularly and joined a new church, and then with his diagnoses it really hit home with us both. Especially him. For me, it was sort of like: I can say I am a certain religion, belief, but when it comes right down to the wire, you have to be able to put your money where your mouth is. Are you really prepared for what comes next after life on earth? Isn't that what it's all about? If you are, you shouldn't fear death. I also think you shouldn't exactly welcome it, either, because God wants us to enjoy our lives on earth, live them to our fullest, and not want to leave them, especially to leave our loved ones.

I believe thinking about what comes next is fine. I don't think it means you're giving up. And I'm glad you brought up the subject. I'm sure it's something alot of us think about but are not sure how to talk about.

take care, and God Bless you,

Karen C.