Tanner Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Karen started chemo - taxotere - yesterday. She is on another trial that pairs up tax with talabostat or a placebo pill taken twice a day. God please let this work. Her OT brought over a wheelchair and a walker two days ago. Karen is having a hard time getting around. Tomorrow, my kid sister and kid brother are coming over to help me hang safety bars everywhere and make wide walkways for Karen to manuver. She can't make the one step up into our home so we are gonna make a ramp for her. Insurance won't cover it. God please let this work. I am so stressed out. I can't leave her at home alone. I can't leave her at home with the girls (3 and 5). I can't bathe alone. I have infinte patience and compassion for Karen but I am really taking it out on the girls. What does it really hurt to have ice cream for breakfast? And lunch? And dinner? My girls love their dairy. I present them with the nutritional stuff - but all they want is ice cream. And come to think of it, that's all I want too. Please God let this work. Tanner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Oh Tanner: my prayers go out to you and Karen and your precious girls. There is no doubt you are all on overload. Is there any community support you can tap into to help you get through this? Do you belong to any church group or anything like that? Prayers that this chemo cocktail will work and your lives will regain some sort of sanity. Good Luck & God Bless wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raneyf Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Hope this chemo works for Karen. Can someone help give you a break with anything? I can still care for the kids and my house and myself, but sometimes my mom will stop by and get the kids breakfast, or my grandma will come over and help with laundry. Maybe someone just needs to be asked? I'm sorry you have such a large load. I'm sorry if there's no one to help you. My family is so great - I don't know what we'd do without them. As far as ice cream for all meals, my son would drive me nuts because of the sugar! He'd be bouncing off the walls! Prayers for this to turn Karen around. Raney Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtay Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Tanner - saying prayers for you and your family. I hope that this new treatment is successful.((Hugs)) to all of you Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Tanner, I will just add my voice to yours: "Please God, let this work". You,Karen and the girls are in my prayers In the meantime, I too am wondering if you have any help from family or friends. I know this has to be very, very difficult for you with such young children Please maintain your obvious strength, and please keep us posted. MC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Tanner, Next time someone says "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know", please say "As a matter of fact, I need help with prepared meals that I can just warm up." In my caregiving journey, I would get so frustrated with people offering to help, but doing nothing. I figured out that you need to ask for specific help bc people are oblivious or don't want to overstep their grounds. Where are you guys located? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 OH, duh. So now I see you are in Colorado. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Do you have an older teen in the neighborhood that you could pay to take the girls out for a little while every day? She could take them to McDonald's or a movie so you could have a couple of hours to relax and shower? If you family, ask them to take the girls for awhile. Karen should be eligible for home care - have you checked? You are exhausted, and you need some help. Maybe if you call the American Cancer Society near you they would have some options. I am hoping the taxotere works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 My heart goes out to all of you, Tanner. What a difficult situation. Is there a social worker at the onc.'s practice or in the hospital that might be able to help with suggestions? School is ending soon and you might be able to get the girls into a camp situation. good luck to all of you. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Tanner, Just good wishes for successful treatment and big hugs for you and yours. Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanner Posted May 19, 2007 Author Share Posted May 19, 2007 The teen I trust is only 15 - can't drive yet. I am hoping to get her help over the summer on saturdays for a few hours to get caught up on grocery shopping etc. While she qualifies to get a daily nurse - we can't afford it and insurance does not cover it. My closest family member is over an hour away. They do great, my kid sister comes up at least twice a month and kid brother comes up once a month. I have asked for help from friends more times than I am comfortable doing. I have been very specific. But they fall through about 80% of the time. There are about 3 families that cook for us twice a month. But when I ask that someone just come sit with Karen and talk, they all disappear. Karen feels so isolated just having us and her home health nurse who comes twice a week to check up on her. I did have an out of state friend come last weekend to do my dishes and play with the girls and do a few loads of laundry. That was terrific! But she's in Houston - in town for the weekend. Camp over the summer? We can't afford it. And my big girl has a sensory integration issue and a learning disability that makes mainstream camps too difficult for her. And the special camps for her are WAY too expensive. Maybe I need my other brother to just move in with us. He is unattached and rents from a friend right now. I don't know. I don't want to admit how difficult it is for me right now. Stiff upper lip an all that. Thank you guys for your continued support and advice. It means so much to me. Tanner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Do you live near a college? You might find that nursing majors or early childhood ed majors might be able to fashion unpaid internships that count toward college requirements. Maybe you can find a sorority that would love to help out -- I was always involved in activities like that when I was in college and it was always so rewarding to me. High school future teachers or future nurses clubs? Big Brothers/Big Sisters? You're incredible, Tanner. I sincerely hope things improve for all of you. Hang in there. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Ferguson Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 This is the same trial I was on. E-mail me if I can help. 801000@sbcglobal.net My best, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 In KY, there are summer camps through the YMCA and the fees are based on your income. Just an idea... It makes me so sad to hear that Karen feels isolated and you are obviously overwhelmed. I will keep trying to think of other possibilities that may help out during this most difficult time. Hang in there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Hi Tanner, I don't have any practical advice except what has already been given. We don't have children at home, so I can't even imagine what that's like. One of the favors you might ask of a friend (or a social worker at the hospital) is to check into local charities, churches, cancer support centers, meals on wheels -- anything that might offer some assistance. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I'm praying this new combo does the trick. P.S. If you think your brother is willing and able to help and that it would be a positive thing, ask him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Hi Tanner: I hope the new trial works and you all get a break soon. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mendy Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Tanner, Life is so unfair. My heart is breaking for you. Like you I have a 3 and a 5 year old. I tried my best during treatment to meet my husband's needs and be a good wife but I knew that the kids were my priority. You are in an impossible spot. Maybe your brother does need to stay with you. Your wife needs so much more than my husband did physically and I know how tired I was holding everything together for months. I wish you the best and am sorry that I can't offer you more than support. Mendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Still praying "God please let this work" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Add my name to the list. God please let this work wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janehill Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Tanner, I UNDERSTAND. Lord, how I understand. It's times like these that I know how critical it is to have a very big and very caring family who lives NEAR BY and friends who pull through in bad times (not just for the fun times) and neighbors who come with a casserole once a week without being asked. When someone is in need, It's NEVER an imposition to bring a dish or call with tickets to a movie and ask "which night this week can I take the kids to the movies?" or "pick two hours this week that I can sit with..." Tanner, you have a TON on your plate. If the kids want to have ice cream for each meal, fine - let them. It's a dairy and a protein. We can't worry about the bed not being made in a house that's on fire. You have far more pressing things on your plate than 3 square meals for kids who will be nutritionally fine in the long run. DO NOT beat yourself up about that. You're being an awesome dad and husband, and under extraordinary circumstances. As for the idea about your brother moving in - EXCELLENT. You can offer him free rent with a big list of "to do" items. Everything from laundry to grocery shopping to making dinner to taking out the trash to making repairs around the house to busing kids to/from activities (gas at his own expense). Make a very definite list so there is no misunderstanding on what his responsibilities are in lieu of rent. I imagine he'll appreciate the savings in exchange for some labor he can do in his spare time but which will alleviate your burdens tremendously. You're very fortunate to even have a sibling in a position to offer this up to. Take advantage of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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