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dealing with the EX...

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ok sorry this turned into a RANT

long story short... I was supposed to take a small trip to visit my Mother, Sister( who is going to be visiting from HI), and aunt in TN at the end of the month. I have decided that while I would reallllly like to go and do this... my responsibility to my Dad takes precidence(sp?). My mother could care less about my Dad... my sister is my half sister on my mothers side and while Dad is the only Dad she has known she has issues with him too. My poor aunt is like me trying to make everyone happy.

so with his Chemo treatment coming up the same week and the fact that the first treatment landed him in hospital and he has been rather week since I decided that I wasnt comfortable leaving to be over 12 hours away by car leaving my Dad with only my husband to look after him... My husband bless his heart tries but he wouldnt know what meds to give him or what to watch for or to make sure that dad is doing ok because he doesnt know whats ok for him as he is now... so I sent a letter saying I CANT go... Im not coming... and NOW Im waiting for the whiplash from it.

I have already gotten slapped for just saying I really dont think I can make it. I got the your aunt clean house and worked sooo hard to make it to where everyone can be there. you are really disappointing me.... I was soo stunned.

when I hung up I got so Mad I mean really WTF? my Dad may be dying... an all they can think of is my inconvienceing them... I mean really I just "penciled" in DAD to have CANCER in JUNE 07 in my planner to avoid doing something I want to do. what about me an my feelings do they even have a clue what this occurance has done to me and my life?

anyway...so do y'all think I did the right thing?

I think I did... I just need some affermation :roll:

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Yup, you got it right. There were many times that I had to tell people "I just can't right now, I'm sorry" along the way. Whether it was visiting my friends in MO (just three hours away) or going down to OKC for a weekend "away" (another friend even offered to pay for it!) I had to decline because I wasn't comfortable being away and I'll never regret those choices.

It's what will make YOU (and your dad) comfortable that counts right now. The rest will be there to deal with another time when you have more energy and time to give to dealing with it.

Hope his next round doesn't hit him as hard!!!

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I think your dad is a very blessed man, because he has a daughter that loves him so much!

I guess it's hard for people who aren't going thru this on a daily basis, to understand.

Things change too quickly with cancer. One day will be excellent, the next day you might end up at the ER....

Sounds to me like you're making a good decision.


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You did the right thing. I have on a number of occassions cancelled "outings" I had done in the past

to be with Alan. It is what felt right in my heart

and my gut and I believe this is what you felt also.

Go with what "feels" right for you and your Dad right

now. That is what is most important.

Continued prayers for both you and your Dad.

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Hi, kaneohegirl, absolutely you are doing the right thing. I read your letter (posted on your livejournal.com blog) and it helps to clarify the situation. If your mother reads it with an open mind, she should understand. If she doesn't, then that's her loss, not yours. Your Hawaii roots are intact, and to you "ohana" means responsibility, not party time.

[Note to others: Ohana means family and has a special significance to many here, not just native Hawaiians. That feeling was probably common on the mainland some years ago, but a lot of it has been lost since people move around so much these days. In Hawaii, "moving" is more likely to mean to a new home 10 miles away rather than to another state.]



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I remember at one point feeling guilty for missing yet ANOTHER day of school to take my mom to one of her many app'ts. My principal, bless her heart, was a very understanding woman who told me that, in the long run, I would never regret the time I did spend with my mom. She was right.

You shouldn't regret any time you spend with your dad. The rest of the folks can get over it.

:) Kelly

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