tjrasMOM Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I haven't posted in a while...I guess simply because my mom has been feeling so normal. Ever since her hospital stay this summer, her life went back to normal. She has been feeling great and breathing normal. Just the past week or so I've noticed her SOB and coughing a bit here and there. I've been keeping up on reading posts, just haven't been writing too much here. So, after 2 weeks of trying to get a port put in & her platelets dropping down to FOUR (4) !!! She finally was able to get the port yesterday. I picked her up when I got off work but she had about an hour that she just read her book and waited for me. Well, the outpatient nurse kept talking to Mom while she waited for me. The nurse first ticked Mom off by asking her if she was a smoker. My mom said, "Ya know, I'm really tired of answering that question...." Then the (young) nurse comes back in and starts telling her about her co-worker who died from lung cancer. She even went and got her photo from the nurses station to show my mom what a beautiful woman she was. When I walked in my gut feeling was, "Why in the hell is this NURSE telling my mom about another nurse who DIED from lung cancer????" Apparently, before I got there my mom had tried to be polite and take part in the nurse's conversation about her deceased co-worker. My mom asked, "how long did she go through treatment before she died?" The nurse said, "Oh, I don't want to tell you because it wasn't very long....and I don't want to make you upset!" OMG!!!! Are you for real lady!????? Could you be any more inappropriate??? Are you really THAT stupid????? So, I am writing a formal complaint to the head of that department and I'm going to rip into that department for not properly training their staff. OMG!! Every time I repeat this story......I start to shake. My mom blew it off like, "Oh what a tacky nurse....like I needed to hear that..." But I have no idea how much it really scared my mom. My mom told my cousin who is a fireman captain & he was livid. All of us want to write letters. UGH!!!! We didn't freak out in front of Mom....but man, we were all looking at each other & you could see the fire building in each one of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Sorry this happened to your Mom. Sounds like this idiot nurse would be a perfect assistant to the hissy fit doctor that my husband had in the hospital. He couldn't wait to express how my husband would be dying soon. Leela's found an optometrist that could make it a real "group" practice of morons. Must be full moons or something. Any additions from anyone else? Kind of reminds me of this seminar I saw posted on the University of Wisconsin, Madison site titled "Lung Cancer – a Man-Made Disease; Speaker: Heine Hansen, M.D., Ph.D., National University Hospital, Copenhagen, Denmark. UWCCC Grand Rounds, 1345 Health Sciences Learning Center." Isn't that special! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leela Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I'm so sorry this happened to your mom! WTH is wrong with her? Medical professionals should be required to have sensitivity training or something. If not, then do a job where you don't have contact with patients. Geez! As Welthy mentioned, I just posted about this under General. Thankfully, he said it to me and not my mom. I know for sure if there is a next time someone says something so stupid, I will be sure to respond in turn. Good for you for filing a complaint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Sounds like she may really have liked that nurse that died. Perhaps she needs to deal with that, her employer could help them deal with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Unbelievable. I can't imagine! Stay strong, and use the words you get here to drive you....rather than the words of an obviously un-trained nurse! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredmom959 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 This infuriates me more than anything I've come across when people asked if my mom smoked. You know,I have a 13 year old daughter who, upon her recent "well" check up, had the first part of that vaccine their giving against development of cervical cancer. I was reading the possible causes of cervical cancer in the literature they gave me ... the chances of contraction rises in women who had a higher number of sexual partners, began having sexual relations before the age of 18, or has a partner who has had sexual contact with a woman with cervical cancer. So, does this mean the next time I hear someone has cervical cancer I should say, "geez, too bad, are you a sl*t?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I've been sitting here trying to recall the most memorable examples of stupidity directed at me over the years -- not so much about cancer, but in general -- and the thing that struck me the hardest is that I've NEVER been able to come up with just the right response at the time. Oh, a few seconds or minutes or hours later, sure, all sorts of neat comments flow through my head, but by then the moment has passed. So I turned it around and tried to recall (this was much easier, unfortunately) some of the most idiotic things I myself have said to others -- never with hurtful intent, more usually as a little joke that wasn't taken as a joke -- and what responses were most effective in cutting me down to size. It turns out that the most thought-provoking responses, those I'm still thinking about years later, were actually all the same -- total silence, along with a stare of disbelief, followed by a parting of the ways with no verbal pleasantries at all. Next time one of these unbelieveable comments comes my way, my challenge will be to summon enough mental agility to avoid saying ANYTHING that will dilute the effectiveness of my silent stare. Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I'm sorry your Mom had to go thru that. Good Grief. I have a niece that is an RN, and to be honest, it would terrify me to have her be my nurse if I was sick. I don't know how some of them make it thru school, but it's apparent that some have chosen the wrong profession. I agree that you should write a letter of complaint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I just had a similar conversation with a friend of mine whose husband is in ICU fighting for his life. He had a nurse that was just very negative with the family and my friend asked to see the nursing supervisor. She then requested that this nurse not be assigned to her husband again. She explained that they could not tolerate her negative attitude etc. The nurse was removed from his case. I am glad you are making a complaint. Please make a phone call to the supervisor and explain the complaint is following in writing. Let us know what happens. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VegasMomOf3 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Ned, your response was AWESOME!!! I'm all for the "silent treatment" in dealing with those that have the foot-in-mouth syndrome. Be Blessed, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 "VegasMomOf3" ...I'm all for the "silent treatment" in dealing with those that have the foot-in-mouth syndrome. As someone I greatly admire once told me, "You can't win a p***ing contest with a skunk." Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VegasMomOf3 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Ned you are tooooooo funny!!! Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Grrrrrrrr! What an idiot nurse. Good for you to file a complaint. In my experience, if they are that ignorant to you or your mother's feelings they can't be confronted. It didn't do me any good when I confronted a nurse that was taking care of my father. She said some real dumb things to me and I tried to go back and talk to her and she still didn't "get it". I love what Ned said! Hehehehe...and someone told me once "you can't fix stupid". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjrasMOM Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 Tiredmom959 -- YOU crack me up!! Ned, you are always great. And yes, nothing quite beats the "deer in the heaadlights" look followed with complete silence. I've received it myself and have been known to stick my foot in my mouth. Mom and I both get upset when people insult us or are rude or inappropriate....but we never have the right come-back until later. My mom has always been know to just REACT...with anger and cussing & telling the people off, even if the person didn't mean to insult her, like this nurse. She wasn't trying to be vindictive. But when I've been insulted, I've been the one who sits in silence and says nothing. This might have a good affect. But after watching Mom and seeing how anger doesn't really make things better, I've learned to wait. Wait until I can focus. I'll vent to others (like this board) and then handle it responsibly, if I hadnle it at all. Mom has relied on me for this. She always loved how I've handled things for her if I've decided to do something. I'm not as upset today as I was when I first posted so I'm sure my letter or phone call will be very rational & calm. The nurse wasn't trying to be mean, it wasn't her fault -- she just wasn't trained properly. It's not the thing to do with your patients. I mean, I received more training to work in a Savings & Loan because I dealt with people's money!! There were things we could not say or do. We had to avoid upsetting customers completely. I would think this would be a given with hospital personnel??? And Donna, yes, the nurse might have been very close to the nurse that died. But to discuss the DEATH of another person who had the same Dx....with a patient or ANYONE with the same Dx, for that matter.....and then back up half way through the conversation, saying, 'Oh, I can't tell you anymore because it might upset you....' Is just not ok. There was another doctor that Mom dealt with at the beginning of all this. Who was one of the first to see her x-ray. She called Mom on a Friday night and said, "This is really, really bad.....it just looks very bad on the x-ray." Hello?! Could you be more specific? Could you ask for the patient to come in and then explain what you saw and why it raises some concern? I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I can pretty much guess that this isn't how you are taught to converse with patients. Not to mention she left Mom with this "Ooooh, it's scary..." on a Friday night. We had to wait all weekend before we could schedule more tests, etc. So, I told another doctor at the same hospital about this. They said that doctors should always be held accountable for their bedside manner. If they want to be a successful doctor in all aspects, they should know when they do something that hurts or scares a patient. Obviously they didn't get into this profession to hurt people. Made a lot of sense. This nurse probably doesn't want to hurt people -- so she should be told that this was not acceptable. Have I rambled enough here? =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Strange how some people think that having cancer stops your brain from reacting to inappropiate (aka rude) statements and questions. I was asked numerous times (and still am) if I smoked......with all the underlying accusations....but I have not once been asked in the 6 months since my breast cancer dx what caused it! Weird how that works, my friend who has survived cervical cancer has not been asked about her sex life but you can guarantee that she will be asked about her smoking habits if she should ever get lc. One day I will forget my manners and tell the smoking inquirer that if they don't know me well enough to know then they don't know me well enough to ask! In the mean time I shall try to feel superior to the dumb a$$es who have no couth Geri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Me too......what Geri has so ELOQUENTLY stated ~ especially the dumb a$$es part ! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredmom959 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 This nurse was bad enough that I wonder about all her social skills ... she may be a little "dim" in that department if you know what I mean. Seriously, haven't you ever met an otherwise intelligent adult who never seemed to mature in that department and made comments and asked questions that my kids did when they were five and six. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonni Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 OMG!!!..No!!!..this is unexceptable...she should be fired....Oh Man...I would have never been able to hold my tongue...and yes she may have really loved her friend who passed with LC...but you don't broadcast it to one who is dx with the same desease.. OMG!!...what a jerk...She should be an actress in a 'horror movie...grrrrr... Anyway...glad you kept your cool...I could NOT have...hugs to your Mom....Nonni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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