cjolaw Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I've been a lurker for a few months since my mother passed away in April. I just haven't known what to say or what to do. She's gone snd I watched her struggle and die and everything goes back to normal??? I take care of the kids, go to work, laugh at jokes, cry during sappy songs... everyone expects it to be normal. It will never be "normal" again. I am having such a difficult time grasping the struggle of humanity. My mother was beautiful, she was strong, she was kind and she was thoughtful, yet she experienced pain and suffering like I've never seen. Yes, hospice was a great help, but yet she struggled and for what? I just simply don't get it. I can't accept it. I close my eyes and I see her last moments, it's still so clear...her face, her hair, her eyes... it's all so clear. I want to push the rewind button on my life. I want to go back to November of 2006 and never hear the words "your mother has advanced lung cancer...the prognosis is not very good" I'm sorry for the crazy rant, it just hurts so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Prayers Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 (((Carrie))) I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful mother. Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBeth Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Carrie, I am so very sorry for your loss and for the pain that loss brings. It is still so fresh, please give yourself some time to heal and I do think that you will eventually return to remembering the happy times with your mother. I, too, had a difficult time with those memories following my husband's death. Please take care of yourself, and I will keep you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Carrie, Iam so sorry for the loss of your beloved mom. She was much too young to be taken from her love ones. But she was blessed to have all of you. Maybe you could make a scrapbook of her to have for your children to view when they get older. Just all kinds of pictures full of memories. Sometimes that could be theraputic. Your mom may have left her physical sick body, but she is with you in spirit, not very far when you need her. She will live on though you and her loved ones and will always be in that special place in your heart that is just for moms. This is still so new and one day it will get easier. Please know that there are so many people on here who unfortunately have walked in your shoes and we are always here for you to vent your feelings. Hang strong and be blessed that she was so wonderful and you have all those wonderful memories that will never die. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 ((((Carrie)))), I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. You are doing the right thing to post them and get them out. You are among friends who understand, sometimes it seems the rest of the world doesn't . Be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrian Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 yes, I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry for both of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steph74 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I understand and feel the SAME exact way, everyone else has gotten on with their life, and I have too - but at least everyday I think about the last few hours before she died, and I cry and think how unfair it was for her to get this disease and to miss out on the one thing she wanted to be - a grandmother. I cry everytime my daughter does something new and my mom's not there, I can't even explain how much I miss her in my life. Everything your thinking and feeling is so normal. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I know time is supposed to heal all wounds, but my father died last October and there are still days that I feel the pain as sharply as if it was yesterday. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I'm so sorry. "Back" to normal never happens. Forward into what ultimately becomes normal does. But it does stink, and you don't like it. But your life does proceed. You do live again. And you do smile, sometimes through tears, at the thoughts of the one you have lost...eventually. Hang in, we'll be here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Carrie, I'm so, so sorry that you lost your mom. I know exactly what you are going through and where you are in all this...it's just so unfair. And yes, your laughing on the outside and going about your life, and everyone thinks you are, or should be, "back to normal". I can honestly say that the people on this board SO get all that. It's the only place I've found where people really get it... Nick said it all...there is a new normal that comes about with time. It's so hard to explain, I don't want to be a hypocrite and say that I'm better, because in many ways I'm not. I guess what I"m saying is that old adage of "You can't go around grief, you have to go through it". Wouldn't it be nice if that weren't true... Again, I'm just sorry to hear of your loss. Our moms are our moms, and that's all there is to it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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