Outrage

[lilyjohn]

I am not quite sure where to post this. It is just something that I have to get off of my chest and I know the people here who are so dear to me and oneanother will understand.

I don't come and post much anymore but I do try to come every few days and read about what is going on with all of you.

I have heard people say that retirement is boring. I can't imagine where they got that idea from I am so busy that I have to just about write a daily schedule to get everything done.

I spend quite a bit of time walking and exercising and also working on 3 family trees, mine, my kid"s dad's side and Johnny 's . That takes a lot of time but the majority of my time is spent doing projects for different charities in our area.

After Johnny died I knew that being a caregiver was very important to me. Unfortunately I had to make a living so I combined to two and found a lot of satisfaction in that. Then I retired. I can't afford to do much but somethings just come easy so I became envolved.

I drive my neighbors when I can and I try to help another who lost her husband and has been having a hard time. She knows that I understand and we have had some very long and emotional conversations. I live in a senior housing apartment so we have a lot of oportunities to help out the community.

I started by crocheting winter scarves for the local homeless mission and then another program we have is crocheting water battle carriers for school children and others. Several months ago several of us started making tissue toppers out of the plastic canvas and donating them to hospice. They are quite nice and there are as many patterns as your imagination can think up. Now we are trying to get as close to 250 as we can for the local meals on wheels program to give to their clients for Christmas. Add my personal family projects and my time is very busy.

Recently we lost one neighbor to cancer. She is really missed then about the same time that she passed another of my neighbors was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her and I often walk together. Her attitude just amazed me and everyone else. Two weeks ago this coming Thursday she had her breast removed , her attitude was still great. Part of the reason for that was the person who was helping her.

Disabled people are allowed to live here as well as seniors. This young man had a very bad back injury and we all took him under our wings. He had a lot of "Mamas" here. He took great care of Nancy after her surgery and even before then started spending most of his time with her. I think most of us found it a little suspecious but he took such good care of her that we thought he was just a good guy.

Thursday she went for her stitches to be removed and was told that the cancer is in her lymph nodes and she will need another surgery tomorrow and then both radiation and chemo. It was that day , the worse day of her life or the day after that this guy asked her for money. He let her know that he expected to be paid and made her feel like she owed him. It was only yesterday that she decided it was time to tell someone.

He caught her at her most vulnerable time and used her. Not only did he disappoint her but he made her feel stupid and used. Once she started talking we learned that he had made some rather grafic sexual requests of her and even told her that he loved her. He is more than 20 years younger than her. He even had the nerve to tell her that she should leave him her car when she dies

She needs support and hope not that kind of talk and not to be used like that. I am outraged and so are all of our neighbors. No one will even look at him much less speak to him. He don't dare try to talk to us

Several minutes ago I saw two ladies from the Senior Protection Agency serve him some papers. His apartment is just down from me a ways. He acted surprised. I guess he didn't think she would have the nerve to file a formal complaint.

We have all gathered in around her and will not let him near her again. Between her family and us we will take care of her and another neighbor and I will go with her to her treatments and doctor appointments if her son or daughter in law can't. This lady has already had a rough life because she is Bi Polar. Please say an extra prayer for her.

I am just so outraged that someone could take advantage of someone at a time like this and I know that you will all understand and share my outrage.

As always my love and prayers are with all of you.

[SandraL]

Oh my gosh Lily. I am outraged along with you. How completely despicable. Thank goodness it didn't get any further and she has you good people to help her out and protect her.

Unfortunately there are these kinds of people in the world. And who knows what circumstances led them to make these kind of poor choices in life. Thankfully the kind people outnumber them. This person is obviously very unhappy themself and is needing to take that out on poor unsuspecting people. In the end they will not be able to feel good about themselves. And really, even though we know they are awful people, I quite often end up feeling sorry for them. I know that doesn't make you feel any better about the situation but it is often where I get to after my initial outrage. These people need help.

Prayers for your friend and all the kind people in your community who are helping her.

Sandra

[Ellen in PA]

Lily, what a horrible story! I wish Nancy the best with her surgery and treatments. But has anyone actually spoken to the guy about it? It might be worthwhile to get his reaction before he's condemned or exiled. Just a thought.

Ellen in PA

[Nick C]

Disgusting.

But these people exist...as sad as that is.

[MsC1210]

Lillian

Of course I am sending many, many prayers for your friend and MANY FOR YOU. TOO!!

As sad and sickening as this story is, it happens and probably more often than anyone knows.

Lillian, thank you for posting this as it MAY help save someone else from going through the same type of situation.

Many hugs

Chris

[Ann]

Although this is a terrible thing to happen, she is very lucky to have you for a friend, Lil. I know what a giving person you are and she will be blessed by your friendship!!!

[Barbb]

You and your neighbors are angels. She is blessed to have you. I hope he gets kicked out of there. No one needs that kind of people.

Barb

[Don M]

Lily: She has my prayers and bless and your friends in your life of service.

Don M

[kathy86]

This very thing happened to my mother in law. Unfortunatley he started in on her when she moved to florida in her 50's. He moved her to his hometown of Chicago, used her all up and left her broke. My husband and I and his father, who had never divorced his mother, went up and moved her back to Indy. She lived with my father in law until his death in 1999. It was not until 2005 that we learned, thru a gal that helped her with errands and housekeeping, that he was not only back in her life.....BUT THEY WERE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!! My mother in law had 3 son's, 2, my husband and one brother lived nearby. We celebrated birthdays,holidays,anniversarys, called frequently and when she was diagnosed with lung cancer and we found out she was abusing precscription anxiety meds, we helped her move to a very nice assited living community. I visited 2 to 3 times a week and brought her anything she asked for. This is where he got to her!!!! I wondered how this had happened? She had a studio apartment, the doors are locked after 9:00pm, every guest has to sign in, it was one 3 story building, not blocks and blocks of apartments!!! He abused drugs too, they failed to notify us when her locked drug cabinet was broken into. It was too high for her to reach, he had to have done it. I guess as long as they got there $1800 a month, who cared? He showed her how to file restraining orders on her 2 sons and myself, full of lies, I went to court twice, after the 2nd time she failed to show up, they dropped the order. They were married in Dec 2005, I got the call I knew would come in July 2006. My mother in law was afraid for her life,she needed us, she was sorry and so on... I told her we would be there no matter what. Her entire life savings was gone, last I had heard she had about $40,000 left, which, with social security would have let her live her remaining years without worries about money. Not only was the money gone, she was another $30,000 in debt on top of that. She had to file bankruptcy, she had left the assisted living facility when she married him and she was living in another one. We once again had trouble with the abuse of meds and I was told by the state we had no choice but to move her to full time care in a nursing home. Medicaid paid for this. Medicare and my father in laws insurance covered her drugs and hospice care. It was about a month after this that I was diagnosed . My mother in law passed away in April 2008. She had made me her POA. I still get call's from creditors. I give them his name, ssn and parole officers name, yes he is an ex con. We did call adult protective services when we first learned of his prescence, but as long as she told them she was safe and happy, there was nothing they could do. They did help when she finally admitted to being scared and abused.

I guess the reason for this long e mail is to say THANK YOU Thank you to you and all the people surrounding this women with protection. Thank God she admitted all he had done to her, otherwise, there is very little that can be done. Please tell this wonderful woman she is not alone, there are many victims out there and if my Mother in law had been as strong has she has been, we could have helped her much sooner. She did nothing wrong and these predators should be put in prison, not just made to go away.

I don't know that the facility could have done anything. I know I sound bitter toward them, I just wish they had let us know this person was visiting her, again, though, we could have done very little as long as she kept up the facade of being in control of her facalties.

Take care, and please give your friend a hug for me. She is truly very brave.