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The Overwhelmingness


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I decided to venture into the mall late this afternoon with my son, against my better judgement.

We were in one department store, and it was just filled with Christmas 'stuff', wall to wall, pretty much everything you could think of. Suddenly, I was just overcome with the fact that I was standing in this store, breathing in Christmas, on this day after Thanksgiving, the sixth Thanksgiving since I was diagnosed. Just the wonder of Christmas, the undefinable awe that I'm alive overwhelmed me and my eyes started to fill. I wanted to share my gratitude with other shoppers, I wanted to let them all know how lucky they were to be there and what a gift it was. But of course I didn't tell anyone, I fanned my eyes so the tears would dry up and I wouldn't totally mortify my son, and kept shopping. There's a thin line between being grateful and crazy in public.

I find myself overwhelmed quite often lately, on a pretty day when the clouds are amazingly beautiful, when the snow comes - I even found myself watching and marveling at the path a raindrop made when it slowly slid down my office window last week. I tear up often, unexpectedly - this overpowering wonder hits me, and I have to fight back the tears. I love the smells of candles, of perfumes, of soaps - I unscrew the lids off of everything at the store - shampoos, laundry soap, dishwasher soap - because I want to fill my senses with it all. I feel textures constantly. And most of all I look at everything, just the amazing colors and shapes that life holds. Everything is so vivid. I see meaning in art. I am thinking of taking up photography because if I could somehow translate how everything looks to me, I could show others how life looks to someone who didn't think she would have one.

I'm alive. I couldn't share my gratitude with strangers, but I wanted to share it here, with friends.

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What a gift your post is to us all. Hope you don't mind, but I have copied it to read for myself often. How easy it is to take for granted all the beauty in the world around us. You truly brought tears to my eyes because you touched my soul with your words. I think this post belongs in our inspiration forum. It has sure inspired me. God Bless you and thank you.



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Very well said, Debi. And I agree with Kasey. Here is where you'll find people who truly understand and appreciate those words. Christmas is really going to drive that home for me too, since I was released from the hospital after my lung surgery on Christmas afternoon, last year.

In our long distance randonneuring rides, we jokingly refer to extra miles ridden because of wrong turns as bonus miles. To me, all the miles I ride now are bonus miles. Not many people would really understand that if I told them.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Debi - once again you keep me spell bound with your words - you never fail to amaze me how you can express your thoughts and feelings so eloquently. Honestly, I think "That's exactly how I feel/think/react"; however, I struggle to take it from my heart and put it into words. Thank you once again for sharing your innermost thoughts - it is a privilege to read.

Merry Christmas Debi...good luck with the photography - I have a feeling you will see things that so many others miss...the simple, yet extraordinary things that so many take for granted.

Take care,


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