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I feel so lost....


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I just feel so empty.

I want to do things (the house is an absolute mess) but every time I start doing something I don't feel like doing it anymore.

Even though there are still 5 of us and the dog in the house it seems so quiet. You would have thought that my dad made a lot of noise and yet he was always so quiet.

I am trying to eat, although it's the last thing I want to do. I know that I have to keep my strength up in order to be functioning well for the funeral, it's just so hard to take a mouthful of food when every one makes me feel physically sick.

Mornings seem to be worse. I sit outside in the sunshine with coffee and my thoughts and it's just so sad. Then the children get up and the day begins and I have to try to carry on as 'normal' as I can.

I just want the coming week to be over so that I know he's in his final resting place and not just waiting around in the Mortuary and Chapel.

We have a really old bench in the garden that my dad always talked about restoring (it's more of a long work bench) if he had the energy. My husband has said that he is going to restore it and have a plaque engraved and put on. My youngest child requested some Roses for Grandad and so we will plant a Rose Tree next to the bench.

Now I'm just rambling......

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Caren, It sounds like you are having a rough time of it. Those mornings in the sun are your time to grieve and the children getting up are what shakes you out of it for just a little while when you need to function as "normal." That's a good thing. I'm sure many children function for a time to keep grieving adults going.

The bench and rose bush idea is beautiful. It will be a peaceful reminder of your Dad. For awhile that reminder will be punctuated by sorrow but in time you will incorporate all the good memories you had together.

May the days until the funeral pass swiftly.

Judy in Key West

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its a great way to memorialize someone and You can have family time in the garden or hanging out on the bench reminiscing bout the good times!! I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way but its ok to be like this. Life has been turned upside down for You. Nothing will ever be the same again as it was last week or last month. Grief has no rules to guide us or help us . we do what we want to do to make things in our lives better when we can. Remember Cancer can take many things but not the memories and the Love!!!

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Hi Caren

These days are really hard but you are still in shock. It takes time to get past the shock and to readjust your life without your dad and his need of you. When your days are filled with caring for someone and suddenly they are gone you're just lost. All of that love and all of that fear and energy have no where to go. Your not only missing your dad but you are missing the cancer and his need that consumed you for that time of your life.

It does get better with time and work on your part. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that once the funeral is passed it will be a lot better. Often it is worse for a while. After the funeral everyone else starts to move on with their lives. They help you lay the person to rest then leave you to deal with the loss. People move on but it is so hard for those of us who are not only so close but the caregiver as well. You have to find a new spot in your life and that can be really firghtening.

Like Randy said life as you knew it is changed forever. It takes time to get used to that and to grieve. I found out that when we lose someone we are not just grieving their loss but the loss of that part of our life. No matter how hectic or frightening it was dealing with cancer there was always tomorrow. Things could be better tomorrow but now there is no tomorrow. There is only now and you feel so lost and so useless because your main job is done.

Look to those children for your joy and for the job of raising them. Give time to your dad and time to yourself for your grief. Write him letters and tell him about how you miss him and what you are doing. Tell him about your family and your laughter and pain. In doing something so simple in time you will be able to see past the pain that is so much a part of you right now. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Lillian

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Sorry you are having such a rough time Caren. It just goes with losing a parent. When my Mom passed in Feb. I can't even express the emotions I was feeling. It has gotten better. Some days are still very hard. I think I will always have that empty spot where Mom used to be. That you are functioning as well as you are is a tribute to your strength. Better days are coming.



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