Barbb Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Don't you wonder if you'll ever stop hurting? I was looking through the Chevy pickup manual today since it needs an oil change and I was just curious about some settings. That brought on so much physical/emotional pain. Rod should be here. It is a gorgeous evening, windows open, sunshine and he would have been outside working in the yard or his shed or whatever...changing the oil in his pickup I miss that man so much. I think it will break my heart. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Barb, I am so sorry for your pain. Some days are just so much worse than others. I just said that last night that I was just so miserable and can't understand why some people who have no value to life are left here to create chaos and such and those that value life are taken. I guess that is when we need to reach down into our faith and believe that the day will come when you see his face again for sure. I believe he is with you walking right beside you every step of the way. I have to believe that my Mom is and if I knew anything about the love we shared she is and he is with you too I am sure they wouldn't leave us for a second. Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carleen Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Hi Barb, I don't know the answer to your question. I sometimes feel like I'm waiting or trying to push for the same thing. So far it's been a little over 3 years since Keith left me. And it has gotten better to the point where I don't cry as often as I did, and I've even been able to find room in my heart for another. But, it hasn't taken away or filled the hole left by Keith. I still think of him every day and feel like when I do so razor blades run through my chest and heart. There are some days that it all overwhelms me. I'll be going along fine, trying to just live a normal life and the feelings that I've been surpressing will boil over and it will hurt like it was just today he left me, and hurt even greater for the combined feeling of loss, of the guilt over the fading of my memories, and the guilt over not feeling bad every day and living on. Some days I don't think I can breathe and know my heart will burst from the pain; but for some reason I live on. I don't know how it's possible to live with this broken heart. So I don't think the hurt will ever go away. I believe that we just get used to living with it, for me I am accustomed and no longer fight the crashing emotions and visitations of grief, and I go through it hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I will love him forever, and I guess that means I will feel the pain of our separation until we are reunited in heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 This is such a familiar thought I think for all of us. Those times where the scene feels empty without our loved one in it. Yup, I get that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 (((((((((((((((((((((Barb))))))))))))))))))))))) Like others, I know your pain....all too well. I lost my Dennis in 2002 and there are still days when the pain feels just as fresh as if I lost him only yesterday. Like Carleen, I have been able to open up and share my heart and life with another but Dennis was my soulmate and the his place in my heart will never be filled. Just last week, I was driving to work and it all hit me....once again. I was headed north, on a two lane road, and just as I crossed over the bridge, there was a white van headed south. Not only did the van look like Dennis' work van but the driver looked like my Dennis. After all these years, can you believe that I had to take a second look? It was almost as if I was double checking to see if it was him. The tears immediately began to roll and I arrived at work a complete mess. It took a couple of days for that experience to work its way out of my system. So, there are times....sometimes just passing seconds...other times days....that my heart absolutely breaks for him and I have no idea how to handle the pain. But....it will get better. For now, I am sending hugs your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 6 years and I know that feeling all too well. Still have to drive by the cemetery some days to blow smooches to My Gals!!! They are together eternally like i found them !!! Hugs and Prayers !! And yeah the weeds grow in my yard better than the flowers anymore.................................................................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbb Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 Thanks guys, it's nice to know you are all out there and giving me your thoughts and feelings really helps. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 (((((((Barb))))))) I am so sorry. I am thinking of you. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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