dianew Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I can't tell you how sorry I am that you and your husband are going through this. I will be keeping both of you in my prayers. Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Michelle, we are here and will be here for as long as you need us. I'm sure hospice will be a great help and support for you also. I hear such great things about them from others. I'm so sorry my dear for all you are having to endure. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 (((Michelle)))), I just read your latest update and my heart is just breaking for you . Hope hospice will be a big help and support for both of you. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Michele, I am so sorry for what you and your husband are experiencing. Hospice can be a very helpful move. My friends who have used hospice have told me only good things about the care. May you both have the same. I know from Bill having taken a fall last year, it is impossible to lift and move by oneself. My prayers will continue for you both, Michele, and I am holding you and your husband in my thoughts. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michellep Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 Hospice is supposed to be transporting my husband home today. His 02 requires #10 which I can't do on ours. I'm stuck home waiting for supply and medication deliveries and feel terrible that he's alone there. I can only imagine the fear he has and it breaks my heart. I called the hospital doctor this morning and now they tell me that he has fibrosis caused by the Tarceva. He only took it for 30 days? I was so sure that Tarceva would help him...it was my suggestion. I feel so guilty...as though I did this to him. When he comes home today I'll have to wear a mask and gloves because of course.......I have a terrible cold. I guess I weakened my immune system from lack of sleep and no food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Michelle--THIS IS IMPORTANT--you are doing the best you can with the information you have at any given time. Nothing is your fault. All you can do is take each day as they come and do the best you can. You will make yourself sick by second guessing. Just do your best and move forward. Your husband is lucky to have you fighting for him. HE IS DAMN LUCKY! I'm not shouting, I just want you to believe it. We are here for you. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Michelle, I agree with Susan 100 percent and then some! Don't beat yourself up any more than events have already. Few caregivers could have done as well as you have, and probably none could have done better. Much Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Michele, I am a caregiver, as are you. I am the only one taking care of Bill, 24/7. It is a very, very awesome task, dear Michele - full of doubts and second guessing. There are days when I doubt myself, and second-guess things. That, of course, is to no avail. No one can second guess, nor do better than you have. You are amazing, and an inspiration to me. You have my undivided attention as to what is occurring with your husband. I need that input you have so generously given to help me with Bill. I follow your lead. God bless you, Michele, and please know that I am here anytime you may need. If I had lung cancer (and only God knows if I ever will) I would hope for a caregiver such as you. I don't have the fortitude you have. I certainly wish I did. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Michelle, you can't possibly believe you have not cared for your husband as well as any person could. You are an inspiration to many on this site having fought so tenaciously for the best treatment to be had for him given what is available where you live. And you've done it alone (physically that is because you haven't ever been alone since you joined our online family). Take care and allow hospice to worry about the 02 and other medical issues now and get well yourself. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 (((Michelle))), My heart goes out to you . I too was the sole caregiver of my husband and it is an awesome task. Please, let me be another voice to reassure you that you have been and are doing an amazing job and he is blessed to have you. I am going to say something, at the risk of being wrong, but I in no way believe that the Tarceva caused fibrosis of his lung , especially in one week. I've been on these boards for about the entire time Tarceva has been available and I've never heard of that being a side effect. The only chemo I have heard of doing that is Alimta and it is also caused by radiation. Do not blame yourself . Know that my prayers are with you and hubby. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michellep Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 Thank all of you for your encouraging words of support. Hubby came home from the hospital yesterday and hospice has been here every single moment since he arrived. They told me to go and rest and leave everything else up to them. I'm just so shocked over this attention. We haven't been able to get a darn thing when dealing with the insurance company and now hospice has come to help us like this....it's amazing. I still didn't sleep too well...you all know how I am....I just beat myself up and feel guilty over anything and everything. He looks terrible. Much worse then last week when he was admitted. The cough he had this morning was really hard on him and he could barely catch his breath. Hospice has medications here that seem to be helping so far. He has severe edema in his arm. Apparently a doctor will be here in a few hours and I can ask about that. In closing I just want to tell each and everyone of you what a blessing you are to me. I would have never gotten this far without my LCSC friends. Most likely I would have been committed????? Bless all of you....and may we find a cure for this monster soon.....please dear God! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janette Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. Been there, done that. It's not your fault, it's cancer's fault. Stay strong, stay with him, he wants to be home and with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 I cared for Brian just exactly as you are doing for your husband. I want you to know that you are giving your husband the kind of love and care that will last forever. Your fatigue, hunger, fear, and agonizing over decisions will sustain you..........even if that seems a contradiction. You and your husband are in my prayers and I am uploading strength and support for all you are doing. Remember in the midst of all of the commotion to smile at him often and tell him you love him..............even though he knows you do! Love Pat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Michelle I am sorry to see this turn of events for you!!! PLEASE don't beat yourself up. You have done everything you possibly can right now!!! You have done an awesome job because You still have your hubby!!! the coulda, woulda , shouldas and 5$ will get you a large latte at Starbucks!! It is not worth beating yourself up over. Get some rest!! Hospice will do wonders obviously for both of you!! THey will be there every step you folks take!! Let them help and support as much as you can!!! I had the Coulda shoulda wouldas for months after deb passed and It ain't worth the aggravation Cherish yesterday. Enjoy today. and Pray for tomorrow and so will I !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 ((((((Michelle)))))) I am so sorry that this has happened. I will pray for both you and your husband. PLEASE PLEASE don't put guilt on yourself. You have been an amazine caregiver (remember the 911 call??))). There is not one thing you could have done differently to change this outcome. Its the cancers fault, not yours. You looked it in the face and fought it as best you could. PM me if you need to talk. My prayers will continue. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Michelle, I've not been a caregiver so I can only image how difficult this is for you. I am sure it's surreal having hospice there helping after struggling for so long for help for your husband. I am so glad you have them. Try to relax and regain some of the energy you've had to spend in this fight. Don't waste any of it on guilt or feeling responsible for any of this. To often it seems cancer will have its way no matter what. Come back here whenever you want and can. We will continue to be here for you as long as you need us. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Just wanted you to know you & hubby are in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Dear Michelle I am so sorry that I didn't see this post earlier. It truly breaks my heart any time I see someone else going through this terrible heartbreak. I too was an only caregiver and I wore myself out. The guilt doesn't help Honey. You have done everything HUMANLY possible. You have some time left with him,please use that time to find the good moments and make the very most of them. You are in a situation that you really have very little control over. I know how easy it is to second guess every move you have made and every decision that may not turn out right. It is very hard to forgive yourself for all of the mistakes you imagine that you have made. Believe me when I say I know that as well as anyone. The thing is everything that you have done has been done out of love. You need to remember that now and in the future. If by some chance you did make a mistake forgive yourself now and know that your husband sees only the love that you are putting out for him. I wish so much that no one else had to go through this terrible heartbreak. I pray everyday for a cure and for those who treat cancer to see all of the needs. Like you I can't understand why it is so easy to get help when hope seems to be gone, but none is available while we battle this monster alone. God Bless and care for you. You are both in my heart and my prayers. Lillian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Michele, Just a note to say that you and your husband continue in my daily prayers. May you get some rest, dear Michele, and keep yourself well. Sending warm wishes for you both, Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.